It’s having the same emotions I had then, the same physical reactions. Heart racing, fast, shallow breathing, searching my confused mind for some reason this happened. Your body and mind can’t forget. It’s like a crime scene you can never escape. You try to pull yourself back to the present and your mind won’t stop racing. “Why can’t my mind and body forget? Why can’t I move on? Why do I keep going back to that unsafe place?” You don’t do it on purpose.
You have to keep talking about it, you have to keep writing about it no matter how painful it is.
Your body hurts, your head hurts. Everything feels scary. Relaxing just seems impossible.
PTSD means anger, arguments, confusion, embarrassment, frustration, and a lot of crying.
You quiver, like a lightning bolt went through you, when you hear a door slam, a phone rings, a train passes, someone yelling, a car honk. Then you get upset at yourself or just angry at the noise in general.
PTSD violates you. It destroys you. It causes you to feel helpless, hopeless, vulnerable, fragile, fearful, angry, guilty, irritable, lonely, nervous. It causes you to have breakdowns, outbursts, and panic attacks. It means being aggressive, hostile, hurting yourself, feeling suicidal. It ruins your relationships. It ruins your life. You can’t get close to anyone, you can’t have a normal relationship. You push everyone away.
PTSD means living alone in your head without being able to explain how you feel to anyone. And if you try to explain, they don’t understand. You aren’t able to move on. It means always being afraid, unable to trust. You have sleep terrors, nightmares, and sleepless nights. You have intrusive flashbacks all the time. Anything can trigger them or nothing may trigger them at all.
It’s so awful to live with, and watching it take over another person’s life is downright terrifying. It’s stressful on you and everyone else around you. Other people don’t know how to talk to you, it’s like walking on eggshells. You feel like such a burden. You don’t want to leave your house, you don’t even want to leave your bed. You’re terrified of the world around you. So terrified and traumatized you’d rather kill yourself than go out and face your fears. You avoid everything - activities, parties, places, even thoughts and feelings. You blame yourself for everything. Every. Little. Thing. You believe it’s your fault it happened to you, you feel so guilty, you feel so ashamed. You can’t stand to live with yourself, you can’t stand to be in your own skin. You’re physically and emotionally numb.
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
vaporwave
janainaart
snowghoul
germansingergirl
jacobvanloon
