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Some Closing Thoughts Part II

Okay, as I pack my bags I keep thinking about other things I wanted to add. See? Too much this semester.

Basically, I am walking away from Copenhagen unbelievably grateful and satisfied. Yes, I did not like my program (far too many Americans and too little immersion), but the experiences I was able to....well, experience?...were well worth it. In a more upbeat list, here's all the reasons why this semester was absolutely incredible.

Lene Munch-Petersen. This is my host mother. I love this woman so much. We quickly bonded and she made my experience what it is. Every night at dinner we would have long conversations discussing Danish politics and culture, and contrast it with the United States. Her articulation of "society" and "community," really made me rethink how I view those. Also, I think she gives the best argument for why the EU must bailout southern countries, at least, much better than any politician currently. She belong to the more leftist party in Denmark. So in American standards, she's a Communist. She laughs when she hears Americans call Obama a Socialist. "Obama, [insert chuckle] he is no Socialist. I, now I am a Socialist."

Figuring out my future. I've discovered that I want to go to graduate school. I must do qualitative field research. The central area I'd want to do research in is looking at how the relationship works between our everyday life values, and the values government policies push. Are they the same? Different? Which dictates the other? I don't want to go for a few years. But I feel really good knowing I'm confident about that decision.

On that note, graduate school in Europe. I don't know why I never thought about that. Duh.

I'm ready to graduate. I love KU. Leaving for a semester was the hardest thing. But this has made my love for KU grow even more, but has also given me the necessary perspective to know that it's time to move on.

On my flight to Europe from the US on August 1st, I wrote down my goals for the semester. I achieved all of them. I've accomplished everything I wanted to. Significant relationships. Better idea of my future. First 4.0 semester (stupid plus/minus). Saw 15 countries. Left with a home I can return to. Felt challenged.

This semester I've learned to turn papers, not into a boring assignment, but a piece of art. I find joy is creating carefully articulated and crafted arguments.

I have the greatest friends back at KU.

My brothers are stupidly funny.

I've told T-Plum this from early on, but my biggest fear for when I return to the US is that people are going to think I've become a lot more arrogant (insert joke about that not being possible). It's not that I've become arrogant since being here, it's just that I've become so much more confident in myself. I know exactly what I'm capable of, I know my belief and value system, and I know how I want to experience life. This gives confidence moving forward that I did not have previously. Before I was just bouncing through life, clueless. While this is still somewhat there, at least that bouncing is more in one direction than not. Because of this, I feel less need to justify myself to people and just do what I want to do, regardless. So if anyone finds that mean, I don't really care =). It's this whole "new Chet."

Before leaving, Mary Klayder told me two things. "You don't need to be president of everything," & "You are not responsible for other people's happiness." Two things I couldn't agree with more.

See, unlike my papers that have a nice flow to them. This is just random stream of consciousness. Buuut it's my blog so it's okay. The basic message is that I'm going back to the US very very happy with my experience. I gained everything I wanted, plus more. (Cheesy line. Sorry not sorry). It just feels as though the order of the universe is currently aligned for me, and it's a great feeling. Check back in after two weeks of being at home and you'll see the craziness come back I'm sure.

But regardless, it's been real Copenhagen. Who knows, perhaps I'll return in 8 months?

Some Closing Thoughts

Okay, so I did not keep my blog up-to-date throughout this experience. I apologize.

So today is Sunday, on Thursday morning (4:30AM to be exact), my host mother and I will head to the airport and where I will be off to Switzerland for a little bit then, ultimately, back to the US. So basically, I have the rest of today, then three more days to experience this country, this family, and this cultural immersion.

(Side note: I've been on my death bed the past two days. It has been awful. Can't stop coughing. Some puking. Always dizzy. Blah. On the plus side, finally starting to lose some of that "study abroad 15" I've been packing on).

So since I don't feel well today, and there's a blizzard outside, I figure I'd spend the day packing and somewhat getting myself prepared for my departure. Then I got distracted with this...

Last week, I had a reception to go to for recipients of the "Intercultural Leadership Award" given out by DIS. The purpose of this award is to recognize students who took the initiative to truly immerse themselves into Danish culture. It was nice to be a platinum recipient, the highest they give out, but I didn't necessarily care about getting that. Maybe I'm becoming too Danish (because Danes don't believe in giving out awards like that), or maybe it's because I no longer feel the need to validate my decisions with an arbitrary title...but I did love the free wine and I love any excuse to get more honor cords. I'm gonna be bling-ed out at graduation...but I digress. At the reception, the director of DIS, a wise man, said a few things that I thought were spot on. First, he said that as we get ready to depart, we will be sad and it's going to hurt. He stressed to us to embrace the sadness because it demonstrates to us that the experience was meaningful. I've heard this before, most likely from Cody Charles, but it was nice to hear it again as a reminder. As I begin my panic attack that will last until I leave, I guess it proves this has been an extremely meaningful experience for me.

What I found to be the most important aspect of his speech, though, was when he addressed studying abroad as a "fantasy land." He said that when students go home from studying abroad, they talk about their semester as though it was detached from reality. A magical place where you could do whatever, say whatever, be whoever, etc., but that it had no connection to their "real life." The director stressed the falseness of this mentality. Studying abroad isn't a break from life, but rather, an important journey through life. He said the key to ensuring that the lessons learned while abroad translate back into our previous lives back in the US is to reflect. Reflect on the meaningful experiences and themes from the semester and think about how we can interweave them into our every day lives. So I've begun that process. Below are some of the key things I will walk away with from Copenhagen, and hope to remember throughout my life.

Quit trying so hard. Everyone just needs to calm da fuck down. People get way too worked up over things. Guess what? That really big deal you're thinking about isn't actually a really big deal. It can be, if you give it that status, but it doesn't need to be.

Just DO whatever it is you want to do. People really need to quit talking about doing things, and just DO things. This is quickly turning into my biggest pet peeve. Even if it means doing it alone, that's fine. There's no excuse for why you can't be doing the things you want to be doing. You can come up with weird freaky logic, but it's wrong.

student involvement. LOL.

Everyone's a hypocrite. It's fine. Life is entirely made up of gray areas where judgement is left to particularities of a circumstance. That's going to create contradictions, so be it.

Uberly competitive people. Disgusting.

Don't validate yourself through external means. This is a big one. People need to quit caring so much what other people think. If you want to do this? Do IT! Think someone will judge? Who cares! Be confident in yourself and your own abilities. You don't need to make people happy to feel validated as a human. You don't need an award to validate yourself as a human. You don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend to validate yourself as a human. Yes, these things are nice. But until you can recognize yourself, first, these things will never work out.

I used to love cheesy expressions and inspirational quotes. I hate them now. Let me explain. Usually when I see someone post a quote, they use it to justify their current actions or thoughts. For example, someone who's trying to overcome a challenge but is stumbling will post a quote directly about their experience. This quote makes them feel warm and fuzzy and gives them reassurance that what they're doing is okay. That's kind of basically totally bullshit. Don't mean to be too negative, but you don't NEED that. You don't need nice sounding words to make you feel like your worthy enough to get something done. Just get it done. Okay? That's why my favorite quote is from Mary Klayder, "It'll be fine." It explains it all. Don't freak out, it'll be fine. You didn't get something? Guess what!? It'll be fine.

Every decision you make is the right decision, in that moment, because you made it.

People need to quit judging other people. Your culture is different. My culture is different. Guess what? It doesn't matter! Live with it. Yes the South is ignorant but New England is rude and pretentious. We've all got problems people.

Life is easier when we quit trying to control everything. Look at Denmark, so much of life is prescribed by the government. And they're the happiest people in the world.

I really hate politics. Intolerant liberals are just as bad as intolerant conservatives. How's you talking shit on Christianity any better than someone using their religion for hate? At least they can "blame it on God", you have no basis for your douchebaggery.

I belong in academia as a field researcher.

In life I have this problem where I love meeting new people and creating new relationships. But then I struggle to maintain all of the relationships I've developed. Yeah, I need to stop doing that. Being away has made me really appreciate my friendships back home and my goal from when I return until graduation is to maximize those relationships.

We ask each other for advice, but no one knows. We all just kinda make shit up along the way.

The idea of home ownership scares me. I want to spend my life exploring the world. We only have one life and one planet, why not see all of it, right?

In Denmark there's a cultural norm that you aren't supposed to think you're better than anyone else. I love it. Imagine if people tried that in the US? We'd laugh at them.

Admitting you're wrong is the best skill someone can learn. I'm wrong all the time. All this stuff I said could be wrong. The beauty is that once you get rid of those inhibitions you're able to truly explore for you'll consider things you once thought improbable.

I realize that a lot of what I wrote sounded quite negative. But let me put it within a more positive frame. The reason why I think people need to calm down and quit stressing, is because we overcomplicate eeeeverything. Also, I truly, strongly believe we are all strong, capable individuals. And more importantly, we are individuals held together through a broader society. Basically, you CAN do it. You WILL get through whatever you are facing. So why freak out? Life is so short. It should be spent being happy and living every minute of it. Don't waste so much time trying to please other people and live through their prisms. This, of course, is coming from one of the biggest people pleasers. But I've learned to quit doing that.

When I get back to the US, there will be another post about the things I've learned this semester. It'll give me some time to let things sort of "sink in," as you will.

I love waking up to a #WinterWonderland. #Snow #Christmas #Denmark #Winter

#christmas #denmark #winter #winterwonderland #snow

We Are Not Individuals

Okay, so this is something I have been thinking about ever since coming to Denmark. It isn't anything profound or "whoa, I never thought that before," because probably much of what I am going to say you're going to think, "well duh." Nevertheless, though, it is something I want to address.

America is the land of individualism. There's a core belief that we, as individuals, dictate the direction of our own lives. That the individual shapes society, society does not shape the individual. With our own hard work and self-determination, we create our success or failure. While this sounds nice, I think it's bullshit.

We are the result of greater systems that are in place. There are many easy examples of this in our everyday lives. For example, when traveling in Germany, I could feel the collective guilt that still exists about the treatment of Jews during the Holocaust. But why should there be? None of the Germans I met actually killed any Jew, they have no reason to feel guilty. But that sentiment is still there. Why? Because we are not individuals. We carry with us the burdens of our culture. We are shaped by our collective past.

Another example. Today in one of my classes we were discussing "Western guilt" toward former colonized countries in Africa. Why should I, someone living in 2012 who has never even been to Africa, feel guilty about something that took place decades ago? As an individual, I have absolutely no connection to this, or reason to feel bad. Yet this exists. It's because I belong to the greater collective.

Being in a foreign country has made me question many of the values and beliefs that I have. Not in a judgmental way, but because Danish people will ask me, "Why do you do this? Why do you believe that?" It forces me to become more self-aware. Through this process I have discovered that many of my "independent" beliefs are actually just the socialized values I have come to accept without much thought. I have come to realize that I am the product of the American system.

The American system has made me weary of "big government," its made me open to diversity and multiculturalism, it made me believe in entrepreneurship and innovation, it made me value religion and recognize a need to rectify the wrong doings of the past. What I thought were "Kris" beliefs, I can see from looking 5,000 miles away that these are inherently American beliefs. I don't have a unique viewpoint, I have a viewpoint that's been shaped by my experience coming from an immigrant family achieving the American dream. And this applies to all of us. We are all shaped by the system we are socialized through.

The reason why we hate the idea of the "collective" in the United States is because it makes us feel less special, less unique. To us, it somehow makes us "lesser than." Also, we like control. We get satisfaction knowing we are the creators of our own fate. Knowing that part of us is in the hands of something else (this greater "society") gives us the hee-bee jee-bees.

If you haven't done so, you definitely need to watch the "You Are Not Special" commencement address. (Because I am not very bright I don't know how to embed it into this post. But here's the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lfxYhtf8o4). But that speech does a better job articulating what I am trying to describe.

Some people may disagree with my opinion, which is perfectly fine. On the basic day-to-day aspects of life, yes, we are self-aware, free thinking individuals who can shape our surroundings. But even that poses a limit.

The ultimate point I want to make is that until we recognize that we are products of a greater system in place, we will fail to change the true reasons for our circumstances. If I think, "I am an individual who can shape society," I am going to get frustrated and give up when I prove to be unsuccessful. But if I recognize the collective power, and the need to address challenges in a systemic fashion, then we will all be able to achieve the objective. In order to do this, though, one must recognize the role government and large institutions play in this process. These bodies are the only thing large enough to compete in a highly complex world.

So I am at the point where I am not being very concise or articulating my thoughts clearly. I still need to ponder them more to make the argument clearer. Writing this was mainly to help me think things through. Throughout the day, though, I increasingly see examples that point out that we are part of something greater. Some may say this is left-wing crazy. But it works on the right as well. Religious individuals believe that many events that take place are outside their control, that it was an act of God. And in order to achieve something, you must work through Him to get it done. So they too recognize that they are not truly independent individuals, but rather, the product of God's greater plan.

The longer I am out of America the more I recognize how this belief system is so quintessential American. We are unique in this regard. I do think it is wrong, though. We are all part of the collective conscience and need to recognize it.

Uh oh. Real Life.

Okay, this past week got me thinking about a lot of things. This week, I had the realization that I am graduating soon and kind of need to figure out what I am doing with my life.

Right now, I am in the process of applying for a Fulbright to Turkey. I would absolutely love to get the chance to live there for a year and experience an Islamic culture. I spent a week in Istanbul two weeks ago, but even then, the city was still "European". The Fulbright will allow for me to experience the culture away from the major city. But, this is a highly competitive scholarship so I doubt I will get it. I won't know for several more months if I got it or not, so in the mean time, I need to come up with an idea as to what to do with my time.

Here are some of the ideas I have kicking around for the next year:

Be a DIS intern. DIS has one year intern positions for all the different academic programs. So I would apply for the Sociology & Volunteering internship position. I absolutely love Copenhagen so it'd be a fun time. It'd also allow for me to travel to all the places I've yet to see this semester.

KU Endowment. I have no desire to work for KU. I want to immediately leave because while I love KU, I need to recognize that the chapter is over. I would work for Endowment, though, because I would love to go into fundraising for non-profits in DC. But in order to do that, you need a couple years of experience. So I could do Endowment for an interim period, then move on to DC.

Teach English in South Korea. I really want to experience a non-Western culture. And South Korea pays well too. Down side? I'll be living in South Korea.

Work for a social good incubator. This semester I've been volunteering at this place that helps projects that create some type of social good get off the ground. It has been wonderful. I'd love to work at an incubator and assist with so many different, interesting projects. It's also a wonderful way to network.

Apply for a job with the state department. I would love to be a foreign service officer. The downside is that Hillary will no longer be in charge =(

Work for a US embassy in some fun country. Yes, doing paperwork in [insert cool country here] would be terrible and I'd want to stab myself in the eye every day. But on the plus side, I get to live in a really cool country for a while.

Consulting firm. I would looooooove to work for an organizational & leadership consulting firm. No idea, though, if I'm qualified.

Kick it for a year in Mexico with my grandparents.

Ideally, though, I won't be in America after I graduate. I want to take a year or so gap then get my PhD in either globalization or international development (within sociology). I'm coming more and more to the conclusion that I want to do graduate school in Europe. It would fulfill so many needs. Intellectual satisfaction. Higher degree for jobs. Live overseas. But until then, though, I have to find something to do. And something that pays. Not well. But enough. This week, though, made me realize that KU is ending and I need to come up with an idea. But before my time is officially done, I am going to spend next semester living life to the fullest. It's the first semester that I will have no involvement. I have no Monday or Friday classes. SO much free time to have fun! It'll be spent enjoying time with the greatest people ever. Applying to things non-stop. And researching grad school programs.

Travel Break #3

Ok, so this past week I had my third, and final, travel break. So I spent it in Dublin, Madrid, and Toledo.

Last week, Kelsey Murrell, Eileen Remley, Josh DeBoer and I met in Dublin for an OA reunion. It was absolutely magical. I haven't seen someone from KU since July, I've been having separation anxiety.

From the very moment we saw each other, until the end, it was non-stop laughter. I've had some good laughs since being in Copenhagen, but I haven't laughed as hard as I did that weekend. You know those laughs that make your abs hurt and leave you winded? And that get the entire restaurant to stop what their doing to stare at you? Yeah, like those laughters.

I loved how we haven't seen each other for months, but we picked up like we saw each other yesterday. The only difference was that we now had way cooler stories to share. (Like my "be confident, be aggressive," story that is entirely way too inappropriate for my blog. Sorry mother).One of my hesitations with studying abroad was being away from my friends for so long. Mary Kayder (goddess of KU) would tell me that it'd be fine and when I got back it would feel like I never left; I can now totally understand what she's saying. Realizing that the separation won't hinder true friendships makes me feel more comfortable with living abroad in the future, but for even longer periods of time. But okay, back to the goods. This weekend/the week I lived with Eileen in Spain was so much fun. Here are the highlights:

Drinking an Irish coffee IN Ireland. SO silly.

River dance. WHY DONT THEY MOVE THEIR UPPER BODIES?! Fun fact: River dance started as a resistance movement. "You can't oppress us! Look at how quickly my feet move!"

I. Love. Trinity College. I want to study there so badly. But they don't have sociology masters or PhD programs. Looks like I have to change interests! Because I definitely want it to happen. It was founded by Queen Elizabeth I, my most absolute favorite monarch in history.

Bangers and Mash. Meat Pies. Fish and Chips. I LOVE UK/Irish food so much.

Irish men are loud, drunk, and hilarious.

After Dublin, I went to Madrid to kick it with Eileen. Here are other highlights:

I went to school with Eileen. Chaos. I don't understand how those children learn a single thing. On the bright side, those little monsters make for the BEST stories. Eileen is full of them.

I love tapas.

I love sangria.

I love churros and chocolate.

The entire country is chaos. There's no order or discipline. I don't know how it functions. Oh wait, it doesn't! That's why they're economy is falling apart.

I like the Spanish Royal Palace more than Versailles. Oh, am I not supposed to say that? #FranceSucks [Insert USA chant]

We went to Toledo, and I absolutely LOVE old city walls.

Spain is dirt cheap.

Eileen cooked me dinner =) It was sweet.

We skyped Bryan, Dakota, and Eric throughout the week. I love those boys so much. I cannot wait to be reunited with them, finally.

Wednesday had one of the largest protests in Madrid history. Socialists, lol.

This week it hit me I am graduating in May. Whoa. Need to somewhat figure life out.

PDA is rampant in Spain.

Seeing Grecos and Goyas and Zuburans was SO incredible. I love art.

Okay, those were some of the things that were going through my head. Also, "omg you're beautiful. you're beautiful. You. You. And you." Except i still think Danes are more beautiful. This was my last travel break before the end of the semester! Crazy. I have only 3 more weeks worth of classes. Then some more traveling, and then finally, home. This semester just flew by!

Okay so I am getting very behind on blogging, I will make up for it this week. But I had to write a paper this week reflecting on my time in Denmark. I thought it would be worth sharing with all of my lovely people. So here it is:

Prior to my departure for Europe, I attended a study abroad orientation at the University of Kansas that prepped me for some of the challenges I will face by living in a foreign country, most obviously, culture shock. Coming into the Danish Institute for Study Abroad (DIS) program, I was mentally prepared for, and fully anticipating, some degree of culture shock. Interestingly, though, I did not feel uncomfortable in my new setting, in fact, I found the transition to my new home in Denmark to be quite easy. While some would see this as a good sign, I became incredibly frustrated by the situation. I am of the belief that personal growth and development come as we face challenges that place us outside our comfort zones; but since I never left that sphere; did it mean I wasn’t going to develop? I was worried that I was missing my opportunity for self-discovery because the ease of my transition allowed for me to passively skate by without having to critically evaluate my situation. After a few days of complaining to friends at home, I realized that talking would not change my situation; if I wanted to have the study abroad experience I had anticipated, then I needed to actually do something to redirect the trajectory of my semester. In essence, it necessitated a degree of leadership in order for my immersion experience to unfold in the manner I hoped for. To remedy the situation I found myself in, I contacted Anders Larsen in the Housing and Student Affairs Office at DIS, hoping he would have advice for how I could become more culturally immersed while in Copenhagen. Anders was able to set up a volunteer experience for me to teach English at a Danish high school just outside Copenhagen, and he also told me about BLUS, an LGBT organization in Copenhagen. In conjunction with that, I contacted one of my instructors, Simon Holmgaard, to see if there was anyway I could volunteer at KPH Projects, a social good incubator where he currently works. I quickly felt empowered after those conversations for I was taking ownership of my experience, rather than my experience being dictated by outside forces. I realized that while DIS is a strong program, due to the high amount of American students in it, cultural immersion wasn’t going to just happen, but instead, it needed to be a conscious effort on my end. These added experiences, along with living with a Danish host family and teaching English at a private, Muslim school, meant that I immediately became immersed in a life increasingly surrounded by Danes and Danish culture; I was finally having the study abroad experience I was hoping for. Once immersed into this “Danish bubble,” I was able to have more engaging conversations in which I could compare the United States to Denmark and truly unravel the Danish system. Coming into this semester, I had a central question: why can Denmark have a welfare system but not the United States? Being a sociology and political science student, I have a strong interest in understanding how societal norms and values translate into policies and institutional frameworks. How do Danes define success? What is their conceptualization of ambition? Who can identify as a “Dane”? And more importantly, do the answers to these questions shape society? Or are these answers dictated by the culture in which these individuals are socialized into? The answers to these questions have been enlightening in many aspects. While some of the responses were expected, conversing with Danes has opened my eyes into how constructing a society is contingent upon so many factors. Furthermore, though, it has demonstrated that some issues are universal, but everything is relative.

The core of what I have discovered is that the welfare system is not a government policy; it is a cultural point of view. The welfare system is not an overgrowth of “big government,” as one would describe in the United States; rather, it is the manifestation of Danish values. Taxes are not looked upon as a necessary evil, but instead, the means of becoming connected to the greater community and doing your civic duty. There’s a stronger mentality that we are “all in this together,” throughout Denmark that does not exist within the United States. Perhaps it is because I volunteered at KPH Projects, a non-profit that serves as an incubator for projects that provide some type of social good, where I get this point of view. I was able to witness first hand how individuals came together to promote culture and the arts; how the government funded this organization for it recognized the need this organization filled. But the strong trust that exists is also the result of a crucial factor: a centuries old, tribal community that is quite homogeneous in nature. This homogeneity makes it easier for Danes to identify with one another and it is easier to understand the struggles of your neighbor when they are similar to struggles you face; this is the basis of the welfare system. Interestingly, though, this foundation creates a paradox in which a tight, homogeneous population struggles to face a globalized community. Through volunteering at a private, Muslim school, I witnessed how the historic tribal community had unintentionally resulted in a society unable to openly accept immigrants or ethnic minorities. When a welfare system is based upon trust, but an “other” appears, does it mean the breakdown of the very foundation the system is built? Or is the system itself a driving force, and it can direct trust onto the population? An interesting question that is important for Denmark as it moves into the future. In essence, what I have discovered through this experience is that behind the surface of everything, lays a vast, complex story waiting to be discovered. This story is full of drama, hygge, tension, happiness, and wonder. And rather than comparing stories as superior or inferior, I have to respect each for their own sake. Simply because it is Danish does not make it good or bad, simply because it is American does not make it good or bad; it is what it is. One is not able to appreciate a new culture through judgmental comparisons, for doing so gives false realities because you are only walking through the “cultural” door with one foot, rather, than jumping in both feet first. Had I simply accepted the state of my experience early on, though, this new world would have been left hidden to me behind the faces of cold Danes trekking down the Stroget. A lack of personal leadership would have resulted in a lack of immersion and a newfound appreciation for cultural variances; the two concepts are necessarily intertwined.