Imagine how fucking weird it would be to marry the Stardew Valley Farmer
Like, you've lived a happy life in a small town, with friends and family but then BOOM. A smoking hot new farmer hits the town, flirted with you twice and gave you a shiny rock and a plate of food before smacking you in the face with a bouquet and yeeting a pendant around your neck. Congratulations, you just achieved the family life without ever knowing how the fuck you got there. And the person you married is insane.
You're outside feeding the animals and they materialise into existence right in front of you, a sword in one hand, dripping with blood, and their backpack bulging full.
"Oh, hey honey." they say before sprinting off like this is the most regular thing in the world.
Things got weirder once they got an incubator. It was alright at first, Kluck may have a shade darker than pitch black and have eyes that burned bright with fire, but you only caught them casting ritualistic spells once. Then when a FUCKING DINOSAUR HATCHED you realised a conversation would be required with the farmer about the eggs they find and whether it was morally acceptable to see what was inside.
Apparently they have a deed to land on a deserted island???
"Nah, it's not deserted! There's an old lady, a crazy scientist and a tarzan living there!" They reply. Apparently they couldn't understand why you were so nervous when you realised they were farming tracts of land in an ancient rainforest, shadowed by a volcano from which you definitely heard ominous shrieks and wailing.
The resort they built was quite nice, but when the flippety fuck did they have time to build it?
Occasionally, a man dressed like the night sky appears, but refuses to speak unless the Farmer is alone with them. You caught a glimpse of his skin once, and it was bright blue. The farmer leaves those conversations dazed and distracted. They never talk about them, but in the days after, you often notice them sit and stare into the distance.
You tell yourself that they do not explore the caves in the desert. You tell yourself that because you're already insanely worried by all the other shit the farmer does.
You notice that they enter the sewer a lot, and one day you follow. It's difficult to come to terms with the fact that your partner is friends with a shadow creature, but it did look rather friendly. It heard your footsteps once and ran away, so you decided not to come back.
Some days, new stuff will just... appear. First it giant pillars, that the Farmer swore were important. And then it was little huts, and while you never saw anyone go in or out, all the crops were harvested and neatly organised in piles on the inside. You decide to leave offerings to appease whatever spirits must the huts belong to. One day you get a letter saying thankyou, with 500g attatched. And then there was that day... why the fuck do you need a giant solid gold clock?
After the day the clock appeared, everything changed. Production stopped, they said we now have enough money to live off of for the rest of your lives. The farm got redecorated. Life is beautiful.
Occasionally you have dreams, dreams of crying children turning into doves. They reach out for you, and you reach back, sobbing, trying anything to protect them, to ease their pain. Their small, frail hands scrape over yours, but you can never grab hold. You always wake up screaming and can never remember why.
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