1. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear and I fed on them like I had been starving for weeks. I thought I had control but it was obvious who was the one in control when I spent hours on my bedroom floor, praying to any gods out there that could have saved me from myself. The stunning girl with perfect grades and sparkling eyes got his affection and I contemplated slicing my pupils open with little tiny needles and maybe then seeing him with her would hurt a lot less.
2. My face was covered in red marks from the bites he would playfully give me and his hand around my neck would leave me breathless, but what really took my breath away was when he told me because of the smoke that entered my lungs and my craving for whats bad for me wasnât good for him. I swear I could have smoked a life time worth of Newports in the amount of time it took me to get his face out of my mind.
3. Poetry never sounded so put-together and lovely until I read his, and his beautiful mind was the only thing I fed on for months when eating wasnât as appealing as kissing his lips. Getting high and listening to him rant on about life while we should have been at school was all the education I needed, and I could feel my mind expanding as I fed off his. He met my father and left the very next day and I wondered just how smart I had become when I couldnât think of anything besides the little brown mark in his left eye and the way his hands felt running down my back. The things I learned from him faded along with my sanity.
4. While my thoughts were clouded with a plant he took my virginity on the top bunk of a friends bunk bed while a movie played in the background and I can still feel a piece of myself missing when he made love to my best friend two days later. I could feel myself crumbling into a thousand pieces each time I saw him kiss her afterwards. The only thing repeating in my mind wasnât the words from the movie in the background, but the exhausted âI love youâ he grunted into my ear that one Friday. To this day Iâve convinced myself that maybe it was the drugs that tore me apart, not the way he held my only friend in front of me like it was nothing.
5. I ran from the law and my life to spend what I thought would be forever with him. Waking up to his face and falling asleep next to him was the only good thing I had experienced in months, next to hearing him say he would leave with me because he would rather be with me than see me run away by myself. I hadnât ever made love but oh boy, did I with him. He promised he would leave with me but as I was on my way home after what seemed to be the longest run of my life, I knew he wouldâve never left. The only thing that left with me was eighteen bruises and eleven hickeys and I played connect the dots all the way home.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
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