A/N: It is finally, finally, FINALLY done. This has been a thought for months, and in the works for weeks. I could never get it quite right, but yay!! I have!! :D I really hope you all love it as much as I do, even though you might hate me (hahaha). Please feel free to leave a comment, a like, anything! I am always open to feedback or…anything really lol.
Warnings: Angst. Cursing. Jealousy out da wazoo, honey.
Word Count: 3,751 (Holy cow)
Summary: It began as all bad things do, right under your nose.
“Hey, Peter! You have to come down to my house today, I have someone here I know you’ll want to meet!” I was extra chipper this morning, as I finally, finally got to meet the people the whole team has been talking about nonstop. King T’Challa, Princess Shuri, and the (more than likely) future queen of Wakanda Nakia had just landed in New York.
T’Challa and Nakia were just about as polite and regal as I was expecting them to be, but his younger sister Shuri was definitely my favorite. We instantly clicked, if for no other reason than the fact that we were the youngest kids there and just wanted a break from hearing about politics and general hysteria.
“I’ll swing by as soon as I can, I’ll be maybe….hmm…” I smiled, knowing that he was checking the watch I got him for his birthday. His curls were probably flopping into his eyes, just begging for someone to push them softly back into place. “Yeah, I’ll be there in like twenty minutes or so. Sound good?”
“That sounds perfect, I’ll see you soon, my handsome man.” I heard Peter scoff on the other end of the line, chuckling before replying.
“Sure thing. I love you, pretty girl.”
Hanging up, I jumped off the couch to find Shuri to show her around before Peter got there. “Shuri, I hope you don’t mind, but I asked my boyfriend Peter to come meet you. He’s an Avenger, so he’s…uh…worthy enough to meet you.” She giggled at that, making my nerves instantly melt away. “He’s really amazing with technology and science just like you, so I’m sure you guys will hit it off.”
Peter and Shuri got along even better than I hoped, which initially made me so happy for him. Now that he was an Avenger, I figured it would help him a lot to adjust by having another friend his age around, especially one like her. She was ridiculously funny, and was able to nerd out with Peter about their inventions and other tech stuff. All in all, I’d be lying if I wasn’t over the moon; I was practically patting myself on the back for being able to help him with this new phase in his life.
Soon enough, though, it felt less like a pat on the back and more like a knife in the chest. Peter came to HQ every weekend, sometimes during the week if he could. The problem was that he wasn’t coming to see me anymore. I didn’t need to see him every day and of course he could have other friends, that wasn’t the issue. After a week or two, he would forget to even say hi to me in my own home. I’d just walk around the halls and hear his laugh, quickly followed by hers.
It progressed into blowing off dates to work on “this really awesome improvement to my suit, do you wanna see?” Or just plain disinterest; “sorry, Y/N, we’re just almost done…”
I just didn’t know what to do. I knew that he still loved me, at least he said he did. Though my jealousy tried to make me think otherwise, I knew in my gut that Shuri was not trying to steal him away or anything. She wanted to be a good friend of his, who wouldn’t? But I couldn’t stop myself; my worst fear was that he would slip away.
It just felt like he already had.
“I can’t compare to her, I’m not nearly as beautiful as she is. Besides, I don’t understand technology the way they do.” I was getting in my head again, laying on my bed just staring at the ceiling. I was my father’s daughter, but I found I had more of a knack for the medical side of things; being with humans and not machines. My dad liked to joke around with me, saying that I must have been swapped at birth. As much as he liked to kid, it was moments like this that made me believe him. I felt useless and out of place in my own home. “I don’t belong with him. I can never give him what she can. God, what am I going to do?”
Another tear slipped out of my eye, sliding down my cheekbone as I sat up, pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes. I sniffled for what must have been the hundredth time, my breaths coming in shallow hitches and spurts instead. The black of my mascara I had worn in case he came (he did) smudged on my fingers, feeling stupid that in hoping he’d complement my eyes like he always did when I wore it (he didn’t).
Of course I tried to make him understand, but he just didn’t get it. He’d explain how he still came over to see me, how much he loved me. He’d kiss my cheek and that would be it. End of conversation. The pain and insecurity in my chest got tighter and more intense every day, until the day.
Peter and I had been improving over the last week, I felt us growing stronger again. Although he was still hanging out with Shuri, it was happening a little less consistently now that everyone was picking up more missions and she was busy with her “incessant royal duties.”
Our two year anniversary was today, and I was practically skipping. Having cleared the date with him over a week ago just in case, we were finally going to go on a proper date for what felt like the first time in ages. Sure, we’d seen each other and spent time alone recently, but this time we decided I’d meet him at his place to properly go out. I made a homemade dinner, one of his favorites, and we were going to bring it to a movie showing in Central Park. Just like we used to.
Walking into the kitchen with my heels clicking and dress swishing, I laughed as Sam jokingly whistled and Bucky slapped the back of his head. “Where are you going dressed like that?”
“Just out with Peter, Sam,” I said, opening the fridge to grab the meal. Frowning, I pushed some leftovers and drinks out of the way, not seeing the meal I prepared. “Sam, did you…have either of you seen the cacciatore that was in here? I don’t see it…” Eyebrows furrowing, I left in search of my dad, knowing he was the next likely person to have eaten it after Bucky and Sam denied it.
On the way to my father’s lab, I almost ran directly into Natasha. “Hey, you,” she smiled sweetly at my outfit. “Looking cute.”
Giggling, I thanked her, asking if she’d seen my dad. “Uh, yeah he’s down in there, like you probably would have—” A crash and abrupt laughing cut her off, and we both peeked down through the glass surrounding the staircase to find its source. What I saw made my heart stop, my throat constricting like a vise.
Peter was looking over Shuri’s shoulder at something, dressed comfortably in a tee and sweats. She was angrily holding up a mangled device that must have caused the crash, and Peter was failing at holding back a chuckle. It was obvious he had been there for awhile, evident by the finger tracks in his hair and the tension in his neck he kept trying to crack and stretch. My father’s main desk was littered with crumpled blue prints and pencils, one of Peter’s favorite songs played from a tablet propped up amongst the mess. The worst part though was the opened container of cacciatore on the desk, Shuri’s and Peter’s respective forks on either side of them.
So not only did I not know he was even here, but he was completely oblivious to the date I had specifically cleared with him days ago. There was no way he was dressed for our date, and he probably thought he lucked out with the cacciatore sitting in the fridge. I was completely frozen in place, unable to look away as my eyes filled to the brim with tears. They slipped down my cheeks in waves, my eyes attempting to blur the ugly truth sitting right in front of me.
I slowly became aware of Natasha saying something to me, tapping my arm. Trying to push the tears down with little success, I faced her. “I, uh, um…I…” stammering repeatedly, I felt myself flush, being so weak in front of someone I so deeply looked up to. Cocking her head to the side and rubbing my arm, I barely heard her expression of concern.
“Peter,” my voice breaking, “He…forgot our date tonight…with her…it’s not the first time, but he told me he could today and and and…” I began walking backwards up the stairs, Natasha following in my wake. Trying to calm myself and failing miserably, I turned. “I’m g-going into t-t-town, I’ll be back tonight.” Choking through another shaky sob, I tried to finish my sentence. “I h-have my phone. I’ll be…safe. I’ll tell dad, don’t…” I hesitated, glancing back to the glass wall, what I saw beyond it flashing in my mind. “Don’t tell Peter where I am,” I whispered.
I practically tripped over myself sprinting away, barely avoiding breaking the heel of my shoe as I twisted around the corner of the hall. Bursting through the front doors of HQ, I threw open the door of one of my dad’s cars. Yelling at the AI to drive into the city, I sunk against the seat and cried in earnest.
My ears were ringing, my throat increasingly sore as I sobbed, my chest already ached from pulling my knees as tightly as possible against it. My hair caught on the tears making their way down my face and neck, clinging until I debated just ripping it out. I felt myself shrinking, collapsing into myself. My dress scratched against my skin, the heels cutting blisters at my ankles and toes. My senses were going absolutely haywire, unable to process anything while bringing in so much at the same time.
My head was screaming at me while the car drove farther and farther from the compound, incessant and volatile, pounding against my skull.
“get out get out get out go away can’t breathe can’t breathe”
But worst of all, amongst all the cries, the clawing, and the chaos, I heard a whisper. From deep down in my heart, at the center of it all.
Unsuccessfully cracking my neck for the third time, I fiddled with my pencil, tapping it against the desk.
“Peter, I swear if you start with that again I’m breaking your hand.” Shuri threw her fork at me, and I smirked when I caught it with ease.
“Sorry, whenever I get frustrated I always fidget.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” rolling her eyes, she turned her attention back to her screen. “Hey, I’m filing this report on our progress, and I’m almost done. What’s the time and date? I don’t have a watch on me and I barely remember what month it is. I’ve been stuck down here with you forever.”
“Ha ha, real funny,” she flipped me off in response, and I chuckled; the action reminding me of Y/N. “Uh, hold on, lemme see.” Looking down at the face of my watch, I read the date out. “Um…August 16th, 7:45 on the dot.”
“Wait a minute.” I racked my brain, feeling something poking at me in the back of my mind. My eyes widened as I realized what was bothering me.
“Shit.” I stood up so quickly the chair fell over, making Shuri jump.
“’Ah, fuck, I can’t believe you’ve done this,’” Shuri quoted, referring to the fact that I messed up her typing in the correct information.
“Shit, shit, shit, SHIT. God, oh my god I’m so dead, Jesus I’m the WORST, I–” Looking to Shuri’s confused face, I just shook my head. “I totally forgot about my date with Y/N–GOD. I’m sorry, I need to go now.” Pulling at my hair, I shoved my notebooks into my backpack haphazardly, running out of the lab with my phone already dialing her number.
“Come one, c’mon. Baby, please,” groaning in frustration, I texted Y/N again after my call reached voicemail…again. “Y/N, answer your phone!” This time, my call got cut off, so I knew she saw my call. Nerves fluttered in my stomach, my fingers were shaking and I could feel my heart beating its way out of my chest.
I ran around the compound, looking in all of her normal hiding spots and favorite corners. Desperate that she’d be in at least one—but finding nothing. Zip. Nada. I asked anyone and everyone if they’d seen her, or where she went. Wanda, Sam, Bucky, Steve, even Vision. No one had seen her in hours.
I’d never messed up this badly, and I felt awful. Thinking of how I was supposed to justify myself, I kept my eyes trained on the floor so the tears that were threatening to fall wouldn’t be seen by anyone else.
By a stroke of much deserved karma, I bumped right into Natasha. Backing up immediately, I choked on my words getting them out. “Ms. Black Widow ma’am haveyouseenY/NIjustmessedupsobadlyandIcantfindherandand–” She held up a hand, stopping me in my ramble.
Taking a deep breath, I repeated myself. “Have you seen Y/N? I’ve been looking everywh–” another hand up to stop me.
“I meant stop, Peter. She obviously doesn’t want to see you right now.” Her eyes held more of a steel than normal, realization flooding my brain.
“No. That’s not how this works.”
“Ms. Romanoff, I need to see her. Please.”
She shrugged, as if there was nothing else to say. She began walking by me, and I grabbed her arm. Whipping around with death in her eyes, I snatched my arm back, putting it behind me in an attempt to keep it. “Please, I hate this silent treatment, I have to talk to her. I need to fix this.”
Her eyes narrowed, staring me down. She was looking through me, as if deciding whether or not to reply. Exhaling through her nose, she relaxed and took my wrist, silently asking me to sit on a nearby chair.
“Peter, why do you think she’s ignoring you? Why she’s hiding?” She sat across from me, her chin in her hand.
Shoulders tilting inwards, my voice small, “Because…I forgot about our date tonight.” I threaded my fingers in my hair, groaning. “I know that was awful, that’s why I want to fix it. She’s never ignored me before though, even when she’s upset. That’s what’s bothering me the most.” Looking at the woman in front of me, I saw pity fill her eyes.
“Well, based on what she told me earlier, this is not the first time you’ve done this. You’ve been choosing that princess over her—apparently for awhile now, whether you realize it or not. From the way she was talking about it, it seems like she’s brought it up before. Has she?“
I thought back, and the memories flooded my brain, guilt racing back with them. "Maybe…maybe once or twice.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head at that, mumbling something about oblivious men.
“Sounds to me like she had exhausted all of her options.” Opening my mouth to respond, she cut me off. “Peter, sometimes…” she sighed and looked around, as if debating what to say to me. “Peter, I’m a spy. It’s my job to track people down and understand why they’re running–what happened? What did they do? Who are they running from?”
I nodded, not knowing exactly where this was going.
Lifting her eyes, she stared right into mine. “ And Peter, one thing I’ve learned is that sometimes people run…just to see if you’ll follow.”
After an essential amount of moping around the city, my shaky feet walked me up to the small building near the back of the compound. My heels were long discarded, the straps dangling the heavy shoes from my fingertips. I scanned my hand on the transparent panel next to the door, sliding it open and breathing in the smell of mulled cider and warm blankets. Sighing, I dropped my heels half-heartedly in the shoe basket, and collapsed onto the couch.
Dad built the cabin after Pepper (finally) moved in, making a little place for his two girls. “Just a spot for you two to blow off steam when I annoy you too much. I have my lab, now you two have this.” Quaint and quirky, the lodge-like structure held a rustic chic vibe that Pepper and I both adored. A breath of fresh air from the perpetual glass and steel of my dad’s buildings, I always found comfort here. I’ve come here after a bad test, when I felt nervous about one of Dad’s missions, and…well, now this. Finally realizing that my boyfriend of two years no longer loved or cared about me anymore.
If I can’t have him, I thought, at least I can eat ice cream and listen to sad music in peace. Taking off my dress, I opened my pajama drawer in the tiny bedroom. My heart clenched seeing the first clean pair, an old pair of sweats and one of Peter’s old sweatshirts with a pun on the front. Jesus Christ, I cannot catch a break today, can I?
Almost immediately after I changed, there was a knock on the door. Jumping, I peered around the edge of the wall. Hoping to catch a glimpse of whoever was intruding on my space. Everyone knows not to come here if the light’s on, my brow furrowed. That’s literally the whole point of the cabin even existing.
Creeping up, I looked through the peephole, stepping back in a flash. It was Peter. Of course it was.
“Y/N? Y/N, baby, please open the door. I know you’re there, I heard you walking up.” Leaning on the back of the door, my mind was going a million miles a minute. I didn’t want to see him, did I? Of course I wanted to fix this, but I wasn’t sure what he could say right now to make me feel better. Against the pettiness urging me to just walk away, I pulled it open to a pathetic looking Peter.
Shoulders small and weighted down with defeat, I would have run to him if it wasn’t all his fault. “What are you doing here? I don’t want to see you right now,” I practically spit at him.
“…I-I-I what, Peter? What could you possibly want to say to me right now?”
Flinching at the steel in my words, he raked his fingers through his increasingly greasy hair. Peter swallowed thickly, trying to push past his tears. As he stammered in an attempt at a response, it made it difficult to hold my own tears at bay.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, so softly I barely heard him.
“Sorry doesn’t cut it, Parker,” venom laced my words. “Sorry is what you say when you bump into someone walking the other direction. Sorry is what you say when you chew potato chips too loudly. Sorry is what you say when your friend’s grandmother dies. Sorry is what you tell people when you have nothing better to say.”
Peter slumped even further, but all of my anger was finally replacing the sadness. All at once, every ounce of heartache was turning into rage. “I would not be this angry if it was just one time Peter. This isn’t like I’m some girl who doesn’t know your secret and you flake out because of it. I know who you are, I am aware of what you’re doing. And what you’re doing, Parker, is neglecting me.” My voice continually got louder and louder, until I my throat ran raw. “You’ve blown me off for nearly three weeks! THREE. WEEKS. For nearly a goddamn month, I’ve watched you fall in love with a beautiful, genius princess in my own fucking house. I ask you where you are to no avail, and I just hear you laughing with her down the hall. I clear a date with you, our fucking anniversary with you, just to make sure you’re not busy. Like it was a goddamn appointment. I got everything ready, and what do I see? You, obviously fucking comfortable, smiling over her shoulder and sharing the meal I spent hours making. THAT’S what you’ve been doing, Peter.”
Every word, every accusation hit him like stones. He flinched every time my voice rose, he even took a step back. When I had finally finished, he hesitated to even meet my eyes. My anger had finally fizzled out, and my words felt weak and dry. “I…I can’t give you what she does, and it’s obvious that’s what you’ve been wanting. I’m not…Peter, I don’t want to be your chore. I am no one’s second choice.”
“You were never my second choice, Y/N. Ever.” Peter sounded as feeble as he looked, frail and uncertain.
“I haven’t felt like your first in a long time. Too long.” His eyes filled with a new wave of tears. I looked away, down at my bare feet. They were becoming damp from the night dew, and I realized how cold I was. Cold and alone. The space between us was gaping and real, and I was tired of grasping at the tethers.
“I love you, Y/N. I do. So much. So, so fucking much. I’m sorr–” He caught himself, taking a step forward. “How can I fix this?”
Opening my mouth, I got cut off by a loud vibration. Peter snatched his phone out of his pocket in an attempt to silence it. His trembling hands though, dropped it onto the ground in front of me. By some cruel joke, it landed face up, so I could see Shuri’s name backlit by a funny picture he had obviously taken.
It was a sign, it was enough. I’ve had enough.
“Ah, Her Highness calls. It’d be rude to keep her waiting.”
“It’s fine, Peter. I know you’d rather be with her anyways, you’ve made that perfectly clear.” I stepped away, that void growing with every inch. “Tell Shuri I said hi,” I cried, voice breaking on the final word. Gathering every ounce of courage I had, I glared right into the eyes I loved so deeply.
And slammed the door in his face.
annaxmalina
dededos
stormborns
