Inspired and Restless and Doubtful and Confused
So, I've read this note in FB. It's about how she fulfilled her dream in living at Japan. It was really amazing and really inspiring. I even cried while reading that note, because that's my dream too. And I've been wanting to go to Japan since Grade 2 when my mom went there for a seminar. I was given a chance to go there, but I wasn't able to because of the visa problems. I cried that time. I was very disappointed but there was nothing I can do. (But we went to Thailand instead) Maybe it wasn't the right time yet. Years passed and I was still doing nothing. I was just dreaming about going to Japan. PURELY dreaming and not even doing anything to achieve it. No efforts or whatsoever, just enjoying my time admiring jkpop groups, slouching, wasting money on unnecessary things(not that we're rich), and being a spoiled kid as if I was from a rich family. Maybe I was like this because I am an only child, and of course my parents attention are all on me. I AM REGRETTING MOST OF IT NOW.
I am not from a rich family and I actually have some family problems. I am an impulsive buyer, that's why most of the time I don't have money inside my wallet. And after reading that note and some self-help books, I started to think about a lot of things. I've wasted most of my time for the past years. MOST, because I also enjoyed some of it. It was like being hit by reality, hard.
I am a college student. A junior and taking up Bachelor of Medical Laboratory Science (MedTech). It's my dream to become a pediatrician or a medical technologist in the future. I seriously want to help other people, it's fun doing lab works and I love science too. But then again, I love fashion, cute things, food, sweets, shoes, bags, clothes and other things related to those. I already pictured myself as a pediatrician but then, I read her note and started doubting, more like I became confused. She was there in her dreamland, working, and definitely enjoying her work. Then I started questioning myself, "Did I made the right choice in choosing my course?," "What if I am meant to do something else?" After pondering about those things, I am still confused but I still came up with a conclusion. This is the right path. I can't picture myself not being a pediatrician. But there's still this gut feeling that there's still this other thing that I'll do in the future. I may not know it now, but I can feel that it is Japan-related. Only God knows.
Well, for now, my plan is to graduate on time. But I'll try to enroll myself in a Nihongo center so that I can study and maybe, someday, take the JLPT. My mom can't support me. So I guess, I'll have to do this by myself. I hope I'll find a learning center that offers Saturday class but with a low price.
This time, I'm going to be serious, I will be more focused and I will definitely do everything that I can to make my dreams come true. I will wait patiently, because maybe that's what God's plan for me. But I swear, I will set my feet on Japan and that's where the second part of my story will begin.
