KB

Personal dump of feelings

[kusum-baheti]

Have you ever been in love?

Ah this question makes me numb at first and then I realise, no one really needs to know if I am or I am not in love so I answer, 'no.. ehh.. love is not my cup of tea'.

But the reality is.. yes, I'm in love, I have been in love but who cares? Right! The person whom I have loved the most never really reciprocated and that feeling has always made me lie about if or if not I'm in love.

We always hear/read/talk that, love is the most beautiful thing that can ever happen to you. But the dark reality of love is like roses..thorns with beauty.

[kusum-baheti]

What a day. I feel so irritated from everything. No reason or maybe a reason where people affect me more not because they did something but because of myself I get affected.

Anyways, I feel not so good what to do how to do it really confused about it.. how life goes I never thought that I would have to make career choices. It is difficult when no one is there to guide your mind is just stuck in a way where getting the thoughts out nearly impossible.

These nightmares and headache are results of this only,.. I will never be enough for someone if I will not be enough for me.............. I lost myself in this life, I lost myself

[kusum-baheti]

Papa I lost my will when I lost you.

[kusum-baheti]

Insensitivity.

People are so insensitive as they have the courage to ask what they already know. Anyways people are people.

I want to write about sleepless nights there are endless sleepless nights and still people (family) I am not able to sleep because of this mobile like lol they don't even know me a little. I take phone in my hand so that I don't cry but who cares!

The phone, the sleeplessness was always there to taunt me but no one asked what I do when I barely have friends, lol no! At this point I don't want to talk and scream out loud so loud that's it.

I told one of my real friend only friend that I am having nightmares from past 2 months they are getting worse and all I heard was do not think, you will be fine it is not your mistake. That's it.

No one really cares about what I feel or why I feel they simply think it is my mistake and I should let it go. No one is there in the journey and no one will ever be.

I wish if someone at least asked me what will make you okay or I am there be at your worst. But no who cares. I don't even care about me no one as I lost the will.

[kusum-baheti]

Some feelings don't go away

[kusum-baheti]

Some special place

In life we meet millions of people, we can barely remember most of the people. But we do remember few which have a story (deep rooted) with us.

Some stories ends and become memories and other stories just blossom with each passing day till the actual human end.

Many stories which we live are unique yet important. The question arises here is why unique? Because of the connection between you both. But yeah there's always a but.

You have connection, you have vibes but you don't have name.. you are important but not the most important one. You are there but no fully, you are just laughing, smiling, crying and doing more stuff but there is no name to the relation.

It was always close to tour heart but it ended just like that because you were important but not the most important person they ever had.

[kusum-baheti]

I cry a lot at nights and then sleep from a long time.

No one cares.

[kusum-baheti]

Some times I feel that, this is it. Now I am not going to live more and then it scares me so much.

I don't know I feel so low some times, there are no words which is enough to express myself.

What is life, should I do this or leave this. We can never know how much we can wait, how long we can wait or do certain things which we need to do.

Everything gets messed then I close my eyes and see darkness I know then I have passed the overthinking phase for sure.

I don't think what it will be like when I open my eyes tomorrow, when I close my eyes I experience all the things which I experienced, I saw it's not easy. The mostr crucial phase of my life I have been alone:).

It is easy for people to say just move on we can not change the past but the thing is it's not about break up or some school love. I am here talking about life, acceptance, childhood and everything which sums up this.

But the fact is no one can understand this, why? The reason is simple because people can not relate to a story which they did not lived. It will always be more for them and you will always be adviced to move on.

There will be many who will advice you to forget everything that hurts you but it is tough to find someone who is ready to accept all your pain and slowly help you heal with love and it does not mean they have to be your spouse or bf/gf. If you have that someone you are lucky.

Will write someday more:) I don't feel good.

[kusum-baheti]

I hid under posts, I write when I don't feel good, it breaks me down into million peices. It was always like this the feeling of being non-acceptance made everything worse.

Wish I could just say this to you and close my eyes.

[kusum-baheti]

All I hear is scream of myself saying you are a looser when I wake up, it's hard to fight depression.

[kusum-baheti]

I am obsessed with this person few months ago and a few messages were exchanged but duh, nothing close to even friendship and then I forget about this person.

Suddenly out of the blue this person and all the flashbacks came on front of me as I got ignored again and again, I know we are not even friends but this person is so beautiful I just can't take my eyes off.

[kusum-baheti]

What is love?

Is love dream?

Have you ever fall for someone?

Love is neither a dream nor a reality, it's someone emotions towards you. We this generation want only attention in name of love, there is no patience in love. Then what actually love is?

Love is what makes you feel fallen at first but you keep rising after passing a certain point and if you pass that point(which very few pass) you will rise in love at that level where you will just love them even if they are not around you or talking to you or with someone else, you will keep loving them like a baby loves toys even if they are broken.

प्यार करो लेकिन पाने को चाह मत रखो and stalk bhi mat karo😂.

[quotespile]

“Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that – I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much – so very much to learn.”

— Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[mohabbaat-deactivated20231018]

growing up with desi parents is just like "we gave up this thing so you could have a good education" "look at the neighbour's child, he's in iit, you are equally bright but you are so diverted" "what do you mean you want to go on a trip with your friends? don't you have exams in 4 months?" "yes beta, you can tell us anything, we promise we won't say anything. *holds the thing against you for a lifetime" "what need do you have for privacy? are you doing something bad? boyfriend? girlfriend?" "when we were young we used to walk to our school but you have all the luxuries available. all we ask in return is that you study. but no! you can't even do that" "mental health day? it's called laziness"

[kusum-baheti]

Some days I feel so suicidal, some days I feel so alive,

Some days I cry alot, some days I just smile,

Some days I wanna give up, some days I just write.

[kusum-baheti]

What seems impossible will be possible one day.

[mentalquotes]