Being God's Girl @kristenlcole - Tumblr Blog

Committed

So I admit to finding myself overwhelmed at this point in my life, some from my own choices and other parts from items out of my control. I was reminded tonight in Judges about the following quote. "God is searching, not for perfect people, but for individuals who are passionate about Him and committed to His call on their lives."

There are times when I look at my life and just want God to whisk me away from the struggles. Of course, I know it is in these moments that I should buckle down and figure out what God is doing right where I am, because chances are, I'm supposed to be part of it.

Tonight I am anxious about many things...my job, my new Master's program, money, being a wife, being a person, and somewhere in there, the thread of a Christ follower needs to be seen by others. I know I can't do it all. People used to tell me that God would never give us more than we can handle, but I don't believe that anymore. I believe God gives us more than we can handle so we learn to rely on Him more. This I believe is one of those opportunities to let go and let God. I'm so thankful for a God who looks at my issues and says, "Pssh! I got this! Let me have those problems. Now get some rest and we'll pick get through it tomorrow. This time, I'll carry the load though. Trust me."

#lessonsfromgideon

A New Year, A New Word

Last year, I decided that instead of making a bunch of resolutions, I was going to pray and get a word from God for the year, and that word would be my focus. I got a phrase instead, "Making New." It was definitely a year of new. I went to India by myself and reconciled with my ex-husband. All of this was God's doing, even when I was reluctant. This year, I was given "Pursue." I don't know exactly what it means, but I want to pursue the Lord.

Tonight, I started a new Bible study, "Gideon" by Priscilla Shirer. She is my favorite devotional author. I found myself so excited to be in God's presence that at times I had to re-read sentences so I could actually understand what was being said. Week One, Day One was about the Israelites getting in their own way which, in turn, kept them from experiencing all God had for them. I thought to myself, "What idiots!" But then a voice inside my head said, "Well, aren't you doing the same thing?"

Guilty. About a year ago, I told God out loud that I would never tell Him "No." About a week later, He replied, "But will you tell me yes?" So, I told God I would never tell Him "No," and I would always tell Him "Yes." This, of course, led me halfway around the world by myself where I cried every day wondering why He led me that far to feel so alone. Looking back, I think part of it was to see if I would really say "Yes." I also think that I wouldn't have gone through getting back together with Dan if I hadn't gone to India. It was preparation because when I got back I told my mom, "I've been to India and back by myself. I can do anything." Little did I know what God would ask of me.

Fast forward to today, and Dan and I have been remarried for a month. HOW GOOD IS MY GOD!?!?! Words cannot express how thankful and incredibly blessed I am to have Dan back in my life and better than ever. The Lord brought Dan back to Himself, his family, and most unexpectedly, me.

I don't want this to be the end of my story though. When I think about the Lord, I can't help but either smile or cry (sometimes both). I can't believe God loves me that much. I want to pursue Him with all my heart, but I don't know exactly how. What gets in my way is my fear of what God is going to ask of me. It was the same a year ago and look what happened. I want to be right where God wants to use me. The only problem is that I have an unsettled feeling in my gut, like change is coming. I'm not opposed to change; I just want to see it coming so I can adjust. Silly, Kristen. I should know by now this is where faith steps in.

So here is the plan. Tomorrow morning, I will wake up (with at least a two-hour delay for school) and the first words out of my mouth will be, "Yes, Lord. Whatever You have planned for me today, yes." These next words are more for me than you as the reader...I don't need to see it to be able to say yes. I just trust that God sees it, and that will have to be enough until He reveals more in His time. So, "Yes, Lord, yes."

#LessonsFromGideon #pursue #alwaysayes

God's Goodness

I am so blown away by God's goodness! The past few months have unfolded many new things for me all at the hands of the Creator. I bought a house to be closer to school and to use as a ministry. It is super cute and just right for me. It is also closer to school which is awesome.

On another front, I had some shocking news at the end of the school year and that was that Dan wanted to get back together. I, of course, was very hesitant at first. I prayed and prayed and we began to spend some time together. We sought out a Christian counselor. As the summer wore on, I saw a different man. A came to know a man who now loved the Lord more openly. He was more active in church. He called to pray with me every night before bed. He brought me flower without me suggesting it to him. :) He also treated me like a princess. He asked for forgiveness and met with both of our families. He cherishes me more as a person, and he supports my dreams. He is a different man.

Now as school has begun, we are back together and better than ever. As I sit back and look at it, I realize I'm looking at an earthly picture of redemption. The prodigal son has returned. One thing that was said to us at our last counseling session was something I'll never forget. Our counselor said to us, upon asking him if we were ready, "Sometimes I meet a couple that I know God has made for each other. I think that of y and Dan." I will cherish those words always because I thought they were true many years ago. I'm so glad didn't give up even when I was ready to move on. I love to listen to Dan's story from the past year and see how God was intertwining our stories even when we had no idea. As one of my good friends keeps saying, "I guess God didn't want you to go to India after all."

#redemption

Perfect words for me on his day during this time of my life #Godisgoos

#godisgoos

Even though I don't know what Your plan is I know You make beauty from these ashes I've seen joy and I've seen pain And on my knees I call Your name Here's my broken hallelujah With nothing left to hold onto I raise these empty hands to You Here's my broken hallelujah.

"Broken Hallelujah" The Afters

#brokenhallelujah #theafters

Leftovers

I went to my women's Bible study tonight. I love my Bible study. The women there have been ordained by God to be there. They are full of encouragement, prayer, and hugs. We are going through the book of Jonah with Priscilla Shirer (one of my faves) and tonight's video hit home with me. This is how it finished:

My siblings and I thought my mom was a master chef when we were younger, which she is, but on Sundays she made a special Sunday dinner. It was a pot roast that had cooked overnight. We loved this meal, and on Monday, I would watch my mom take the leftovers, arrange them in a dish, pour some cream of mushroom soup over it, sprinkle some cheese on it, then put it in the oven. She would wait for it to be finished then serve it to us with a fancy name. We thought it was the greatest meal, but really all it was was leftovers in the hands of the master. Jesus does the same with us. He takes our leftovers, our messes, pours on the Holy Spirit, sprinkles us with mercy and grace, then places us in the over, trials. The adversity is hot and hard, but His eyes are always on us and when He pulls us out, we are done. We are ready to be served to a world that is hungry for Jesus.

I loved this illustration because after my divorce, I feel like leftovers. I feel at times like the dish no one wants. I realize these are just feelings and not necessarily accurate, but it is wonderful to know that my Jesus is willing to take me, the leftovers, and create something wonderful to help a world that is desperate for Him. As frustrating as waiting can be sometimes, I will wait for that, a dish ready to be served to a world hungry and starving for Jesus.

#leftovers

Take Aways

The travel on the way there was nerve-wracking. I almost got picked off by a guy trying to sell me a hotel room in Delhi. The way back was much better. For the trip back, I asked for guardian angels, and God gave me one. As I faced the bus stop, I felt a strong presence behind my left shoulder. I looked and it disappeared. When I turned around, it returned. So, as long as I had faith that God would protect me, I felt His presence. When I doubted and looked, the feeling left.

I still wonder why God wanted me to go. Even though, as I sit here now, I realize, at least at this point, I'm not supposed to go back for a year. I know God has something big planned for me. I don't know what it is or why I needed to go halfway around the world. Sometimes, I wonder if God just wanted me to obey. Maybe. I do think this trip has given me more confidence. A lot of thoughts have come up this week, and my first thought is "Well, I went to India by myself, surely I can do that."

In regards to my future, I don't know. I was driving home today to spend "Easter" with my family since we didn't get to do it last weekend. I thought about what God could possibly have planned for me and realized it doesn't matter. My answer is still "yes" emphatically. So, yes, Lord, yes. Whatever You have planned for me or for the benefit of Your Kingdom, my answer is "Yes."

Thank you to everyone who prayed for me and my family. I know my parents were really relieved to have me home. I would not have been able to make this trip without the love, prayers, encouragement, and support of my family and friends. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

#india #theresnoplacelikehome

March 27-28

These days were holidays. Wednesday was a national holiday and Friday was Good Friday, so they took off the rest of the week. Wednesday, everyone did their own thing, so not much to tell there. On Thursday, we gathered the family and a picnic and left for the place they are going to build a church camp. The scenery is beautiful. I sat and sang songs with the family and just enjoyed God's masterpieces.

Throughout the week, even though I felt alone and at times miserable, I came to love the family I stayed with, which was Pastor Stephen, Chingboi, Kezia, and Lune.

#india

Monday, March 25-26, 2013

These days I spent at school. I woke up every day that I was there before 6am. The sun was up and pouring into my room, so I guess I thought I needed to be up. The other people in the house didn't get up until 7-7:30 so I spent that time in prayer or reading my Bible or another book. I ate breakfast by myself most of the week so I had plenty of time for reflection. I underestimated the power of being alone in a foreign country. I didn't have anyone to share my experience with, well, except Jesus. I didn't understand why God brought me halfway around the world to feel alone. I still don't really know the answer to that question. I ate most of my meals alone and spent my down time alone. I was more of a guest instead of a missionary.

Anyway, school started at 9am and lasted until 2:30pm. The children had seven class periods. The students stayed in one room with all of their anywhere from 50-75 classmates while the teachers moved from room to room. I spent these two days at school visiting grades 5-10. The students didn't open up to me right away and most of my time was spent allowing them to practice their English by asking me questions. I did bring back pen pals for my students. They were so excited, both in India and Indiana. The children were so focused and so so respectful. I did miss this when returning to America. We take education for granted, especially at Lakewood. The students there were excited to go to a Christian school. It costs them about $7 a month to go to school, and out of the 700 students there, about 200 cannot afford the tuition. I am hoping to start a sponsorship program for these students because many of the parents are forced to choose between education or food. I believe this is a choice no one should have to make.

I really enjoyed these two days of getting to spend time with the students. On Tuesday night, I went to the girls' orphanage. I cried at the end when we all prayed out loud to the Lord. Their voices were loud and strong. They know who Jesus is in a way most people will never understand. That is the love I want to share with people, the love of God when no one else seems to want us.

#india

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Today was the first full day in Churachandpur. I went to two church services where they spoke their native language, Simte. I didn't understand one word of what was spoken. I shared my testimony during the morning service. Pastor Stephen's wife, Chingboi, translated for me. I realized that I wanted to share the love that God has lavished on me in the past year with those people, but they had no idea who I was nor the extent of my story. I realized I needed a way to connect with people who didn't know me from Joe. I felt rather lonely because I didn't know how to connect to the people or even where to begin. I was also exhausted so I took that day to try to adjust my body to India time.

#india