outcast @ksxig - Tumblr Blog

And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened.

— Douglas Coupland, Life After God

1617

sorry for not responding i just convinced myself you hate me

roughlyangelic

“what am i supposed to do with a mind that hurts me every chance it gets and a body that won’t let me get rid of it? what do i do if one of the few reasons i’m alive is one of the reasons i want to die?”

— from a poem i’ll never write

1st-1

Someone: You need to let out your emotions! It's healthy!

Me on the inside: I have emotions I've repressed for so long I'm not even sure how old I was when I started repressing them. As a result of all of the trauma I've endured from such a young age, which I keep hidden out of shame, my emotions are so extreme, painful, and partially numb due to years of repression, that not only would it be scary to both me and everyone around me to let them out, it would be much more painful and difficult to let them all out than it would be to just keep hiding them away until I can't feel them at all. Besides, because I've been traumatized in so many ways and in so many places I should've been safe, I do not under almost any circumstances feel genuinely safe enough to let out any of my feelings. It's easier for everyone if I just lie and hide away until I eventually go numb.

Me on the outside: :)