true end: 010820
well... it’s august 1st. time really does fly, huh.
i could mention all of the things i had in mind, all that i wanted to do... but things don’t really go as planned. not even in roleplay, really. still, i do feel some regrets— particularly, having lost some time over focusing on reactions to my portrayal and... not pushing myself to write more.
when i came back last year, i just wanted to have one last experience before i started grad school (even if i wasn’t sure i would be accepted). i was shadowing and studying for the admissions test during summer. a year and almost 3 months later, my MS1 year is staring right at me. ( yes, i’m counting the months i was on hiatus because biochem was kicking my butt. sue me. ) this... is officially it.
i don’t want to focus on the negative aspects; i gave those people too much of my energy. energy that... they didn’t particularly deserve. though, i’m grateful for what i learned from them— i really shouldn’t pay any mind to people who would believe anything that’s being said about me, who won’t respect me, and/or use me for their own personal gain. i don’t consider myself a great person, but i deserve some respect. even though there’s some stuff i’m still unlearning ( ex: seeking approval of my interpretation ), just the fact i can recognize that is a small victory, for me.
i’ve met great people here. i may not be as sociable as is expected, but i do appreciate the support of every single one of you. it’s this that makes it kind of... hard to leave. i wish it wasn’t over so soon, because there’s still so much i want to do with everyone. nonetheless... i’m thankful that some of you liked my portrayal of c.hiaki. now... that i say this, in the end, i just wanted for her to be seen as i saw her — kind, supportive, and a liiittle bit goofy. despite everything ( cough, d.espair arc, cough ), i think... most of us can agree she’s warm-hearted, somehow. if i was able to achieve that, it would be enough.
i wish you all the best in all your endeavors. i hope this situation is alleviated soon, too. it’s not easy... and sometimes, it gets tiring having to be resilient all the time. take care of yourselves. this... may be my farewell to the rpc, but i am willing to share my discord— if you need me to cheer you on, i’ll be here.
once again, thank you all for everything. may you all have a shining future!
warm regards,
eliza / eli ❤️












