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yours truly - 'Til The World Ends (Britney Spears, ya'll)

Every year the Saturday that's closest to Valentine's Day, I play this show with my pals and excellent Outlaw Country outfit The Beagle Brothers at our favorite local dive bar Sonny's Tavern here in Pittsburgh. They change their name to The Beagle Balladeers and transform into the greatest 80s Power Ballad band you've ever seen and I usually pick a theme/era and do my own cover set. In year's past, I've done Doo-Wop love songs, 60s Girl Groups and last year I did just about any song about sex I could find and did that.

This year however, I'm doing songs sung by females from the last 5 years of Top 40 Pop music and completely changing the music so it sounds nothing like its original. Adele's "Someone Like You" is becoming an upbeat Doo-Wop dancer, Miley Cyrus' "Party In The USA" is being thrown into a minor key and becoming an Rockabilly stomper and right here, Britney Spears' "Til The World Ends" is probably the best of the set. Here's 90 seconds of how I've decided to do it.

And if you're going to be in Pittsburgh the weekend of the 16th, I suggest you be there too. It's free, all the ladies will get a complimentary rose upon entering and every single person will be drunk so we can all be embarrassed together.

Here's the Facebook invite if you're interested and in town: http://www.facebook.com/events/320502194734754/

In his book Why We Can't Wait, first published in June 1964, the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., wrote:

More than twenty-five years ago, one of the southern states adopted a new method of capital punishment. Poison gas supplanted the gallows. In its earliest stages, a microphone was placed inside the sealed death chamber so that scientific observers might hear the words of the dying prisoner to judge how the human reacted in this novel situation.

The first victim was a young Negro. As the pellet dropped into the container, and the gas curled upward, through the microphone came these words: "Save me, Joe Louis. Save me, Joe Louis. Save me, Joe Louis..."

For those of you who don't know Joe Louis was a boxer and one of the most important ones in American history next to Jack Johnson and Muhammad Ali in terms of cultural significance.

This song brings me to tears every time without the slightest argument, but perhaps only because I know its history.

Tomorrow I'm opening up the bar at 6pm and playing 6 straight hours of Christmas Soul, Funk, Doo-Wop and Jump Blues. Tonight, it's all yours Spotify users. I suggest you hit shuffle, hit play, grab way too many drinks and enjoy yourself with it.

#music #spotify

I'm pretty good at the Internet tonight, you guys.

I came to the conclusion that whoever played this song tonight under my shift at the bar might have played the very best song that ever existed from the 1990s as a whole.

backwoodsnation

#misfits

I'll take one of everything.

What do you call a fart wearing a top hat and monocle?

A noble gas.

#I'll be here all week #Try the veal!

YOU CANNOT PHOTOCHOMP A HURRICANO. THIS IS RAELLY HAPPINEING IN NEW YURK CIMMY!

Miguel - "Where's The Fun In Forever"

You can keep all of the sexually tortured new R&B artists like Frank Ocean, The Weeknd and Drake. I'll take the sexually giddy Miguel any day over all of them.

This is one of the finest R&B albums in a very long time.

The Franchise Wars have begun.

Exactly one year ago today, all of us on the eastern seaboard felt the earth move a little bit and took to the Internet wondering if anybody else felt that thing.

In some ways, we feel it every day.

NEVER FORGET.

There's another version of this song, but I'm going to pretend like it was never recorded.

General Soul Music Rule: When it comes to 60s Soul, if a cut ever presents itself as having a version between up-front, backing vocals and soft, sultry horns playing cool and low, go with the version with horns. I love vocal harmony more than I love anything about music, but not when it comes to this arena.

The Byrds - "You're Still On My Mind"

So here's something I was completely unaware of until the last few months when my roommate, world's biggest Country music fan, made me aware of. After The Byrds made a career out of basically being a Bob Dylan cover band, they hooked up with a nice, young man by the name of Gram Parsons who was really into Country music. And then The Byrds went Country for a few records.

And those few records are so fucking good that talking about The Byrds pre-Country albums is like talking about Van Halen without David Lee Roth on lead. The diaspora in sound and quality is so vast that the two acts are practically two completely different acts.

Oh...you're totally welcome.

Don't do it.

Even if it's been more than 6 months since you were there last.

Even if you and your romantic partner made the decision to do it together in solidarity.

Even if it's just to see a slice of your old life so you can share that with each other.

Don't do it, folks.

Don't rejoin OKCupid.

Jimmy Cliff - "One More"

I was going to go to sleep hours ago BUT THEN THE NEW JIMMY CLIFF ALBUM PRODUCED BY TIM ARMSTRONG INTRODUCED ITSELF TO MY EARS AND HAS DECIDED TO HAVE THE SAME CONVERSATION OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR THE LAST 5 HOURS.

If you loved the "Sacred Fire EP" and were hoping for more of the same, you got your wish granted.

I am about to blow your mind and cause a complete reevaluation of your life after I type this:

In the song, Axl Rose says, "Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain," not "Nothing lasts forever in the cold November rain."

Everything you thought was certain is a lie, folks.

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