#1 cressida kroft stan

[korvosa]

Verya: Yeah, I looked both ways before crossing the street.

Verya: I looked both 'handsome' and 'radiant'.

Verya: Too bad I got hit by that cart.

[korvosa]

Hilja, spying on Sabina 1st session: Good God, Sabina is gay.

Hilja: She's even more powerful than I thought.

[korvosa]

Verya: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Artrin, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

[korvosa]

Candaith (about Greg): I thought this was going to be a casual one-night stand? But maybe it could be a casual… one thousand-night stand. Maybe we could keep casually having sex, and then casually have kids together, and then casually grow old together. Casually get on each other’s health insurance. Then casually die side by side, like in the end of The Notebook.

[korvosa]

Artrin: Zanza, I have a better idea.

Zanza: No, you don’t, Artrin. History has proven that.

[korvosa]

Hilja: If I had Blood Veil, could I do this? *is standing still*

Emberstorm: ...what are you doing?

Hilja: Cartwheels. Am I not doing them?

Emberstorm: No.

[korvosa]

Cressida: I didn’t understand why people care so much about their dumb friends until I got dumb friends myself. I’ve only had Manus Populi for a day and a half, but if anything happened to them, I would kill everyone in Citadel Volshyenek and then myself.

[korvosa]

*sneaking around a garden*

Hilja: Everyone, quick, pretend to be gardening!

Vel: Svet, grab that hoe for me.

Svetlana: *grabs Verya’s arm*

Verya: Bitch, that’s not what she meant-

[korvosa]

Penlador: You’re pretty dumb.

Verya: Thank you.

Penlador: Why are you thanking me? I just insulted you.

Verya: All I heard was “You’re pretty.” I’m focusing on the positives of life.

[korvosa]

Penlador: You guys came over from the Jeggare River, right? I hope you don’t trek sand in here.

Vel: Yeah, THAT’S Korvosa’s problem.

Vel: Too much sand.

[korvosa]

Svetlana (to the Bashwater Boys): You have a bright, wide-open future with a thousand options. And you can trust me, because I don’t care enough about you to lie.

[korvosa]

Verya: When we were little, you said I could grow up to be anything I wanted. Well, I want to be someone who gets to use this sweet-ass dagger.

Verya: *holds up the Keylock Killer’s dagger* I mean, come on. Come on.

Jakob:

[korvosa]

Trinia: A smile is the quickest way to brighten a room.

Zanza: Have you tried opening a fucking blind?

[korvosa]

Hilja: Why are there dead people in here?

Artrin: There were probably alive people in here, and then something happened that made them dead.

Hilja: Great analysis, Artrin.

[korvosa]

Kidnappers: We have your son.

Hilja: But none of us have a son.

Kidnappers: Then who just asked us for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?

Hilja: Oh my gods, they have Artrin!

[korvosa]

Cressida: Okay, so Penlador, in your own words - [reads from complaint paper] "Someone replaced all my quills and pencils with crayons. I suspect Vel." [flips to another paper] "Everyone has called me 'Jenlador' all day. I think Vel paid them to."

Vel: [laughs] Yes! Five gold pieces each. And it was totally worth it.

Cressida: [reading] "This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Vel tried to convince me I committed murder. I think she may be the real murderer." [flips to another paper] "Vel said there was an abandoned infant in the bathroom. When I went to save the child, I saw Doctor Davaulus on the can." Gah! "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with my helmet."

Vel: That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more copper pieces into his helmet, till he got used to the weight, and then I just... took 'em all out.

Cressida: [reading] "Every time I tried to speak, I would smile instead."

Vel: Just a simple wand. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.

Cressida: "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the courtyard."

Vel: Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day.

[korvosa]

Manus Populi: Oh no, we fucked up again!

Me, DMing: They said, with surprise in their voice for some unknown reason.