R.M

[reckoner-rm]

you used to hold me with love. you still do hold me,

but only with regret.

you turn over after leaving your dna in me ,

and you only touch me in the dark,

And sometimes not at all

you used to love me with the lights on.

this room is nothing but an abandoned alleyway.

cold and quiet.

what happened to all the lights?

And what happened to you ?

[reckoner-rm]

Then, everything went on except for me.

[reckoner-rm]

Rivers moved, cities slept, winters died into spring

and there I was,

still holding tomorrow open for someone from yesterday...

[reckoner-rm]

I'M NOT OVERWHELMED BECAUSE I CAN'T HANDLE IT.

I'M OVERWHELMED BECAUSE I DO HANDLE IT.

ALL. OF. IT.

ALL. THE. FUCKING.

[reckoner-rm]

Just because I don't require much doesn't mean I deserve the bare minimum

[reckoner-rm]

"I had gone back to being myself. But my self did not exist."

[reckoner-rm]

I'm tired of hoping he'll cherish me the way he did when we first met.

I'm tired of spending every minute trying to pinpoint where we went wrong.

I'm tired of this tension

controlling every aspect of my life

it feels like I no longer have a life at

[reckoner-rm]

if you asked me about him, I would tell you that he hurt me.

if you asked me on a deeper level, I would tell you that he left me in fragments of what I once was.

that he took my faith in love and shattered it.

he threw it against the wall and thought nothing of the shards that scattered everywhere and pierced every part of me.

I would tell you that he altered every cell of my dna, and reshaped me into someone laying in ruins

of everything they used to be.

[reckoner-rm]

I'm slowly learning that some people

only know how to love you when you're easy.

The moment you have feelings, boundaries, or expectations... suddenly you're

"too much".

[reckoner-rm]

I JUST CRIED WHILE EATING A BOWL OF CEREAL BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS DRAINING AND I'M TIRED OF BEGGING FOR GOOD THINGS TO HAPPEN

[reckoner-rm]

Some people cannot celebrate your success when is shows them their failure

[reckoner-rm]

unfortunately i don't like opening up to my bf anymore because i feel that things get turned back onto me or he makes my feelings feel invalid.OR, he makes me feel like i'm the problem.

[reckoner-rm]

I STOPPED BEING ME A LONG TIME AGO

I CANT EVEN

REMEMBER WHO

THAT WAS

[reckoner-rm]

i am terrified that one day

i'll look back on

all of the people

the places

and the things

i had to overcome

and my whole

life will just be me overcoming

all of the things

the places

and the people

[reckoner-rm]

You can't mistreat people and then act like they betrayed you.

That's delusional.

[reckoner-rm]

You convinced me that was a monster. You convinced me that I was unworthy and incapable of being loved.

But maybe it's my fault for allowing someone to hold such power over my thoughts.

[reckoner-rm]

"What they hate in you is missing in them."