What a feeling to be a king beside you somehow.

If you don't like gay then fuck off.

[cybergata]

[pardonmewhileipanic]

goat cat

[gluten-free-pussy]

A coat

[pardonmewhileipanic]

A gat

[gloomgaze]

how do i get tweets tattooed onto my brain stem

[funkalishbrat-deactivated202104]

see

[gravehop187]

[ulibeanzz]

did i tell y’all that one time when my friends and i were making a joke mockumentary about a fake cryptid, my sibling and i got into a really bad hospitalizing car crash and instead of delaying it we just decided to film in the hospital and also convinced my mom and dad to play roles in it as well?

[ulibeanzz]

[ulibeanzz]

hey just wanted to say thanks for this incredibly chilling remark i’m so scared now

[tentacleteapot]

you’re no Hamburger Helper

you’re just a Hamburger Hindrance

[sidneyia-deactivated20210826]

if you’re not part of the hamburger solution, you’re part of the hamburger problem.

[tentacleteapot]

[kaijuno]

Reasons my new physics prof is adorable

- on the first day of class he brought his favorite toy truck from when he was a child - is from Argentina and has a cute accent and sometimes speaks in Spanish on accident - teaches us Spanish phrases for fun - very tall and awkward and has super curly hair that falls into his face constantly - giggles at his own jokes - on the second day of class he showed us pictures of his cat eating a salami - the cat’s name is Pants

[kaijuno]

- i saw his teaching notes today and he doodles little flowers in the margins of his notebook

[kaijuno]

- Brought us a smiley face balloon to cheer us up when the weather was bad

[kaijuno]

- played with legos for half the class

[kaijuno]

- likes balloons a whole lot

[kaijuno]

It’s now the middle of summer. I do research in the physics department, my office is right across the hall from his. And so:

- He knows I’m into observational astronomy and despite him being a nuclear astrophysicist himself he will email me (and some of the other observationalists) interesting articles and videos about astronomy, usually and around 2am, the poor insomniac

- He became a dad yesterday! In his email he said “sorry, I won’t be in this week, I’ll be frantically googling how to take care of a newborn instead”

- his last name is Estrada and so I simply replied “congratulations on becoming an Estradad!!!” To which he replied “:D”

[notapplicableexistance-deactiva]

Pure

[freecrackk]

[lztybrn]

remember way back in 2006 when the wii first came out and then the entirety of the world forgot how to hold onto something with a firm grasp so much that nintendo had to make a shock absorbing condom just so that tvs wouldnt get destroyed when people would end up sending this thing flying at their tvs at 900 miles per hour

[badaxefamily]

A lot of those incidents were with Wii Bowling, which to me implies that people didn’t so much forget to how to hold something, as they forgot they weren’t holding a bowling ball and weren’t in a bowling alley.

[felixferne]

it’s been literal weeks and i’ve only just realised this is meant to be read as “healthy burgers” and not “heal thy burgers”

[randomslasher]

Without the caption those weeks would still have been ahead of me

[skarchomp]

my philosophy is “nothing an individual can do could possibly be worse for the environment than major corporations dumping tons of pollutants into the atmosphere every day but also don’t just toss shit on the ground you idiot have some manners” 

[oak23]

One of my marie kondo tidbits is that one time she really did throw out everything that didnt spark joy including her screwdrivers and thought she could get away with tightening a screw with one of her favourite rulers but instead ended up snapping it in half

So when she tells people to consider how an item helps you not fuck up your shit and thats how you find joy, just know its from experience

[birthdaylobotomy]

when springtime arrives……and the world turns green again……..grass is a thing…….the sun isn’t dead………wowow life is glowing again

[fireproofs]

think about it… the lyrics to what a feeling make absolutely no sense…. “through the wire through the wire through the wire” what???? “when the air ran out and we both started running wild… the sky fell down” WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? but you know what? it still slaps it really does

[anarchist-revolution]

[warmheartworm]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[valtsv]

so many things about tolkien’s mythos are just unintentionally hilarious to me but absolutely nothing beats the fact that elves are canonically such drama queens that they can literally waste away and die if they experience a strong negative emotion

[valtsv]

mortal: hey, what’s up man? i haven’t seen you around for a few months, so i thought i’d check in, see how you’re doing, you know-

elf: