Kurt Can't Stop

Kurt Christopher, 21 years old. 25% crazy as a squirrel 25% mean as a snake 25% sweet as sugar The rest of me is basically 90s music, TV trivia, and dick jokes.

[kurtcantstop]

I'M AWAKE!

[jaxdonovan-deactivated20131011]

OH MY GOD, KURT. DON’T EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN. EVER.

[kurtcantstop]

Never again.

[kurtcantstop]

I'M AWAKE!

[rayasinsomnia-blog]

my baby will be raised by Mike Changs and lesbians

- Kurt Christopher (via rayasinsomnia)

[sean-fleet]

I still don't understand why I'm Asian.

[kurtcantstop]

When an Asian man and an Asian woman love each other very much, they have Asian babies.

You really should have learned this in school.

[elliotbryson-blog]

[kurtcantstop]

I just came in my pants. May I take your last name, Randy? It'd be an honor to be Mr. Kurt Butternubs.

[elliotbryson-blog]

Of course you can! I have no doubts that they will love you instantly. It’s kind of hard not to, after all. 

[kurtcantstop]

I just realized I don't even know your name, handsome stranger.

[rayasinsomnia-blog]

Anytime Kurtsie. You just holla if u need me. Now I has gotta go cause I gots me a date wit a hottie named Grey… Goose

[kurtcantstop]

Okay, sweetheart. Have fun. Pour a little out for my boys who aren't here any longer. Holler.

[kurtcantstop]

Oh, no.

[jaxdonovan-deactivated20131011]

I’ll never let go, Kurtopher, never. I’ll be the uncle to your baby. I’ll fuck you like it’s not only our last condom- but like it’s the last condom in the entire world. I’ll fuck you like it was a competition to win free tickets to a Beyonce concert. 

[kurtcantstop]

Free tickets to Beyonce, Shakira, Celine Dion, Wayne Newton, and your mom's shitty piano recital. I promise, Dane. You and me. I will hate you until I spend all your money or I get a good enough lawyer to get a proper alimony claim out of you. I've never felt this way about another man. Such disgust for someone's personality and arousal at the idea of rutting against them until I die. 

Here we go again. I think I want to be more than friends. I think I want to be enemies who fuck. So, baby, why don't we go somewhere only we know? Like that brothel on the outskirts of Vegas where people will pay 5 grand a piece to watch me ride you in a nazi uniform. You can even be the nazi this time.

[elliotbryson-blog]

Don’t worry. My dick is not inordinately short, I can assure you of that. And I will definitely make sure not to go in too deep, you perfect human being.

[kurtcantstop]

Will I ever get to meet your parents? I'd like to see what lovely beings created a flawless creature like yourself.

[elliotbryson-blog]

I think so! Let’s do it. And then the honeymoon.

[kurtcantstop]

You're the most romantic cartoon I've ever met. Just... try not to go in too deep cause we don't want to cause too many soft spots on the baby's head.

....Unless your dick is inordinately short, then we might have to discuss not doing this.

[rayasinsomnia-blog]

Chyeah das rite, u gotta look out for what’s important i just wouldn’t want sum creep as fool beatin’ ya like a spineless half nig, Kurtsie Pooh

[kurtcantstop]

I'm so glad to have such a wonderful, strong, black woman like you in my life, R-Dizzle G-AY. I definitely don't want to be beaten like... that... thing. But as long as my baby's taken care of, you know everything will shine like Crystal and Tiffany's silver.

[kurtcantstop]

Oh, no.

[jaxdonovan-deactivated20131011]

Sex? Sex? SEX? I AGREE TO ALL THE TERMS.

[kurtcantstop]

Fuck me and never let me go, Dane. Be the uncle to my baby and fuck me like we don't do it for a living. Fuck me like it's the first time and the last time and we're on our last condom. Fuck me like, if we do it hard enough and often enough, we could make my baby have a twin. 

[elliotbryson-blog]

And I have never felt this way about another non-animated before.

[kurtcantstop]

Do you think there's any way we might be able to get dressed up, head down to the church and... make this thing official? 

[rayasinsomnia-blog]

Oh so he’s a porn star den. Das kew, das kew ain’t nuthing wrong wit dat, i can respekt dat if he treats u rite and can bring the green where its needed at… y not

[kurtcantstop]

Oh, you know I care less about the respect as long as he got that green, know what I'm saying, Beanie Baby?

[kurtcantstop]

rayasinsomnia replied to your post: rayasinsomnia replied to your photo: I’m thinking...

well is dat nigga in any capacity to pay da bills or is he just sum triflin’ fool wit no plan?

He's a fool with very little plan, but he's a professional in the porn industry and has a mildly attractive ass.

[elliotbryson-blog]

By it, obviously I mean you.

[kurtcantstop]

I have never felt this way about another animated animal before in my entire life, soulmate.

[rayasinsomnia-blog]

BonKrissi. Beautyfull. Shanikwa. Coachella. America. Da’Rella?

[kurtcantstop]

BonKrissi is a gorgeous name that reminds me of the smell of Lemon Pledge and simultaneous orgasms...

But my grandmother was named Coachella, so we'll go with that. Thank you so much for your help, Juicy.