(is there really a difference between main and secondary? no not really i guess, just the frequency with which i write them. maybe. who knows. either way they're all open for all rp/memes/etc :3 we're just here to have fun & feel shit)
The life of an idol is hardly a breeze to begin with. Packed schedules, arduous training, hours and hours practicing, public scrutiny and learning new ways to feel self-conscious and insecure... It's been his dream and he's so grateful to be where he is now, but that doesn't mean it's not at the cost of very very hard work.
On top of that... debuting not once, but twice... To some, as two different people. To others, as some kind of freak. But to the ones who love and support him the most, as someone who'd managed to come into their own and shine in his passion as an entertainer on stage.
With his first group, Idle Flow, he had come to feel quite comfortable with his fellow members-- they were all very sweet girls, luckily for him. And there were a few others in the same agency he was under that he'd grown fairly close to as well. One particular male idol he'd even developed the beginnings of a crush on.
But when Idle Flow's success waned (something he did and still kind of does blame himself for, at least partially), and they were given the choice to re-negotiate or be released from their contracts, Yuichi chose to be released and immediately retreated back to Kamakura, with hardly a word to anyone afterwards.
He hadn't realized anyone would miss him so much.
His new group's company had frontloaded a lot of their promo, getting a lot of variety and other filming in before their debut officially released. So it was no wonder Saseki had been so surprised to see him, and since then, they had become friends again.
Friends, but...
---
...but it had become something more, at least to Yuichi, and while he thinks perhaps Saseki feels it too... he hasn't been sure.
Whether Saseki wants him as more than a friend is... not irrelevant (far from it, of course), but... he's determined to not let the answer one way or another ruin or end their friendship, so long as Saseki wants to continue.
But it's the not knowing-- the agonizing over every interaction after they hang out, the sick feeling that he might be reading too much into messages they send, the worry that he might just be delusional for even thinking he's getting any kind of signals-- that's killing him and has him to this point.
It'd been a definitive sentence-- "Tell me you don't want me, and I'll believe you."-- but the waver in Yuichi's quiet voice betrays the sheer mortification of making such a request.
Saseki's intense answer is... a relief, but also brings a new wave of anxiety.
"I..." He looks down into his coffee, and when he realizes he can see his own reflection in the liquid's surface, he averts his eyes elsewhere. "I didn't forget you," he clarifies first, as if that's what matters right now.
"And... if you say you want me... then I believe you."
guess what heckers i'm queueueueueing replies !!! (i will set them to post once i get thru my drafts)
some threads/asks i may drop just because it's been so long and there's kind of a pile 😭 but if there's one you really don't want to drop let me know!!!
watching Keith Plays a Porn Game (from try guys lol) and been thinking about how @zantedeschia-praesul had mentioned before the suggestion of yuichi wearing lingerie (?) so. have some doodles
currently very much missing writing sexy stuff LOL
