“You taught me the courage of stars before you left
How light carries on endlessly, even after death
With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite
How rare and beautiful it is to even exist
I couldn’t help but ask, for you to say it all again
I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen
I’d give anything to hear, you say it one more time
That the universe was made, just to be seen by my eyes”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzNvk80XY9s
This song is almost like a lamentation to me that I connect Erwin with his father.
Erwin always held his own personal ideals and motivations inside him ever since his father passed. Since a child, he always had a curiosity about the world, and with his father being a teacher, he taught him and shared many personal ideas and theories about the history of the Walls, and that made him even more curious to learn the truth that lies outside.
How many hours could they’ve passed together after school, talking and dreaming about these things, how exciting and astounding could all these be for Erwin, hearing his father’s theories, carefully listening to his mentor’s words and creating worlds and dreams in his mind.
Erwin was so excited to share all these with the other kids, but how could an innocent child known what this entails.
“Based on what I knew, my father was killed by the government.
Why did he have to die for nothing more than getting close to the truth?
My father was killed by human greed..
And by the foolishness of his own son..”
Ever since his father passed, Erwin lived with regrets but also with the purpose to justify his father’s death, by finding the answers of the world and prove that his theories are right.
Erwin became a Scout for this reason. He talked with others about these theories on his journey in the Legion, but in time he stopped talking about it, and kept it inside him. Through the years, this purpose became an obsession that changed him a lot, his way of life, way of thinking, abandoning even safety and love, and chose to dive into the Hell outside the Walls, to find these answers he was looking for.
It became a life mission for him.
After he became a Commander, he had soldiers following his orders, with inspiring words to fight for Humanity and offer their hearts for the cause. In time he became more cold hearted, fooling his own self and comrades, stepping into corpses for the path to the truth and he realized that in the end he was fighting for himself and for a dream that he only wanted to see.
Erwin ended up suffering restless in his own thoughts, and was enslaved in his own lost self. Even if he had faithful comrades and friends by his side like Mike, Nile and Levi, still, none of them knew his true struggles, and he rarely opened himself to them.
How melancholic could Erwin be through all these years of searching, how patient could he be in each step he made, in order to move forward and being closer to the answers he long wanted to find,
how lonely could he be in his personal times filled with guilt for the loss of his father, and also how brave and determined he was to fight against a government and folk who were against the Survey Corps for many years, blaming him as a Commander for the death of soldiers who had families of their own awaiting them in their return, fighting against Titans every time he went outside the Walls, without knowing if this could be the last time for him and that he may never return back. All his years were filled with restless agony.
“What will you do when that dream of yours comes true, what will you do next?”
Only Levi could set him Free from the Hell he was living in.
Levi understood that he was suffering, by hearing him talking about his dreams in the Battle of Shiganshina, in the middle of a War, in a life and death situation. Even at that time Erwin would still speak obsessively about his dreams, and in his final moments even then he still was dreaming of something he only wanted to see. In the end it was not a dream, it was torture.
“Everybody had to be drunk on something to keep themselves going. Everyone was a slave to something.”
Levi understood that if he would give the serum to Erwin, he would never rest, he wouldn’t be revived to be given a chance to live again a normal life, he would be dragged again in the Hell he was living in, and with the Power of the Colossal Titan, he would destroy himself and would be restless even more.
At that moment Levi decided that it was time for Erwin to finally rest. Even if it was a very hard choice to make, it was the right one to do, to finally set him free and let him rest in peace.
“You’ve fought well. It’s all thanks to you that we’ve come this far. Give up on your dream and die.”
Erwin had to hear these words from someone.
That he gave his everything, and that he did well.
That he did more than that.
That it is ok not to do something anymore and give up on it.
That he is allowed to rest.
gummygunk
dailybridgerton
stormborns
annaxmalina
turnnoffyourmind
pixelskylines
