My Beloved Annie-My Recognized
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A soulmate is not found A soulmate is recognized ~Vironika Tugaliva~
My dearest Irish lass. Your hair black like the color of deep space. Your eyes awash with the fires of creation. My heart and soul lies bared and tormented before your loving gaze. Torn am I as to whether I should speak of my absence. I never wanted to cause you any pain or unrelenting sorrow. For years the emotions have tossed and turned within me. I remember your sister and her sorrow of having the man she loved die before they were wed. Such pain and grief she suffered. I had hoped to spare you of such a thing.
I thought it a better thing to not speak to you again, or communicate in any way, to make you think I did not care about you. That pain would have been preferable to the truth and the torture that your soul would be forced to recognize. How could I cause you such pain. Then I remembered what your sister once told me. “She’s a big girl now, she can take it.”
How many sleepless nights have I experienced, your beauty standing before me, praising me for my thoughtful good deeds, admonishing me at the times when I had fallen from grace. Always are you in my mind. I see you in my waking hours as I move through the day. At night you are there in my dreams as the guardian of my existence.
The years have not been kind to me. While I sink into poverty, this old primate’s flesh, disease ridden, slowly withers away, the pain sometimes unbearable. The doorway to ending approaches. All that is left is the truth. It is the right thing to do.
The cold winds of mortality wash over me. I can taste their bitterness upon my soul. My cries lie unheard over the cackling laughter of their dark and ominous songs. Soon, soon enough my ashes will lie scattered upon the forests and plains of the ancestral lands I call home that lie to the north, and in times past, surrounding the place where now I sit. We were warriors with the great pride of a noble people. Our hair, long, dark and unbounded, flowed unfurled in the wind. The sky of the bluest blue surrounded us. Grasses of a rich green glistening with dew of the early morning, singing their song of communion, unfolding beneath our feet. The earth was ours to harvest, it’s bounty that the spirit gods had so generously bequeathed on us. Caretakers we were of such a sacred land. Now the darkness has befallen us and sapped us of our will. Can you hear my songs of sorrow wafting on the breeze?
Through how many lifetimes have I pursued your favor across the millenniums of time? So many, seeking Only You to once again feel your soft and gentle touch upon my fevered brow and the countenance of your favor that flows from your eyes. There have been times when I have felt so unworthy of even your passing acknowledgement of my existence. My blood flows cold as ice in their ancient tunnels. Their walls thick and built up with the detritus of a life amongst the ruins of Love Lost, becoming narrower and narrower. Long it will not be until those passages are filled and blocked and the waters of life pool and stagnate.
I come now seeking forgiveness for a life too filled with darkness. Lost have I, in this incarnation, that which I hold most dear. So I sing to you this song my Recognized, in the hope of your understanding. Remember me beloved at those times when you sit alone in the night’s quiet solitude. Hear my song as the stars shine like diamonds against the velvet sky. I am there beside you in those times when your heart is heavy with life’s tribulations. My hand gently holding yours wiping away your heavily laden tears as the mists rise before your eyes. My arms enfolding you bringing you peace. I am with you always, even beyond this temporal existence. Know that again I will enter the flesh of this world seeking you, to hold you once again against me, to be filled with you, to know paradise in your arms. Until then, until then, until then……………………….
~L.S. Sunheart~