R.M

[reckoner-rm]

And one day I looked him up and down with disgust. An immature, narcissistic, manipulative man. And the strange part? I Used to look at him and my eyes would light up with love.

[reckoner-rm]

"How starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego."

[reckoner-rm]

the problem was, i was so busy trying to understand why you were the way you were that i ignored how much you were hurting me

[reckoner-rm]

i wish i could go back in time, just to tell my past self it'll all be okay in the end, but if i did, i'd be lying

[reckoner-rm]

i thought we were role playing.

i didn't realize

you were exploring

how close you could

get to murder

without calling it that.

But i was a good fucking girl though right?!

[reckoner-rm]

you don't feel what I feel and I know you never could

[reckoner-rm]

Am I just a place holder to fill the whole inside you ?

[reckoner-rm]

You don't love me and I'm being really brave about it

[reckoner-rm]

I love my mother.But I don't want to be like her. I love my father. But I don't want a husband like him. I loved my childhood. But I don't want my children to grow up the way I did.

[reckoner-rm]

Y'all really do ruin the calmest people, and then call them crazy when they react.

[reckoner-rm]

it is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not

[reckoner-rm]

1 am a victim of being perceived incorrectly.

[reckoner-rm]

My fear of making the wrong decision makes me do nothing.

[reckoner-rm]

I've learned I care too much, so now I sit back and let you do you. If you WANT me you'll SHOW it. If you CARE, you'll CHANGE. If you LOVE me your ACTIONS will show that.

I'm no longer begging for someone to want me back.

[reckoner-rm]

i never wanted to become this person.

that's the truth.

i never wanted to be this guarded.

this afraid. this difficult. this tired.

sometimes i look at myself

and i don't recognize the person i've become.

and sometimes i do.

which is worse.

but i understand how i got here. so i don't know where to put the anger,

because i can't hate what saved me, but i can't seem to love it either.

[reckoner-rm]

actions have always proven why words mean absolutely fucking nothing.

[reckoner-rm]

You make me feel helpless

You make me feel helpless

You remind me of why I am

suicidal in the first place.