Iāve realized a lot of things this past week. to start iāve realized i am no longer changing myself for anyone. this person i am is the person iāve worked so hard to become and if one person doesnāt love me for it i know someone else out there will. moreover iāve been so clouded within my head this last 7 days that iāve struggled to focus. iāve been studying the stars and even studying myself a bit. i was sad thinking im wasting my life i want kids and i want a life that i love to live but i cannot be so desperate for this fictional life that i ignore whatās in front of me. i cannot control every aspect of my life, though i want to. i wish i could fall off the face of the earth; just disappear without a trace as if i were never here. so everyone thatās ever known me could forget me. and everyone thatās ever loved me could erase me without a single feeling. i wish i had the answers to things and i wish i wasnāt so scared to jump
