Life of a Couch

As a couch you seem to be put in front of a television a lot. Over the years these are things that have caught my button tufts.

[frontviewmagazine]

Mastodon @ Summer Breeze 2016 Photographer: Dorien Goetschalckx for FrontView Magazine

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[kkouchsworld]

Message To All Humans!

Please trim/de-claw your cats! You sick bastards.

[kkouchsworld]

Someday I will run for Commander in Comfort and make America nap again.

[kkouchsworld]

Feelings

It hurts my feelings when people lay down on the ground, and say it's more comfortable than me. Like, that's fine, but do you have to say it in front of me while laying on the floor?

[kkouchsworld]

Who says a couch can't have a celebrity crush?

[kkouchsworld]

Games

One of my favorite games is to play with people is "Where's the remote?" and watch as they scramble frantically before they think to look in me. It's always in me. Idiots.

[kkouchsworld]

Ouch...

My arm is broken. The wood is sticking out of my cloth skin...I'm happy I can't feel it, but my life is source of constant pain. #existentialcrisis #whatisthat #couchthoughts

[kkouchsworld]

Wishes

I wish I had legs instead of just feet. I could be moved towards the window easier. Even the coffee table has that leg up on me. Well, four legs up on me...please get him off.

[kkouchsworld]

Sofa saturday! Today I am showing my workout goals! #ripped

[kkouchsworld]

Shout out

Just wanted to give a shout out to ma springs. Supporting all the weight from people over the years.

[kkouchsworld]

Staying Healthy

One time some teenagers asked me, “Yo couch how you keep dat slim figure brah?” To which I responded:

“I don’t know. I eat whatever you eat which is usually copious amounts of junk food which makes it way in my intesprings (my intestines). I also don’t exercise because I am a couch.”

They then proceeded to freak out and said that they need to, “never drop acid again.”

[kkouchsworld]

Cats and Cuddles

The female complains about how the cats never cuddle her. I don’t understand this for two reasons:

1. The cats always lay comfortably on my head for hours.

2. I lack the ability to comprehend emotions/empathy/sympathy.

[kkouchsworld]

Being me

People say that they would like to be a couch because you get to laz around and do nothing. The reality is people sit/jump on your face as well as fart on it. At least I’m not toilet paper.

[kkouchsworld]

Sorry

Its been a while. Its hard being a couch and trying to use social media. Ya know no thumbs...or consciousness... 

[marvel]

AHEM. We made a few film announcements today! Get all the details here.

[kkouchsworld]

So the male says he will see all of these but Captain Marvel. He also says that Civil War is a bad idea. I haven't seen Cap 2 yet, and cannot read comics, because I am a couch and do not know what is good and what is bad about it. He did mention something about Batman and Superman, but again unless he talks to himself I have no idea what is happening.