I opened my door dozens of times last night
And each one I hoped it was you in the other side
I hoped your your obsessive, impulsive love
Had gone so far to risk everything to be at my door
And
What’s worse
You would’ve come
If I’d simply asked you

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@krevice
I opened my door dozens of times last night
And each one I hoped it was you in the other side
I hoped your your obsessive, impulsive love
Had gone so far to risk everything to be at my door
And
What’s worse
You would’ve come
If I’d simply asked you
I hope that god will reward me
For choosing loneliness
Against this unbearable feeling
Against such loss, such deep loss
I hope that god will bring me what I need
In return for turning away what I don’t
No use looking out
It’s within that brings that lonely feeling
Understand that when you leave here
You’ll be there among better men
Alone again
Perhaps
Life is not about vehemence
Or scale
Or dominance
Perhaps
It’s about community
About collection of little acts
You, the act
Part of the collection
Perhaps, I’ve been seeking big
When what I wanted
Was the impacts of small
I can’t believe you’ve gone this time
I can’t believe what state you’ve left me in
I can’t believe how much I still love you
I can’t believe I’ll love again
I can’t believe this, all this
I can’t believe all this is because of you
I can’t believe you, that you’d done this
I can’t believe I’m not done with this
I can’t believe I’m still writing about you
I can’t believe it’s been two years
You pulled me down so low
I threw away all my morals
All my cares and worries
All my logic and values
To satisfy you
I gave in and gave up
And now you’ve finally left
And here I am, empty
Because I gave everything away
You can move on, I hope you do
I hope you find someone who fills your cavern
While I carry mine
And stumble through life
With its weight, in your shape
How will I fill my cavern
When you made it?
No one else is going to fit
Don’t you understand?
No one will fit in here
I cannot love again
Because nobody fits
Why didn’t you stay?
Just another 15 minutes?
Why did you have to leave?
When I needed you so deeply?
Why do I feel I’m losing you?
Can’t you see?
I don’t have anyone left
Who I trust
Who understands me
Who won’t take everything away
I hope it doesn’t work out
I hope you come back to me
On your knees
Begging for me back
And I’ll let go of all my sense
Unravel all my hard work
And lose myself in your arms
Succumb to your demands
In return for my soul
It’ll taste delicious
As our traumas meet
In tears and sheets and kisses
I will find comfort in that glorious
Push and pull
The game of cat and mouse
One is neither and both
That awfully sweet mess
That toxic waste of our love
It hurt when I saw you’d found someone else
I knew we’d reached the finale
You no longer need me now
You’ve chosen to leave me alone
Finally
After I asked you so many times
It was only when you found something better
That you let me free
But now I’m left with so many scars
You’ve left me soaking in my blood
I’m drowning in our battlefield
I don’t know if I can get out
Or wash the blood
Or heal the scars
I don’t know if I can ever love again
Because you are so deep rooted in my heart
The hurt went so deep and the love filled the wounds
Even if they heal
They heal over my love
After all this
I love you more than any man I’ve met
And this finale
Your finding someone new
Has hurt me most of all
I lost you to feel free
But I’m haunted by your memory
So now I’m bound to misery
With your side of the bed empty
Your shackles are on the floor
I’ve walked through the open door
To seize a life of more
Yet sacrificed you, your
Your
Everything
That entirety
You gave
You demanded
I want you
You know it’s true
I lied to save you
I wish you knew
That the words told to you
Are not the full truth
But to protect you
Tonight
I want to be held
By familiar arms
I want to be incased
Wrapped, pressed
Against a warm skin
I know too well
I want to spend the night
In a bed that feels full
I tread into darkness For the first time I risk loneliness I fear I have expired And my previous love was my last chance I have gambled In hope of something better But now I am in limbo I float in the unknown I do not search I do not pine I do not call I float Until I am washed ashore
today i only remember the good today i want to drop everything and go to the other side of the world today i only find happiness in you today i want you so bad my heart might burst today i want you to go against my wishes and message me i want you to write about me hound me beg me
i left you on the other side of the world i ignored your messages yet i still see you in my dreams i cannot get away
I just can’t book this flight
It’s too close to you
I feel as if I’m betraying love itself
If I book that flight without seeing you
I miss you today
Is it bad that I lied?
Lied and said I didn’t want you
Lied because I thought it was the right thing
Lied to protect you from me
And to protect me from you
Follow me around again?
Like you used to
Come to my house late at night
And hold me in your arms
Today I forget about your tantrums
Your demands your spikes your difficulties
Today I want all of those things
Because they’re you
You are my favourite
Of all of them
You still have my heart
And I don’t know when I’ll get it back
Of if I’ll get it back
I don’t have much left really
I’m spent
I feel like I’ve never had a choice in love
I’ve always been chased until I give in
My love has always been like a gift
Bestowed on the most persistent
Yet I’d give it freely to many who caught my eye
But they don’t want it
Today I feel as if I won’t find love
Until I’m pursued once again
But I feel that with each day
There is less and less to be desired
Just mess, mess and mess
And the tigers that desire
Are worse, worse and worse
I can’t wait for this all to be lost in fire
To be made equal in ash
Quiet, burned and pointless