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@pfatter-university
Check out all the ways to Imagine a Pfatter U:
▪️Instagram: @pfatteruniversity
NEW! Exclusive pics and videos
▪️Twitter: @pfatteru
▪️Patreon:
Freshman Class: access to our extensive library of photos
Senior Class: access to our extensive library of photos and videos
Faculty: access to all content plus monthly personal commission vids
Imagine a Pfatter U!
📸 PFATTER YOU SELFIE APP
We’re pleased to announce the release of some exciting new technology - the Pfatter You selfie app!
As part of their final exam, our students from the Computer Sciences and Entrepreneurship departments teamed up to design exciting new media opportunities, and seniors Trevor and Vince came up with an A+ project! (check them out in the clip above).
How it works: simply take a selfie and watch yourself grow - the highly complex coding does the rest (don’t ask us how!).
Join our Senior Class tier to watch this compilation video for our very photogenic students living out our school motto: “Imagine a Pfatter U!” 😉🐷
The “Pfatter You” Selfie App by Pfatter University on Patreon. Join Pfatter University's community for exclusive content and updates.
CINEMATIC THICKENINGS
Pfatter U is lucky enough to have our newest Professor in Lipidology, Dr. C. Dance, working in our Human Performance lab, making some exciting modifications to our Thickening Machine prototypes.
As he inflates our very willing student test subjects, he’s able to capture the transformation in very cinematic detail. While his salary is costly, we hope to continue to fund Dr. C. Dance’s work and feature it on Pfatter U’s Patreon - like Kevin here, who signed up for 100 extra lbs and ended up for triple what he bargained for!
Join our Senior Class tier to enjoy all two+ minutes of our new professor’s footage! 🐷😉
Cinematic Thickenings by Pfatter University on Patreon. Join Pfatter University's community for exclusive content and updates.
APRIL PFATTER U INSTAGRAM Q&A
Since our last Instagram Q&A was so successful, our social media intern Danny insisted we do another! Once again we received way more questions than we could answer in a day, but we did cover a lot, from our snacking baseball team to various flu strains and even glute growth 🫢
There’s also a new model of jock strap that showed up in all our athletes lockers this season … should we investigate more about it?
Make sure you’re following us on IG (@pfatteruniversity) for future Q&A’s.
Join our Senior Class tier to watch the 2.5 minute video from our Q&A, and access our expansive library of videos, photos, and stories.
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TWO TONS FOR 2,000 FOLLOWERS
Have you heard? 2,000 Pfatter Pfans now follow us on Instagram! Not only are we expanding our reach, but our IT department has been monitoring a different kind of expansion…
It seems any of our students who check our IG page have been spontaneously ballooning to 2,000 lbs! No one seems to know why. We’ve got our smartest Computer Science majors on the case, investigating the cause. For now, though, anyone checking our page better be ready for some extra pounds. If you’re not following us yet, this instant 2,000-lb gain might be a good reason to start 🐷😉
Join our Senior Class tier to watch over two and a half minutes of two-ton expansions!
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📸 PRANKING OUR RIVALS
What can we say? The rivalry between Chisled College and Pfatter University goes back generations - nowadays, it mostly manifests in harmless pranks. What’s a few hundred pounds between old friends?
Our electrical engineering and photography majors teamed up to create a Fattening Flashbulb, which we’ve been sneaking on to Chiseld College’s campus throughout the year as they hold media days for all of their sports. The flashbulb was very effective - let’s just say more than a few uniforms will need to be sewn up - or completely replaced. Do they make XXXXL soccer jerseys?
Join our Senior Class tier to watch the entire two minute long video to see swimmers, lacrosse players, wrestlers - even the head football coach - all succumb to the Fattening Flashbulb!
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🚨 D-Flate Recall! 🚨
What happens if our students get tired of being the Big Man on Campus? What happens if they never wanted to be big in the first place, but were forced into obesity by a science experiment or extra caloric pastry in our dining hall? Or maybe they want to shed a few pounds to avoid embarrassment from a close-minded family when they go home for winter break?
A product hit the market last year called “D-Flate” - a fast-acting weight loss drink that promised slimming results in an instant. Sadly, some of our rotundest scholars decided to try it. At first, it seemed like it worked - the pounds came off fast, returning our biggest boys to their svelte selves, and Pfatter University was feeling a little less hefty.
After only a week on the shelves, however, D-Flate was recalled by the FDA. It turns out the drink had the opposite effect - newly-slimmed customers were rapidly rebounding, skyrocketing past their former weight and doubling in size. Just like that, our students looking for a quick fix were left much much larger than before!
Join our Senior Class to watch the rest of Fed’s story, and see what happened to Jesse and Aaron when their D-Flate journeys backfired!
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📸 Pfatter U IG Q&A 🙋🏻♂️
This week, our social media intern Danny took over our Instagram account and conducted our very first live Q&A. In case you missed it, we posted two minutes of photos, clips, questions, and answers for your enjoyment over on Patreon.
We received so many inquiries from our Pfatter pfans we didn’t have time to answer them all! Make sure you don’t miss our next live Q&A by following us on Instagram at @pfatteruniversity.
Catch this video and dozens of others in our extensive library by joining our Senior Class!
Get more from Pfatter University on Patreon
Our student social media intern took over our Instagram today, and he insisted on doing a Q&A! Ask him your burning Pfatter U questions on IG: @ pfatteruniversity 🐷😉
Pfatter’s RelaXXLing Sauna
When the freezing February temps and whipping winds have our students thinking of summer, they can warm right up in our RelaXXLing Sauna - it’s got all the steam and heat of a hot Spring Break, all conveniently located in our Pfatter Fitness Center.
Our sauna will ease your mind, release muscle tension, and scientifically relax the adipose tissue in your body at a molecular level causing you to rapidly expand, absorbing the steam as you bloat up to unrecognizable proportions. Can other spas do that?
Which setting will you choose - small, medium, or large? Rowan here tried medium and experienced much bigger results than he expected!
Join our Senior Class tier to watch two minutes of our students taking a load off (and adding a load on) in our RelaXXLing Sauna! 😉🐷
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Just like our students, our Instagram following is GROWING!
Follow us @pfatteruniversity for the latest updates and for exclusive, Instagram-only content!
🏋🏻 PFATTER AT THE OLYMPICS ⛷️
We don’t like to brag, but did you know that we’ve had plenty of Olympic hopefuls compete on the world stage and win big?
We’ve put together a highlight reel of some of our most successful Olympians … and some of their less successful, much rounder teammates … who have all gone on to represent Pfatter University at the Summer and Winter Olympics!
Join our Senior Class tier to enjoy the entire two minute+ highlight reel!
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Slimmer T-Shirts: Back in Stock!
Pfatter University’s patented Slimmer T-Shirts are finally back in stock, much to the relief of our rapidly-growing student body.
Trying to hide the Freshman 50 from your fitness-obsessed mom on Parents’ Weekend? Gotta keep that expanding belly in check while you run the 300 meter dash? Or maybe you’re just trying to indulge in our all-you-can eat dining hall without worrying about popping a button or three. Slimmer T-Shirts are the perfect solution to keep those rolls under control.
See how effective our t-shirts are in this infomercial filled with student testimonials, and see just how much they’re able to hide away as they take our product off! Watch all two glorious minutes by joining our Senior Class tier!
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Do you follow Pfatter U on Instagram? 📸
Give us a follow (@pfatteruniversity) to get exclusive access to bonus content like gym buff Trevor’s Bear Flu transformation.
🚨 BEAR FLU IS BACK 🐻
Pfatter U’s best researchers thought they had completely contained the 2025 strain of the Bear Flu, and had even begun work on a vaccination. Their research was interrupted, however, when all faculty and students studying the virus contracted a mutated version. We had to demolish a wall of the lab to roll them all out! And just like that - it’s flu season again at Pfatter University.
Poor Andrei, patient zero of this outbreak, was brushing his teeth when the side effects started. Calvin succumbed to the Bear Flu while delivering some donuts to his friend José recovering from a severe case in quarantine.
The virus is running rampant across our campus (we’ll let you decide if that’s good news or bad news!). Join our Senior Class tier to watch a minute and a half of stories and transformations - even the faculty aren’t safe from the Bear Flu!
Stay safe out there! 😉🐻
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Tales from Phi Alpha Tau: GroBig for Gideon
Gideon had always been more of a gamer than a gym-goer. When he pledged Phi Alpha Tau, he promised his new Big Bro, Chad, he’d bulk up by the end of the semester. That’s when Chad, with a very knowing look in his eye, suggested Gideon try a scoop or two of GroBig in his morning smoothie.
“Do I need to work out after?” Gideon asked.
“Nah,” reassured Chad. “The gains will come either way.” With a wink, he handed Gideon the tub of Mass Gainer and encouraged him to try.
Watch his whole story by joining our Senior Class tier! It’s our first long-form narrative - we hope you’ll enjoy! Comment, repost, and leave us some encouraging words and we’ll release even more Tales from Phi Alpha Tau! 😉🐷
🎄Santa Speedo Con 2025
After a much-needed Winter Break, Pfatter University is back in session!
Before we sent our students home for break, we held our week-long Santa Speedo Con. Our students donned skimpy red swimsuits to show off their heft as they participated in all the Christmas-themed festivities, like the Egg Nog Chug, Polar Plunge, 5k Race, and more! To help our Pfatter Piggies stay warm, our Dining Hall brewed their signature Extra Thick Hot Cocoa - one sip and you’ll end up extra thick. A nice extra layer of fat will keep them all insulated against the harsh New England winter. Just ask Taylor from the video above!
We’ve put all the best footage from Santa Speedo Con into our longest video yet - over two minutes of festive, fattening fun! Join our Senior Class tier to watch, and for access to our extensive archive.
Since we’re in the holiday spirit, here’s some bonus screen shots!
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