The blame is mine alone...

Grayson Kit Clarington; that guy who got sent to prison for pretending to be Matisse and fucked his father's shit up. Oldest and wisest of five shit heads, don't look like up, they're all boring as shit :) @graysonkit paramedcine @ pacific state Swimming in the smoke Of bridges I have burned So don't apologize I'm losing what I don't deserve

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

private;; kyt

KIT: I've been kind of hiding from everybody. I'm going to hate myself for saying this but I miss you. Come over tonight?

KY: why would you hate yourself? okay. let me finish up in the studio with taylor and then i will drive over.

KIT: Admitting that I miss people is kind of hard a thing for me to do on a regular basis.

KIT: I have lunch made if you want some...

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

private;; kyt

KIT: you can go to the party if you want, I’m leaving Monday if you want to tag along.

KY: do you want me to? i feel like i haven't seen you in a long time.

KIT: I've been kind of hiding from everybody. I'm going to hate myself for saying this but I miss you. Come over tonight?

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

[pm]: when are we going on vacation? there is a party on saturday.

[pm]: you can go to the party if you want, I’m leaving Monday if you want to tag along.

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

@kitgrayson: finals are going to kill me which is kind of ironic considering

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

scream | kitton

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

tagging: @suttonelouise

time frame: 12/03/16

location: kit’s apartment

warnings: mentions of prison and everything involved with it.

summary: sutton finds kit during an episode; they find comfort in odd places and he opens up about the reason he wouldn’t let her visit.

SUTTON:

Memories of what he’s done. He still hasn’t really ever told her what it was that he did back then. But she’s not about to ask. “Memories can be rough.” She adds, as his speech continues, and then she shakes her head, her brows furrowing, her hand reaching for his and her thumb massaging the area between his thumb and index finger - something she used to do to help calm him or make him feel better when they were younger.

“That’s not you, Kit. I know you may think that’s not true, but it is. Even though it’s been years, even though I haven’t seen you much since I found out you were here, I can still see you. I’ve always been able to see you. And the fact that you’re worried about it? That shows me just how true it is. If you were truly capable of that, it wouldn’t worry you.” She brought his hand up to her mouth and softly kissed the back. “You’re not bad.”

KIT: 

It sets him over the edge, another bout of anger rising in his stomach “I have done things that would keep you up at night! I’ve had my hands gripped so tightly around somebody else’s throat that they turned an entirely new shade of whatever the fuck color they had been! I have hurt people, taken things from people and from their bodies, all because I could, because I wanted to be the king of that prison so don’t sit here and tell me that I’m not bad! That I’m not worthless and childish! That I have people who care about me because I don’t! I’m bad, and the fact that you can’t see that scares the shit out of me! I should scare you. I should make your stomach boil with hatred so why the fuck don’t you hate me like everybody else?!” 

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

[ text ] You don't have to do that. I shouldn't have barged in like I did.

[TEXT]: You’re right, you shouldn’t have. But I’m glad you did and all of that emotional bullshit. 

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

@lopezluxury: @kitgrayson If only I got a break when it comes to 5 million people who think a cold is a reason for an E.R. visit.

@graysonkit: this is why I chose to be a paramedic, most of the time our calls have substance, sometimes I wanted to give them a real reason to be in the back of our vans but hey. what can you do right?

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

scream | kitton

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

tagging: @suttonelouise

time frame: 12/03/16

location: kit’s apartment

warnings: mentions of prison and everything involved with it.

summary: sutton finds kit during an episode; they find comfort in odd places and he opens up about the reason he wouldn’t let her visit.

SUTTON:

She sat back against the wall, gesturing for him to get his own drink as a sigh escaped her. “I never said that’s how I saw you. You need to stop making assumptions, Kit. Assumptions are what ruined everything in high school” She shook her head. “Just because you’re struggling with something, doesn’t make you weak.”

She would never see him as less than the strong, protective man who had been the first to make her feel loved, even when things were tough. “I still think you should get some water though. And maybe brush your teeth, stinky.” She teased lightly.

KIT: 

A defeated grin turns the corners of his mouth and he rests his back against the bathroom cupboard. “I’m not struggling with anything...sometimes these memories of what I’ve done, in prison and out here, they haunt my dreams like demons. I’m fine normally, having blood on my hands doesn’t faze me like it used to do, it’s every once in awhile you know? After a rough day at work when I come home with blood on my uniform or wash up after a particularly nasty car accident--- the reality that I’ve almost killed people, that I have this...monster creeping around inside of me...it’s terrifying.” He murmurs, unable to look at Sutton for longer than a couple of seconds. “After his wife died, my dad was always angry, he always had this potential to be more angry than he was, What if I’m like that...? What if one day I’ll wake up with true blood on my hands because this rage inside of me kills somebody?” His voice breaks but he controls it.

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

@skatersmythe: considering what you say you do, i wouldn't be complaining about a boring night.

@graysonkit: everybody keeps saying that but here I am still complaining

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

PM | KYT

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

kycxrthy:

oh, okay.

well, it depends on when you want to go. because my mom will want to see me for christmas things. and i will have to tell her so she can tell me what i have to pack.

I was planning on leaving right after exams and not coming back until classes start back up again. You could always come after Christmas if you want..you just uh... I’ve kind of always done Christmas alone.

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

[ text ] Good.

[TEXT]: thanks...by the way.

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

[ text ] Hey you, wanted to check in and see how things are?

[TEXT]: They’re going.

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

PM | KYT

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

kycxrthy:

you never told me about colorado before.

well, trips is not something that we do. or have done.

I don’t really tell anybody about Colorado...

If you don’t want to come that’s up to you, I was just offering... 

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

scream | kitton

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

tagging: @suttonelouise

time frame: 12/03/16

location: kit’s apartment

warnings: mentions of prison and everything involved with it.

summary: sutton finds kit during an episode; they find comfort in odd places and he opens up about the reason he wouldn’t let her visit.

SUTTON:

She doesn’t know what to do for him, so she continues as she has been. “Don’t. Not now.” She shakes her head, keeping her touches soft and comforting. “You don’t get to send me away this time.” She’s firm, so he knows she means it. “You should drink something, I’ll get you some water, something to eat? Or maybe just a blanket I’ll - ”

She needs to slow down so that she doesn’t overwhelm him, he’s already over some sort of edge. She feels his breath against her neck. Funny, how even in situations like these it sends her into flashbacks of time before, and she catches her breath.

KIT: 

Kit is done fighting for the night and relaxes against the girl’s touch. His life got more and more complicated every ten seconds, whether it was because of a relationship he was building or one he had in the past; friendship or otherwise. He liked prison only for that, only for being locked away from people or within walls that didn’t allow for dramatics of the petty sort. There were tons of drama within the walls of a prison, but it wasn’t like this. If you had something with somebody, it was normally broken up by guards or death; stuff like this lingered.

“I can get my own water...” He doesn’t mean for it come out as harshly as it had but he couldn’t take it back and sighs. “Look, I just...I don’t...I’ve just been doing this shit on my own for a long time. Fending for myself, not asking for help even if it was obvious that I needed it--- I know you see me as some wounded puppy but I’m not”

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

PM | KYT

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

kycxrthy:

that does not explain why colorado, though. why do you want me to come?

Colorado because I used to go there every year for my birthday before I went away, besides why not? The cabin is a ton of fun and there is snow.

Why so cold all of a sudden? Did you finally realize I’m not a good guy or are you taken by my handsomeness?

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

@briberry: Normally that's a good thing. But I hope your night got more exciting.

@graysonkit: a non original tweet, look at that!

[kitclaringtonnnn-blog]

@rubsw: wow? really? that sounds icredibly over dramatic.

@graysonkit: just a little bit, yeah. I can understand the elderly being a little nervous, but a twenty year old who just happened to have one too many? a little over dramatic