Mom was 91 years old and living with us. In addition to being very old Mom had Alzheimer's disease. Life was long and hard.
It was becoming increasingly difficult to take care of her needs and Hero’s too. In short, I was plum worn out.
Then the worst happened. Mom fell and in less than a month she was dead. But, I was too tired to register anything more than shock.
Mom died on May 12,1915 by October the exhaustion was getting so deep I could barely cope.
Here is where I insert. For Pete’s sake don’t be a Hero. I tried to tell people that something was wrong, but they told me I was just mourning Mom.
And I was in a way, but it was more than that. When Hero would lie in bed in the morning waiting for me to get up and get the day started, I would actually pray that he get up and walk the dog, make the coffee and tea and feed the cats. He did occasionally, but usually I played Hero and got my self out of bed and dragged myself to satisfy everyone.
Finally things got so bad I went to the Doctor and begged him to help me. Told him something was wrong with my belly or something and I was too tired.
Of course he gave me a new and better feel good pill and told me to give “it” time. Said he would order some tests, “one of these days we will ultra sound your abdomen.
Those order would come weeks and weeks later. Too late.
Tommy S and Marisa were married late in the fall. We made it to the wedding, but to me it was a horror show. The wedding was miles away and the reception included food and dancing. plus a walk up a hill from the parking lot.
A two hour car ride left me exhausted just to get to the place I couldn’t imagine being.
Food no longer appealed to me, but the idea of walking a buffet line was worse. To say nothing of dancing.
Years ago Hero and I had loved to cut a bit of a flash now and again. That night I nearly cried trying to imagine getting back to the car much less dancing.
No one seemed to notice, and those that did thought us lazy or withdrawn. I was too tired to fix it. I wanted to go home and get into a bed where I would not sleep.
I ate less. My belly swelled bigger. I felt worse. No one cared.
Control over my bodily functions began to fail. I could see Hero’s look of disgust as he caught me washing out another pair of panties. I didn’t care
All that was possible was to get one foot in front of the other and do what seemed to be expected of me. I did it.
The horror story was about to end or at least get so big that it didn’t matter.
Beth, our daughter, stayed on after the wedding. I was thrilled and was about to become more so.
One morning I went to the bathroom to pee. Thank goodness I didn’t flush. I never look at what I do, just do it and get it done.
Getting ready to sit down, I noticed the stool was full of blood. I went and got Hero, accused him of playing a joke on me.
It was no joke. It was rich red blood. A little investigation an we determined it was not coming from anywhere except my bladder.
Again I peed hot rich blood. We got Beth and went to the hospital and the comedy of errors began.
I started Chemo today for metastatic renal cancer and the stuff is making me tired again , so the comedy will come tomorrow.
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