tune my heart

a canvas.

[korinnebaker]

on here to update the world that i am happy :)

i have peace in where i am.

i see joy in my future.

i am loved well and i get to love well.

the Lord has and is providing everything i need.

i continue to trust Him with my life.

ps- i get married in 25 days. jon is the love of my life- a feeling i never thought was truly possible. so thankful all of those lesser loves didn’t pan out. God knows best.

3.18.25

[korinnebaker]

I should have guarded my heart.

I let someone know me- purely me

my heart, my mind, my quirks, my dreams,

my fears, my weakest moments

I felt safe and understood and known

and for what?

for all that information to just be out there?

to just be forgotten?

to be let go of and the residue rinsed off?

friendships aren’t supposed to end.

and what do I do with the information I’ve gathered?

with everything I was allowed to learn in confidence? to hold?

I want to keep it safe.

I want to check on it.

I want it to be cared for and treasured and secure.

it matters.

now what?

friendships aren’t supposed to end.

10.21.23

[korinnebaker]

am I doing okay if I’m writing on tumblr again?

[korinnebaker]

my last minutes of year thirty.

thirty was big- filled with change and letting go and embracing the new. thirty was comfortable in my skin. thirty was sure of who I am. thirty was having no idea what I was doing, but trying anyway. thirty was challenging and lonely and stretching and fun.

thirty was full.

truthfully I would happily stay thirty for the next few years. it just feels good here. “in my thirties” doesn’t have quite the same shimmer to it. but life moves on and so must I. here’s to thirty-one.

5.8.22

[korinnebaker]

The safe space

The family

The oasis

I built

And poured

My life into

Is gone

And my heart

Is breaking

09.25.21

(I will forever treasure the memories of theOAK of the past, and have love for everyone who was a part)

[korinnebaker]

Leaving is hard

Leaving the old behind

The comfortable mess

The broken in brokenness

The trusted routine

Free is better

Free is breathing in full gulps

I’m coming for you, free

08/09/2021

[korinnebaker]

Two months into 30

Commute, work, and search for a place to live and car that won’t explode

Missing everyone I love

Taking a night to breathe on my own

Alone is not my favorite way to be but I need it

Walking around my town

Circling blocks

Spiraling

What if’s have always taken me to dark places

What if I had gone to school for something more sustainable? What if I hadn’t worked a decade for an unlivable wage? What if I had saved instead of traveled? Would I be in a better situation now? What if I hadn’t loved who I loved? What if I hadn’t been broken and stuck there for those four years? Would I be with someone great now? Would I be different? What if I had taken my passions seriously and invested in one thing? Would I be better by now? Would I feel more secure? Would I feel less like an imposter? What if?

Even if so, reality is now

I am who I am because it was

I loved my job between the struggle

I loved that man between the heartbreak

I’ve loved myself between the hate

Mistakes and missteps and memories

I’m here now

I think I like here

I feel swallowed but with a ladder

And I will learn and I will grow

07/16/2021

[korinnebaker]

When we were twenty-five we talked about turning thirty, and all of the things we thought we’d feel. At twenty-nine we felt the strain between recklessness and stability- a constant reminder of being at the brink. Today you turn thirty and I’m not there to watch your face as you soak it all in. I don’t want to be, but I remember.

I remember your dreams and your fears. I remember the goals you had wished to accomplish before this date. With true sincerity, I hope for the best, no matter our story. Happy birthday.

10/18/20

[korinnebaker]

It snowed on my birthday in May, and that was the least-abnormal occurrence of 2020 so far.

[dictionaryofobscuresorrows]

agnosthesia

n. the state of not knowing how you really feel about something, which forces you to sift through clues hidden in your behavior, as if you were some other person—noticing a twist of acid in your voice, an obscene amount of effort put into something trifling, or an inexplicable weight on your shoulders that makes it difficult to get out of bed.

[korinnebaker]

““Love is taking a few steps backward, maybe even more, to give way to the happiness of the person you love.””

— A.A. Milne

[korinnebaker]

But not too many steps.

[korinnebaker]

Today someone said, “Can’t believe there are only four months ‘til June.” Four months ‘til this June means it’s been eight months since last June.

Eight months have passed and I’m still alive. I’m still moving forward. I thought I would be in limbo forever, but here I am. And I will only continue to thrive.

I do miss the good hugs.

02/06/20

[korinnebaker]

Sometimes all I can think about is how much I miss you, and how happy I was when we were together. Then I try to remind myself of how awful it felt when you chose me last over and over, and all the excuses I made for you, and how small you made me.

I still miss you, even though I shouldn’t . 9/17/19

[tblaberge]

“But what happens when no one is there to hold us? What happens when the rain falls and no one is there to wipe away the tears? What happens when all that we knew becomes something we forget? What happens? How do we move on from the place we thought we would never leave? We weep, we breathe, and we live. You are stronger than you know, you are allowed to be weak on your own because the sun will rise and you will laugh with hope. The years will change and you will love, the mountains stand strong, and so will you.”

— T.B. LaBerge // Go Now

[korinnebaker]

I dreamt we held hands, giggling and telling stories as we walked around a city in the glow of the lights and light breeze. Probably because it was very much like one of my recent favorite nights with you.

6/25/19

[korinnebaker]

6/20/2019

[korinnebaker]

Sundays are the good kind of exhausting.