I lay on Jungkook's bed, completely naked, the sheets tangled around my legs as I stared at the rise and fall of his chest. His tired, exhausted body was already deep in sleep, utterly spent after hours of fucking me.
The sex was good. it always was.
but him? He wasn't good. Not to me, at least.
The ache in my chest throbbed as I traced the lines of his tattoos with my eyes, the dim light from the window highlighting every inch of his flawless skin. I should have left him by now. God knows I had thought about it enough times. Walking away, reclaiming some sense of self-respect. it was all I ever promised myself during these lonely, quiet moments after he had his fill and drifted off.
But I couldn't. I hated myself for it, but I couldn't.
Every time he showed up at my front door, it always ended the same way: him pushing me against the wall before I could even ask why he was there, fucking me relentlessly for hours until my body was bruised and trembling. Then I'd wake up the next morning in the mess he made. without him, without even a word of goodbye.
He wasn't mine, but I was his.
I didn't know what we were- if we were anything at all. Friends who fucked? Strangers with benefits? It wasn't like we ever talked about it. It wasn't like I ever had the courage to bring it up.
I was too much of a coward to ask him what I meant to him because deep down, I already knew the answer.
The memory of the last time he came over burned vividly in my mind.
Jungkook had changed.
He wasn't the same Jungkook I had known before this- before we started whatever this was. Once, he had been my safe place, my rock. Someone I could laugh with, lean on, trust. But now?
Now he wasn't there for me anymore.
I wasn't even sure he saw me as a person, let alone as someone who cared for him. I was just something he could use, someone he could bend and break until there was nothing left but the hollow shell of a girl hopelessly in love with a man who didn't love her back.
And yet, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much he chipped away at me, I let him stay. Because even if he didn't love me, even if I was nothing to him but a convenience, this was the closest I'd ever get to having him.
And I couldn't bear to let him go.
The knock at the door startled me, my heart racing despite the exhaustion weighing on my limbs. I opened it cautiously, only for Jungkook to push his way inside, his lips crashing into mine before I could say a word.
The kiss deepened, his hands gripping my waist like he was claiming me. I wanted to pull away, to ask him why he was here after days of silence, but I couldn't.
"M-my friend," I stammered again, my voice trembling as I tried to hold his gaze.
Jungkook stepped closer, his dark eyes piercing through me in a way that made my heart race for all the wrong reasons. His scoff was sharp, almost bitter, and his lips curled into something that wasn't quite a smile.
"Sure," he muttered, his tone dripping with disbelief. "Your friend. Is that what we're calling it now?"
I flinched at his words, my fingers clutching the hem of my hoodie as I tried to steady myself. "Why does it even matter, Jungkook? You don't...you don't care." My voice cracked at the end, and I hated how small I sounded, how fragile.
His jaw tightened, the muscle in his cheek twitching as his hands curled into fists at his sides. "It matters because I see some guy leaving your place like he owns it," he snapped, his voice low and sharp, like the words were slicing through the air. "And then you stand here acting like it's nothing."
I blinked back tears, my chest tightening painfully. "Because it is nothing!" I cried, my voice breaking as the words tumbled out of me. "And what about you, Jungkook? What am I supposed to do when you leave me every time, when you barely even look at me unless we're-" I stopped myself, choking on the words.
His gaze darkened, his shoulders tense as if he was holding himself back. "Unless we're what?" he challenged, his tone mocking.
"Unless we're having sex," I whispered, barely able to say it aloud.
The room fell silent, the weight of my words hanging between us like a storm cloud about to burst. I wiped at my eyes, but the tears kept falling, hot and unstoppable. "You don't even care about me, Jungkook," I said softly, my voice trembling. "Not really. And I- I hate myself for letting you treat me like this. For letting you...use me."
His expression flickered, something unreadable flashing in his eyes for just a moment before his mask of indifference slipped back into place. "You think I'm using you?" he asked, his voice quieter now but no less intense.
"What else would you call it?" I shot back, the words trembling on my lips. "You show up when you want, you leave when you want, and I...I let you. Because I'm stupid, and I'm in love with you, and I know you'll never feel the same way."
The confession slipped out before I could stop it, and I immediately regretted it. My hands flew to my mouth as if I could take the words back, but it was too late.
Jungkook froze, his eyes widening for just a fraction of a second before he stepped closer, his hands gripping my arms firmly but not harshly. "Y/N—"
"Don't," I interrupted, shaking my head as the tears poured down my face. "Don't say anything. I already know how you feel. I already know you don't—"
Before I could finish, his lips crashed into mine, cutting off my words and stealing the breath from my lungs.
It wasn't soft or sweet. It was desperate, almost frantic, like he was trying to silence the truth with the weight of his kiss. And as much as I wanted to push him away, as much as I wanted to demand answers, my body betrayed me.
I melted into him, my hands clutching his hoodie as if he was the only thing keeping me upright. Because he was- he always was.
When we finally broke apart, his forehead rested against mine, and for a moment, the world was quiet. My chest heaved with the effort of trying to catch my breath, but my heart was still racing, and the tears hadn't stopped.
"I hate you," I whispered, even though we both knew it wasn't true.
"I didn't ask you to love me," he said quietly, and the words struck me harder than if he'd screamed them.
I felt like I couldn't breathe. The ache in my chest was unbearable, and I bit down on my lip to keep from sobbing outright. "I know," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "You never asked. But I still did."
When he finally pulled away, his forehead rested against mine, his breath ragged. For a moment, I thought I saw something in his eyes regret, pain, something real. But it was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by that same guarded look he always wore.
"Y/N," he started, his voice low, almost pleading. But I shook my head, cutting him off.
"Don't," I whispered, my hands trembling as I gripped the sheets tighter around me. "Don't say anything. I already know."
how could someone like that ever love me? i mean i really don't get what he sees in me.
he gives me so much and all i could give him is... myself- and i feel that's not enough.
not enough as the love he gives me everyday, everynight and every chance he gets, and i fear he's good for me while im not for him.
he has given me so many good things in life and what have i given him? head? sex?
is that even enough for a relationship this young?
"you want anything?" he jogs over to me with his grinny smile, his small eyes squinting as he points back to the cafeteria cashier behind him as i sit there on the bench.
"yeah" i breathe out smiling softly back at him, "yeah? what is it?"
- You know how to ball, i know aristotle - J.JK - FF - M.LIST
pairings : fem!reader x bball player!JK
Sypnosis : when the popular school bball player just happens to be your friends with benefits. What happens when feelings and reputation collides? Will you keep it?
genre : friends2l, fluff, slowburn, mutual pining, highschoolverse, smut, tad bit of angst, romance, humour, explicit language, mostly jungkooks pov, kinky stuff, fwb2l
warning/content : exhibitionism, jealousy, mentions of cheating, dacryphillia, public business, nerd! Reader, bball player!jk, more will be added as i post the chapters of the fics
Note : its been a while since i have done this so pls bare with me. Im restarting againn!
Note - WHATSUPPPP!!! Guess who’s back??? After months of not writing i am finally back!! Please dont judge my writing and grammar as it has been a while since i did this and i am soo glad to be back here in tumblr as a writer again!! I missed u guys sm!
You were too busy studying for your midterm to attend jimin’s party.
His break up celebration party… honestly? Who throws a celebration party after a very hurtful breakup?? Him apparently.
To be fair… it was a toxic relationship he was in. Believe it or not, herin once slapped me in the face when she bumped into me and jimin at victoria secret… all he was doing was helping me pick some stuff out for jungkook!
And don’t even get me started when she called me a “fatherless bitch” infront of everyone just because i was ranting to jimin about accidentally meeting my dead beat father’s bitchy spoiled brat daughter at the chanel store getting mad at the counter. Seriously?
Jimin had tried breaking up with her countless of times. Jungkook, the group and i had tried helping him countless of times… too bad he he had a hard time coming out, considering he was wrapped around her finger and tied on a leash like a little good dog… just like his kink… he loved dominating women who’d put him rightfully in his place… but not when it involves his friends.
There was this motto of his saying ‘bros before hoes’ and those bros includes me and mina… the princess of our group, since we’re basically the only girls in the group.
And thank god jimin finally saw his worth and took it back from her… resulting in this party.
Playing dead to me by kali uchis and basically every taylor swift in the backround, and his usual alcohol mix… which was random juices and mixed alcohols… the amount if stuff he’d put in that drink was uncountable as if he was a mad scientist creating a potion… but also enough to get you drunk knocked out the third shot…
Ofcourse jungkook could never forget to tell you about the party… he even begged you during a call
“Pleasee.. pleaseee? Just come with me…. It’s been a while since we got togetherr” he pleads, basically whining to me now
“We literally just met yesterday… plus i have midterms to study for” i say with a deep breath
This was our usual typical facetime moments.
We would facetime each other at the most random times…
There was this one time jungkook called me while he was doing his laundry and while i was in class. He was wfh that time since thankfully his work was hybrid set up… and during that time when i raised my hand to answer i had accidentally hit it on the edge of my desk making me wince in pain while jungkook was laughing so hard on the call and there i was… trying hard to mute or end the call but before i could, my prof caught me and gave me a warning…
I started muting jungkook’s calls during classes from that point.
“But not to a party together… this is jimins break up party tooo” he reasons but i was still focused on writing on my notebook
“Im realllyyy busy kook… so sorry. I’ll make it up to you guys after this midterm yeah?” I said finally looking at the the phone.
Jungkooks releases a deep sigh through his pout “well i want you to see my outfit right now” he says angling his camera better as he shows his outfit. Baggy washed jeans, white rock printed shirt and plain leather jacket… specifically the jacket i had bought for him with my first ever paycheck at my part time job which i swore was too small for him… and him wearing it made my lips curve into a little smile “love your jacket kook” i let out a soft chuckle
“Got it from the best” he teases “gosh..” i shake my head laughing softly “oh well then… im going to the party… i’ll make sure to send you pics” he says grinning at the camera, his lip ring sitting so comfortably on his lip “you make me sound like those toxic boyfriends” i snort “guess that makes both of us then” he jokes as i laugh.
Me and jungkook never expected this. Us being friends with benefits happening… until laura and him stopped happening anymore… and maybe me and jay too.
We had both different situations but the same goal and same needs… laura dumped him after a 3 good year relationship and jay cheated on me in the whole 2 years with his ex girlfriend
But back to me and jungkook
Jimin was next building, taehyung was awake, the others were free yet the first move and thought jungkook had was you. He never understood this pull towards you but he just lets it.
“Can you come over? Im sorry if i woke you up” was all it took for you to show up at his door with a bag with sojus in your hands.
And seeing you there, standing, barefaced, long slightly messy hair in just your spider man pjs was all it took for him to pull you in for a kiss right then and there making you drop the plastic bag.
But before you could even kiss him back he pulls away giving you a full view of his puffy red glossy eyes yet you were still standing there shocked.
He face palms himself showering your frozen stunned speechless state with ‘im sorry’s and ‘i shouldn’t have done that’
You didn’t even know who did it first but there you were, back to his lips, wrapping arms around his neck like it was a habit you were definitely ready to get used to.
Ofcourse the grntleman jungkook is he stops you before you could unbutton your pjs “let’s talk about this first- i- im sorry- i don’t want you to feel like im just using you…” he mutters, he swears he wasn’t looking at you any weird but at that moment. The moment he saw you in that doorway everything jad slowed down and it was as if he saw finally the light.
You were the one who proposed the fwb thing… ofcourse you did.
You thought maybe it was good for you two… you had needs and he had needs but no matter how similar it was it was still differs.
You needed release, good, rough fucking, and his dick…
I guess that’s what you tell yourself when you start feeling deeper.
and he needed you. Not just your pussy, your kisses- sure he loved all that but he needed you… your presence, your energy, your words- just you is all he needs.
Maybe that’s why jungkook had always felt this something towards you- for you ever since the first time you had joined the group. He didn’t even know it, he just subconsciously reacted to it, his body and actions did.
Whether it was giving you his seat and standing the whole entire time, helping you peel perilla leaf, or letting you wear his rubber shoes and walking barefoot when you wear high heels.
His action spoke more than his words, and maybe that’s enough for him to finally accept it now, all that’s left for you is to accept it aswell.
You remember that night very vividly
After that conversation he fucked you right then and there on the couch, then in the shower after that then maybe morning sex and a breakfast kitchen sex.
It was alot of sex:
You two couldn’t get enough of each other.
You look at ur phone seeing it’s only 9:57 pm, you thought of the party jungkook was basically begging u to go and maybe u could use some distraction after all this stress from studying… even tho you are a bit late, but atleast you showed up?
After all “better late than never” is what they say
You go to the party at probably 11 as the first thing you saw when u got there was jungkook.
Drinking 20 shots that were lined up on the table while yoongi was doing the same. We borh know damn well jungkook will not end up good with this, i mean if there was a crazy person who could still tolerate jimin crazy alcohol concoction it would be yoongi. Our friends call him dionyus for that.
“Go jungkook!!!” “Jungkook you’re never gonna win this, stop before ur gonna vomit!” Namjoon the ever so caring friend that we have.
Jungkook was on his tenth shot and he was already on the verge of throwing up already, but his competitiveness weren’t going to let him lose.
He didn’t win.
…..
But he did win the bathroom after a long time of waiting in the line
You went quickly to the bathroom to help him as you rub ur palm up and down and round and round on his back, soothing him as he throws up.
“Kook… you shouldn’t have drank all that” i say kneeling on the bathroom floor near to toilet, putting his hair back as he vomits. “W-why are you calling me that-“ “hueeghh” he pukes another one last making him just sit on the floor while i get tissues on the counter to wipe his mouth “gosh… you and your competitiveness” you shake your head laughing softly as jungkook cups your face. “You look like my y/n-ie…” he murmurrs grinning ear to ear before leaning in to kiss me but i stop him as i wipe his mouth and give him water “water first yeah?” I said giving to him the water bottle that i always bring in my bag as he drinks it obediently… like a good boy.
“You really do look like her… but she’s prettier…” he murrmurs giving me back the water.
Jungkook was dead wasted.
“Yeah? Who do i look like?” I raise my eyebrows
“Like my y/n… she said she couldn’t come today because of her damn midterms…” he sighs pouting “am i meeting her doppelgänger right now?” His hands makes its way to touching my face and every curve of it.
And suddenly jungkook pulls me in a kiss. It wasn’t really a make out kiss- he presses his lips onto mine deeply hugging me before pushing me away.
“Omygod- i messed up-“ jungkooks tears starts forming looking at me so drunk and wasted. “Fuck- no- i can only kiss y/n- no-“ “kook-“ “no-!” Jungkook gets up wobbily as i quickly stands up helping him “i- no- don’t call me that- shit!” Jungkook panicks.
“Fuck… i- y/n would really be mad-“
I look at his actions now. Clearly to drunk to know that i am y/n not a random girl. “You’re probably ugly- y/n is prettier-“ jungkook wipes his lips with water “kook- stop it…” i try to stop him “no- i messed up-“ i hold his shoulders making him look into my eyes “jungkook…! You didn’t mess up…”
Jungkooks tears fall hearing me.
“Come on… let’s bring you to your place… where’s your keys…?” I say feeling his pockets feeling his car keys “no… call my y/nie….” He whines like a child as i hug him from the back desperately trying to push him out as we made it in the apartment hallway after countless attempts of jungkook getting away from me.
The walk to his apartment wasn’t long… it was just next building to jimins so it was easy.
I plop him on his bed as he was asleep already knocked out as i caress his cheek “oh you poor boy…” i chuckle kissing his lips before tucking him in bed.
Ofcourse i didn’t forget, i left pain killers and water on nightstand for him
Before i could walk out of his door i turn around to look at jungkook.
Wasted, knocked out and asleep on his bed.
Snoring like a baby.
And that was enough for me to admit what i had for him
I lay on Jungkook's bed, completely naked, the sheets tangled around my legs as I stared at the rise and fall of his chest. His tired, exhausted body was already deep in sleep, utterly spent after hours of fucking me.
The sex was good. it always was.
but him? He wasn't good. Not to me, at least.
The ache in my chest throbbed as I traced the lines of his tattoos with my eyes, the dim light from the window highlighting every inch of his flawless skin. I should have left him by now. God knows I had thought about it enough times. Walking away, reclaiming some sense of self-respect. it was all I ever promised myself during these lonely, quiet moments after he had his fill and drifted off.
But I couldn't. I hated myself for it, but I couldn't.
Every time he showed up at my front door, it always ended the same way: him pushing me against the wall before I could even ask why he was there, fucking me relentlessly for hours until my body was bruised and trembling. Then I'd wake up the next morning in the mess he made. without him, without even a word of goodbye.
He wasn't mine, but I was his.
I didn't know what we were- if we were anything at all. Friends who fucked? Strangers with benefits? It wasn't like we ever talked about it. It wasn't like I ever had the courage to bring it up.
I was too much of a coward to ask him what I meant to him because deep down, I already knew the answer.
The memory of the last time he came over burned vividly in my mind.
Jungkook had changed.
He wasn't the same Jungkook I had known before this- before we started whatever this was. Once, he had been my safe place, my rock. Someone I could laugh with, lean on, trust. But now?
Now he wasn't there for me anymore.
I wasn't even sure he saw me as a person, let alone as someone who cared for him. I was just something he could use, someone he could bend and break until there was nothing left but the hollow shell of a girl hopelessly in love with a man who didn't love her back.
And yet, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much he chipped away at me, I let him stay. Because even if he didn't love me, even if I was nothing to him but a convenience, this was the closest I'd ever get to having him.
And I couldn't bear to let him go.
The knock at the door startled me, my heart racing despite the exhaustion weighing on my limbs. I opened it cautiously, only for Jungkook to push his way inside, his lips crashing into mine before I could say a word.
The kiss deepened, his hands gripping my waist like he was claiming me. I wanted to pull away, to ask him why he was here after days of silence, but I couldn't.
"M-my friend," I stammered again, my voice trembling as I tried to hold his gaze.
Jungkook stepped closer, his dark eyes piercing through me in a way that made my heart race for all the wrong reasons. His scoff was sharp, almost bitter, and his lips curled into something that wasn't quite a smile.
"Sure," he muttered, his tone dripping with disbelief. "Your friend. Is that what we're calling it now?"
I flinched at his words, my fingers clutching the hem of my hoodie as I tried to steady myself. "Why does it even matter, Jungkook? You don't...you don't care." My voice cracked at the end, and I hated how small I sounded, how fragile.
His jaw tightened, the muscle in his cheek twitching as his hands curled into fists at his sides. "It matters because I see some guy leaving your place like he owns it," he snapped, his voice low and sharp, like the words were slicing through the air. "And then you stand here acting like it's nothing."
I blinked back tears, my chest tightening painfully. "Because it is nothing!" I cried, my voice breaking as the words tumbled out of me. "And what about you, Jungkook? What am I supposed to do when you leave me every time, when you barely even look at me unless we're-" I stopped myself, choking on the words.
His gaze darkened, his shoulders tense as if he was holding himself back. "Unless we're what?" he challenged, his tone mocking.
"Unless we're having sex," I whispered, barely able to say it aloud.
The room fell silent, the weight of my words hanging between us like a storm cloud about to burst. I wiped at my eyes, but the tears kept falling, hot and unstoppable. "You don't even care about me, Jungkook," I said softly, my voice trembling. "Not really. And I- I hate myself for letting you treat me like this. For letting you...use me."
His expression flickered, something unreadable flashing in his eyes for just a moment before his mask of indifference slipped back into place. "You think I'm using you?" he asked, his voice quieter now but no less intense.
"What else would you call it?" I shot back, the words trembling on my lips. "You show up when you want, you leave when you want, and I...I let you. Because I'm stupid, and I'm in love with you, and I know you'll never feel the same way."
The confession slipped out before I could stop it, and I immediately regretted it. My hands flew to my mouth as if I could take the words back, but it was too late.
Jungkook froze, his eyes widening for just a fraction of a second before he stepped closer, his hands gripping my arms firmly but not harshly. "Y/N—"
"Don't," I interrupted, shaking my head as the tears poured down my face. "Don't say anything. I already know how you feel. I already know you don't—"
Before I could finish, his lips crashed into mine, cutting off my words and stealing the breath from my lungs.
It wasn't soft or sweet. It was desperate, almost frantic, like he was trying to silence the truth with the weight of his kiss. And as much as I wanted to push him away, as much as I wanted to demand answers, my body betrayed me.
I melted into him, my hands clutching his hoodie as if he was the only thing keeping me upright. Because he was- he always was.
When we finally broke apart, his forehead rested against mine, and for a moment, the world was quiet. My chest heaved with the effort of trying to catch my breath, but my heart was still racing, and the tears hadn't stopped.
"I hate you," I whispered, even though we both knew it wasn't true.
"I didn't ask you to love me," he said quietly, and the words struck me harder than if he'd screamed them.
I felt like I couldn't breathe. The ache in my chest was unbearable, and I bit down on my lip to keep from sobbing outright. "I know," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "You never asked. But I still did."
When he finally pulled away, his forehead rested against mine, his breath ragged. For a moment, I thought I saw something in his eyes regret, pain, something real. But it was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by that same guarded look he always wore.
"Y/N," he started, his voice low, almost pleading. But I shook my head, cutting him off.
"Don't," I whispered, my hands trembling as I gripped the sheets tighter around me. "Don't say anything. I already know."
Hey!! who missed me? yes that's right im back now.
its been a while since ive posted or written a fic and now i think i wanna go back to it.
my life right now isn't that good as before but im healing. i missed writing so much.
im in theatre club in my new school right now and school is hectic yes. my gap year of school is done and my doctors told me im getting better and that's good.
i finally believe and think that i'll make it past 30 years old.
how are you all? have you all eaten? drank? please stay healthy:)
if you're having a bad day just remember there is a stranger on tumblr (me) who cares about you regardless if we know each other or not.
im glad to be back in writing:)
these are all the fics that i will be continuing.
cruel secrets - epilogues, and drabbles.
pose for me - reposting it here on tumblr.
everything is embarassing - will be restarting since i forgot the plot.
priorities - will be posting the written part this week.
can you guys guess what's my new theme gonna be? hihi
Hey guys! Quick note i’ll be on a temporary break from tumblr, wattpad, writing or whatsoever.
Due to personal reasons and specifically mommy issues and health shit going on in my life im gonna have to lowkey take a break from everything.
Not sure how long it’ll take but i promise i’ll be back!!
Im genuinely soo happy and proud to see people loving my fics and my writing and i appreciate you guys appreciating me.
Knowing that there are atleast people online appreciating me even if it’s just my writings makes things slightly better.
Im really thankful for everyone looking forward to read my fics and im so so so so happy that even i can’t name how much i feel about my writings being read.
I didn’t wanna leave u guys hanging here and thinking i just left without a goodbye but this isn’t a goodbye. More like a “see you again” bye.
And yes this is actually serious not the “im getting lazy so i wont write for a while” i just really lost everything especially my spark for everything.
You can’t grow a plant by pouring from an empty watering can right?
So i’ll try my best to get back some of that water even if it’s the slightest bit of drop i can get and i will pour everything to let it grow again back to its healthy and healed form.
janainaart
jacobvanloon
germansingergirl
2087
origamiaround
theartofmadeline