Kung Pao Melissa

To live is an adventure cause you never know what is around the bend

[kungpaomelissa]

Baby

My baby girl will be 4 months old tomorrow I am so excited I can't believe that I will have my first real Mother's Day this year so many first

[kungpaomelissa]

Baby

I was having contractions last night went into the hospital was dilated to a one so they sent me home even though my contractions were 3 to 4 minutes apart this baby just wants to have some fun LOL it's not her time yet

[kungpaomelissa]

My baby

Was in the hospital last night they found a cyst on my right ovary they are also scared that I might be having an ectopic pregnancy because I have been in so much pain my biggest fear is losing my baby before I have even got to feel it kick they told me if this is the case I would have to have surgery to remove the baby my heart is grieving I just want everything to be ok I am so scared I am falling apart I keep praying God please don't take my baby let everything be ok people are telling me I have to except gods will no mater what it is will I'm sorry I am not excepting that my baby is not where it should be

[kungpaomelissa]

Stress

Been having chest pain since last night I know I can't take anything for it because I have a child to worry about its just from stress I got blamed by my aunt that it's my fault my mom is in the hospital I know it's not she has never been healthy so why blame me if she would actually take care of herself she would not be in this position and my aunt says that my mom has been complaining about me the entire time to her that I am an ungrateful little bitch and that I cause her grief all the time number one I don't even talk to her that much number 2 she is not innocent either it takes 2 to fight and for my sister we have never got along so what is the big deal now ya she might be blood but she has never been a sister to me and they have never been like a true family should be love, the screw up

[kungpaomelissa]

Family

You are born into it but you don't always have to be apart of it I am so pissed right now I don't even want family any more me and my boyfriend and my step son is enough for me

[kungpaomelissa]

Sad

Today my love left for two weeks to do training at the army base in long beach me and his son were both emotional we did not want to see him leave he reminded me that I have to be strong for the little one but I also meant being strong for him he needed me to stay strong cause he couldn't he as not left his son for this long in a while so it took a lot of strength well good night have to pick up the little one from the baby sitter cause I just got off work

[kungpaomelissa]

Thoughts

I did not celebrate Mother's Day this year people were like no you have a step child u should celebrate it but I felt it would be wrong not that I don't love being a step mom it's that I don't feel like a mom I feel like a nanny who has the child 24/7 I also don't want to take away anything from his real mom yes I am the one who wakes up with him cares for him when he cries and loves on him the sad thing is it makes me jealous I want one of my own so bad not that I don't love him as if he were my own but I want to feel something grow inside me I can hope for miracles right

[kungpaomelissa]

Crazy

Sometimes life throws some curve balls I have had my share of mine I now have a boyfriend and a step son who I adore but I am learning this relationship is not easy sometimes it feels one sided but I keep going I try not to let it get to me but there are still times I feel like I am falling apart

[kungpaomelissa]

Done

I am done with people using religion against me I am an adult I can make my own informed decision yes I have made a lot of screw ups lately but if i was perfect I would never learn I am a good person and I love being bi I am not ashamed and I should not be I have read the bible cover to cover I have not found where this is sin and where ever I choose to live is my business I need to think of me for once I need my job in order to have a life on my own I am tired of being the person who is judged all because other people have a different opinion I am a democrat and dam proud of it I can't wait to change my party I am not going to be the person every one wants I am going to be who I want

[kungpaomelissa]

All I want to do is cry I am so stressed out

[kungpaomelissa]

Here at home resting I want to be out having fun not in pain because of stupid surgery I had yesterday it I will make the best of it I feel like I got hit by a truck but I will be fine hopefully when I see my doctor they can tell me what they found out and I can keep getting better

[kungpaomelissa]

Early

Well worked till 10:00 last night and now I am at work at 6am not enough sleep Lol

[kungpaomelissa]

Life really likes to through some curve balls it really dose

[kungpaomelissa]

But that's OK

[kungpaomelissa]

Hope everyone has a good day I have been thinking of how crazy life can be a few bumps in the road I admit but the one thing I have to remember is no matter what happens I am blessed because a lot of things might go wrong but I know God is in control

[kungpaomelissa]

Feeling

Have you ever been at a point where all these good things are happening but you still deep in your heart not get to excited beCause you are so use to disappointment well that's me I can't trust the good things that are happening right now because I am waiting for everything to fall to pieces and I will have to start all over

[kungpaomelissa]

I have felt sick off and on all week long my lower back has been in a lot of pain my migraines are off and on I feel like food is going to make me sick and on top of all that I am cramping and my whole body just aches but I can't show it I had to be like nothing was wrong all week I think I did a good job at it now the busy schedule is done and I can rest