hi

my little diary idk

[klopsy321]

Maybe my looks are the only thing worth their time?

The kiss in the dark and dance in the club.

Although it's never enough.

Why do you start something when you already know how it ends?

It's always the same.

They crave my lips not the words coming out of them.

They're not even trying to pretend they care.

[klopsy321]

I know it is the end,

yet the signs are everywhere,

reminding me that you were there.

Your voice echoes in my mind,

as if it is behind,

chasing me around.

What exhausts me the most

is knowing I did wrong—

so I feel guilty all day long.

But how can you not?

How can you live, knowing what you did,

and act like an innocent kid?

Yet you are still with her.

I think you just do not care.

And that’s the thing

I will never understand.

[klopsy321]

I want to get better

but if don't hurt anymore

did it actually mattered?

was it even real?

I won't have anything left from you then.

And I don't want it to be over

although it already is.

The scar in my heart is the last thing that connects us

but there isn't any "us"

there never was

and there never will.

[klopsy321]

I'm not sure if we are still joking or not.

I don't know if you mean anything you say or are they just silly words.

I think I like you but I don't know which "you" is real.

I'm not sure you even like me, even a little bit.

[klopsy321]

am I not interesting enough?

am I not worth to know me a little?

am I too loud? or too quiet?

am I not fun enough?

am I not enough to stay around?

[bloombound]

[luvdeadd]

[klopsy321]

I tried,

I really did.

But you’re always in my mind.

How can I throw you out?

One moment, everything feels fine—

the next, my soul is crushed.

You’re in everything I see:

cars that look like yours,

the song you always played blasting in the club.

I have to find new ways to have fun,

because the old ones don’t give me enough dopamine.

You really did break me down.

[reckoner-rm]

missing a man

who hasnt even thought about you

what a terrible thing to do

[klopsy321]

"the summer I turned pretty"

more like the summer I lost my mind

because what the HELL was that?!?!?

[klopsy321]

All you did was lie,

staring deep into my eyes.

Yet I still fell for it,

knowing damn well it wasn’t right.

[klopsy321]

I miss your touch,

the way you grabbed my waist so tight.

I miss your eyes,

that deep and sincere look into mine.

I miss your voice,

how you could always make me laugh.

If ending that was right,

why doesn’t it feel like that?

The emptiness in my heart is so loud,

you could almost hear it from inside.

I wonder if you ever felt the same—

even just for a little while.

I wish I knew you cared enough

to think of me from time to time.

[paradoxinpoetry]

Her Eyes in Dreams

have you ever brushed a memory

only to find it still sharp enough to wound?

that’s what her eyes do in my sleep

they don’t just look,

they lay bare the places I swore had healed,

stacking my fractures neatly,

like even my ruin must have order.

[klopsy321]

All I ever wanted

was to be wanted.

To be loved,

to be liked,

to be seen.

And I know I’m pretty—

after all, I have to be.

That’s the only thing they see.

Not my dreams,

not my fears,

not the pieces that make me real.

Just a doll,

just a toy—

something to use,

then destroy.

Maybe that’s all I am.

Maybe that’s all I’m meant to be.

[klopsy321]

I loved how this rush made me feel high.

I loved the way my heart pumped so fast.

I loved that the world didn’t seem so dark.

And I loved that I felt full for once.

Yet now?

I hate how my smile turned upside down.

I hate the pressure on my heart.

I hate the thoughts I can’t stop.

And I hate the hunger that eats me alive.

[klopsy321]

I thought I was smart—

yet I was not.

He kissed me out of lust,

never out of love.

I tell myself

I have no right to hurt,

yet my heart still broke.

For me,

it wasn’t just a casual thing.

It was something more.

[klopsy321]

I want him to say that he didn't even care, that I didn't matter, that it was all just fun and games.

I want to hear these words in his voice, just to help me understand, because I don't.

And the worst part is that I knew it all along.

I knew I was the other girl, not his first choice.

And still, I let myself get excited. I let myself have hope.

For what? What was it all for?