lost boy

not ready to be found

[kliffyranz]

20260705

i am at my point. i am at my limit. this is where i've reached my peak. i've been too hasty with my decisions and actions. i've only been hurting the people around me, especially the man that i love. i do not want him to be hurt in any way. i just want him to be happy, because i love him, a lot. kindly tell him to forgive me for loving him too much, i just did what my mind and heart had made do. he's been so kind and understanding yet i am the one who's always been problematic. i acknowledge my faults. i am too weak. i let my worst thoughts consume me. please, i just want to be better, i still could. right now, i do not want to cause any more pain to anyone, especially to the man i love. please tell my family, i love them. i am not as strong as you. i've seen all our struggles and i saw how you conquered them all. sorry if i am weak, and decide to not continue on. i am so sorry for the pain that this might cause. i just can't carry anymore. to my friends, thank you. i've dumped almost all my worries to you, and made you carry some of them. i am so sorry, they should be mine to carry. if i survive this night, maybe i still have a little fight left within me. if i don't, i hope you all forgive me. my burdens have really been very heavy and i am finally giving in. my heart's about to explode, and it is high time i let it rest. please tell all the people who love and care for me that i love them, especially him. good night everyone, see you when i see you again. please also tell my pets i love them, too.

[kliffyranz]

post eighteen notes to self

eighteen years have been long yet everything is still an oblivion. the vision you see when your eyes are drowning in tears – that very picture is how i see. i am on my own way looking for my own kind of life but i honestly do not know where i am heading. i am on this old country road walking disinterestedly. my companions are the leaves rustling and the birds cheerfully flying – the only positive things on my negatively-filled mind. i keep filling my little coconut head of unattainable utopic ideas to satisfy my urge of comfort, but the infinitude that i possess within me is the reagent that limits me. as i slowly walk this road alone, i am met with all the monsters living in me. i do not know how to act. i do not how to react. i do not know how to enact. the tiny courage left sparkling but hidden deep inside my soul tries to ignite itself into a fiery form of bravery, but reality slaps hard, making me realize how weak of a human being i really am. i try to reimagine my steps as rainbow-filled tracks journeying on a highway of bliss but i just can’t force myself into thinking that i am in a road of unicorns and glitters. i guess, this is nature’s way of telling me that if ever i want to continually thrive in this world full of pain and gore, i should subject myself with all its horrors. i have been walking for days, months, or years, but i seem to have no progress. i am well aware that i am not stagnating but i am barely not moving at all. i keep circling this endless path but i have no choice but to keep going. my body can’t even keep up with all the things around me – the voices in my head, the monsters in me, the whispers of nature, and the thought that despite being surrounded by the aforementioned 'them', i am still alone. thoughts keep stacking on my head and my brain isn’t capable of storing them all. i am too weak. i am just a futile fugitive, unsuccessful of escaping the bars of emotions that cage me.

[kliffyranz]

fourteen

have you forgotten my existence?

am i just a memory fading as the wind?

all i do now is rue

about all the things i wish were left unsaid

i should've kept it all bottled up

shelved and left stored

among all other fragile and frail emotions

i kept all to myself

i wish i didn't have the courage to tell you

i wish i wasn't empowered by my delusions and false hopes

if only i've known what future had instilled for me

i would've prepared myself for its worst consequences

but i was blinded by my optimism

you still run around my mind

like a painful recollection of what has beens

i should hate you but i can't

you always appear in my dreams when i wish to forget you

i see you in the movies you watch

i hear you in the songs love to sing

you make me want to forget you but you still linger

you're unaware but your pulling force is so strong

that i can't let myself stay away from you

i hate you, but i can't stop myself from liking you

help me, please do, to at least, forget you

-this is an unfinished piece, still on progress-

[kliffyranz]

summer sonata

the early rooster’s crow

awakens the slumbering village

as the sun paints the skies

on a warm summer day

the soft grass blanketing the infinite pasture

is the first sight to see

swaying by the motion of the dandelions

on a warm summer day

floating among the moist green prairie

are the cottony fleece of sheep

a scenery melting the eyes

on a warm summer day

hidden among the grasslands

is an untamed rivulet

ebulliently rushing

on a warm summer day

the burble of the brook is a melody

thriving with life, a euphony

behold the majesty of the water

on a warm summer day

the lingering sweetness of the after-rain dew

is a peaceful sonata, voyaging memory

a vague reminiscence of the youth's dream

on a warm summer day

the calming ambiance of this little town

harmonizing with nature’s subtle noise

is peace and hope renewed

on a warm summer day

i wish i could go back

to where i used to be

now it only dwells as a memory

of that warm summer day

[kliffyranz]

chast

chaste – pure and god-molded

heir to the kindness of the moon

a daughter to mary, the holy mother

serene, or not so, but tranquility guaranteed

timid unlikely, for very brawny

idle not for she's taking the world

never afraid to conquer

ever so generous and alive

-happy natal day

[kliffyranz]

zoomer

we live in a generation where we constantly rush ourselves chasing for the superficial. we find ourselves trapped in the standards we fail to reach, though most of the times, we are the ones who set such high standards for ourselves. as we desire for perfection, we forget to be human. we put our focus into establishing our image and reputation with qualities that are not really natural and innate of us. we are becoming who we really are not. in these times, it is significant to just be who we are. there should be no shame in living our own authentic identities rather than portraying a role we are forced to play just to please people. our scars, acnes, melanin, bucked teeth, curly hair, curvy figure, and crooked nose, make us beautiful. they make us unique for we are all made to be unique. we possess imperfections and these imperfections make us distinct and stand out. our differences result to diversity and diversity is beautiful. so we should be proud of ourselves. furthermore, we should not rush ourselves into looking for love. it is everywhere - love is everywhere. we are still teenagers - young adults. there's more to come for us. as the youth, we are the next generation of nation builders. it is imperative to grow in maturity, in order for us to think critically, make decisions that are beneficial for all, and just overall be a productive, efficient and effective contributor of our nation and of the world. still, we are not that young enough to not look for love, we are already of the right age. however, we are also not that old enough to put our whole focus on it. there is nothing wrong with being involved in romantic relationships, be it towards the same sex or the other, or a polyamorous one, or anything. all forms of love should be celebrated, as long as that love hurts or steps on no one. but then again, we should know where to put our focus on. we should be able to sort our priorities. love will come, someday, in our most unexpected times. sometimes, from the most unexpected person. yes, we yearn for love. that is because it is part of our natural instinct. however, we should not go crazy looking for it. it will eventually come to us. maybe on our pursuit to look for love, we are forgetting that we already had received it from the people we are around, and the only love that we lack and need is the one that we should give to ourselves.

[kliffyranz]

blue hour

it is the blue hour, with you driving while i am at the passenger seat, on the countryside, as the stars slowly scatter across the bluish velvet sky. the waves crashing the shore joins the melody - harmonizing with the calming tone of the gentle seabreeze slowly touching our skin. your existence beside mine is my safe haven and from that point on, i hoped for the gods to let us live that moment, together for eternity.

[kliffyranz]

midnight fantasy

you were my midnight lullaby. your beautiful notes sang me into deep slumber. your tunes carried me to the depths of the oceans and flew me to the highest clouds. you were my moonlight sonata. your voice's mellifluous, just few tones before oblivion. your music's a savior. it carried me from the solitude of my own demons. but, for no reason, your sound faded and vanished. the soothing melody from your existence slowly evanesced. now, this sonorous weeping is longing for you. please come back, will you? please be with me tonight, just this night. sing me another song. once more, be my gentle refrain.

for years, i can't sleep. and if you ever managed to find your way back to me, i'll pray to whoever or whatever god there may be, that it's alright if the moon continues to reign over us tonight and the sun won't shine tomorrow.

[kliffyranz]

solitude

walking by the woods

in twilight

i have no one

but myself.

retracing all steps

that we took

barefooted

on the cold grass.

pebbles and twigs

break as they break

the soles

of my feet.

the pain

it numbs

my nerves

but i love it.

the air

was humid as

the night

is deep dark.

i'm not lost,

i know,

we used

to get lost here.

but now

the feels are

not the same,

different.

i am alone now,

wandering,

looking for reasons

why you left.

reminiscing all

our memories

though it stings

so much.

it pains my heart

but i can

endure the pain

for it's you.

maybe the gods

above

were never

in favor of us.

but i love you

still

though you do not seem

to love me

anymore.

[kliffyranz]

imaginative grail

the waves crash

as the clouds

hide

the beautiful sun.

it was a scenery--

it melts the eye,

you were by me--

precious.

by the bank,

our eyes glisten

as the moon

replaces the sun.

the dark sky

slowly

reveals itself--

heart warming.

it filled itself

with shiny diamonds,

scattered

but pleasing.

the air was cool--

enough to

feel the

emotions.

both hoped

for

every moment

to last.

both were full

of love,

palms on top

of each other.

promises sworn

and kept,

by the cold

sea breeze.

[kliffyranz]

okay

i kept

your dreams

our dreams,

for

us.

you were

by me

yesterday,

but

you're gone

suddenly.

you lost me

with

the idea

of love.

am

i

already

sinning?

the only fault

i am aware of

is

loving

you.

but

why does it

sound

like

hurting myself?

i am

afraid

to lose

you.

is it

better

to endure

the pain?

[kliffyranz]

rhapsody

sad, sundials have words left unspoken

haste and slowly, hours set us apart

our infinitude, forever frozen

vanished to its brink, now it isn't art

midnight lullabies, it solaced our souls

into golden slumbers, emptied our tears

obliviated, embers of mem'ries

of tribulations, and allegories

in crowds of chaos, i felt unsafe

released in prison, you restored my faith

crept in fright, i was alone and lonely

in photons' absence, you gave it to me

pure serendipity, you found the lost me

your imagination, a singularity

cupbearer of the gods, eternal youth

your beauty glistens, astonishing

inner demons, we both fought to war

sad beautiful tragic, left afar

nary a victor, insignificant

horizon's a gore, a bloody façade

tomorrow's daylight, i was blinded

trappings of an edgy noir, i was dressed

breath of ashes, it was a love maze

identity, never not a self haze

futile devices, your love's a curse

an ugly charm, danced but unrehearsed

hand's tied, our voices sang broken notes

lonesome, abandoned unpromised oaths

helpless high hopes, we had abandoned

drugs and the internet, i was stoned

sugar and coffee, factoried lapses

our detrimental highways, lost chances

moonlight's glare, unsung sonatas and odes

a tune of horror, never-ending roads

my eternal aesthete, you sing me to sleep

tight covers and warm coats, elaborate fraud

justice's death, never undelivered

gideon's visions, explicitly seen

middle of the night, nap of a star

mystery of love, crowd's jubilation

truth untold, we wish we never knew

burnt cards of house, we start anew

love's a fool, was intoxicating

embodied the artist's psyche, dashing

color blinded, a cold blooded love

chained to the rhythm, we both should have

present at dusk, nowhere at dawn

a shared love, we do not own

... anymore

[kliffyranz]

creeper fear

streetlights flicker

i walk alone

moon is brighter

scrolling phone.

thoughts stack up

as i rest and sit

i want to nap

but sleepy eyes wont feed.

watching strangers

conversate and go

their lips speak numbers

to friends and foe.

i'm silent, observant

ready for what might haunt

armed with courage

unafraid to rage.

the ambiance darkens

people vanishes

i feel safety

this heart feels happy.

as i stand

ready to go

i realized something

something from everything.

all this time

i wasn't--

alone.

all this time

i am with--

my shadow.

[kliffyranz]

bloody

the moon night's glare

seeps through skin

steals motion

pounds the heart.

hide to where?

peril ensured

here come chaos

be courageous.

safe, should it?

household harm

drips the fluid

sticky and red.

it paints the walls

reds of shade

cut like art--

gehenna.

it is the brink

don't lose breathe

it flattens now

don't shout.

grief granted

tear condenses

it rolls down low

vanished, it'll be.

how unfortunate

these poor souls

crept to fear

left to rot.

cage your sorrow

never show it

don't be weak

you're next.

[kliffyranz]

sufjan

for the widows of paradise

for the fatherless of the country

for the nation’s sharp up rise

prompts death induced by dignity.

inks are no futile devices

inks are never drawn to the blood

impossible soul is their prowess

to cloak the gory façade.

for words arm the wrath

as justice delivers death

for no shade is to those who lost

under the shadows of the cross.

courage is what they imprint

freedom is what they had built

for the age of sword and adz

and blood are now not scads.

[kliffyranz]

after rain thoughts

the dark gray clouds

that painted the sky

are now blue,

the rain

that once wet the land

had dried,

the soil

is to be toiled

and nourished

flowers

and trees

are to smile again,

all rekindling

to what's the same,

ready to whatever

is on the line.

[kliffyranz]

arthe

my soul's a dilettante--

lover of art,

drawn on you,

my eternal aesthete.

your beauty allures

this adrift soul,

into the warmth

of your existence.

the rhythm

of your body thaws

this tensile heart

of mine.

you are a sculpture

perfectly sculpted

so pure--

a masterpiece.

you're the galaxy--

captivating,

a scenery

to behold.