Nothing takes a toll on a person like heroism. In fact, this might be the most theyâve ever resembled each other â the eldest Hawke always looked a little more like those on the Amell side. And while the unhappiness of her mind speaks for itself, thereâs a subtlety to the toll on her body, too. She hides it well â too well â but the Champion is a little thinner, a little paler, a little rougher than she ever was in Kirkwall, much of her light hair faded into colourlessness. To see it all reflected in him concerns her in the ways that an elder sister will probably always be concerned, but itâs hardly a shock, or a surprise.Â
âFor the most part?â she echoes, eyebrow raised and curious. âIâll bet you have a few good stories there. Or⌠really underwhelming stories to remind me that we have completely different standards for people âworking out their differencesâ⌠Or getting along with each other,â
Oh, but she misses it. Kirkwall crushed her shoulders, but there was something beautiful in what sheâd found there. Nights upon nights of drinking, fighting and endless bickering, misfits in a dour city bonded together by⌠something more tangible than fate. He might make her yearn for those days again, but she does want to hear about his stories, for his âbloody messâ, for every part of a life well lived without her. They're the only that the other has left.
Carverâs last two words startle her, though. They pierce through the heart like a fine blade, and she canât hide the startled reaction they cause. Long, uncomfortable moments pass while Hawke retraces her steps, retraces his steps, conjures images of Bethany and mother and father and tries to work out what brought this on. Because sheâs so sure she didnât say the words sheâd been thinking, and this conversation has hardly been about her helping him. Quite the opposite.
Theyâve always been on opposite sides of a chasm â the eldest daughter who bore the familyâs burdens and swore to protect them, and the only son, the soldier between two mage sisters. It was always so easy to understand Bethany, safe in the knowledge that they had each other. And twins are twins, so maybe Carver felt the same about her, just in other ways? What is truly supposed to connect the two with no common ground?Â
But they do have common ground. Itâs easier to see now. Theyâre far more alike than she once thought, stubborn flowers both vying for sunlight in a dark world.Â
She hadnât tried to understand him either â or, when she did she failed. She knew that Carver was jealous, but she never said anything. It was easier to assume that it was all about being seen as the Hawke, while he was always treated like the spare, the second. The only way sheâd ever thought to help was to include him, to keep stringing her brother along, but even that had been its own form of damnation.Â
âWhy?â she asks, with an uncomfortable laugh. And sheâs not really sure whether itâs rhetorical or born of a genuine desire to talk about something painfully honest. âWhat could you possibly have to thank me for?â
And sheâs not trying to tease it out of him. She just doesnât know why.