♡ 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 ♡

Not pr0 just struggling! :/ Please always be kind to yourself! DM’s are open for anyone that needs to rant. :)

[l0v3lyb0n3sxx]

Introduction!

So I just realized I never actually introduced myself after seeing some of my mutuals do it-

Oops

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About me:

So I’m 20 years old and I’ve had an €d since around late 2020 so I was around 14-15 years old at the time

I haven’t been diagnosed (and hope not to since I already have a slew of other mental disorders/ general mental health issues that make it very hard to get decent health insurance)

Im 5’3 and at my highest weight I was 182lbs and my lowest 119lbs. My cw is 163lbs so HUGE jump up… just back on my fat ass stuff yk yk

I’m hoping now that I’m not in so many sports and have left a very abusive relationship in which I started stress eating (I did 2 at the time this started btw forgot to mention that) that maybe I’ll be able to hit my ugw of 104lbs. Lower would be amazing however I do know I have limitations and also need to stay above a certain weight as to not cause suspicion while at my excessive amount of dr’s appointments-

Going off of that since Idrk what to say, I was always very athletic. I did ballet (as well as other styles of dance) for around ten years in total and martial arts for six years.

I now only participate in martial arts since I aged out of the dance studio I was going to.

I have SLE/systemic lupus and orthostatic hypotension and I’m ngl that’s made navigating my €d very difficult.

My favorite color is green?Uhhhhh idk what else to say I’m sorry :(

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About my account:

My account isn’t meant to be pr0 anything tbh, I’m just using this as a place to vent/ share other posts I can relate to and hopefully be a safe space for others if need be.

I may eventually post b0dychks with my food diaries and I really want to but idk if I actually will since I have some tattoos that would be easy to identify if someone I know were to find this account. I’d rather be as anonymous as possible-

I hope this makes sense and isn’t just a whole bunch of nonsense rambling 🙏

[l0v3lyb0n3sxx]

I genuinely wish we could use the real words for serious things and not get banned from social media platforms.

I’m sorry but “grape” “sa” “dv” “pew pew” or whatever the fuck else minimizes the situation.

Ik it’s not €d related but it pisses me off sm that I had to say it somewhere

(€d is another one I wish we could use the actual word for as well.)

[stayswagallday2]

[l0v3lyb0n3sxx]

Food diaryyyyy

Had to up my intake today bc yk suspicion

Alani (15 cals)

Ate about half a breakfast sandwich (estimated to be like 365, could be more could be less)

And frozen yogurt, I genuinely have no idea how to track that tho :(

I feel very anxious now :(

[saudadebunny]

[sugarautumn7]

That's lonely girl hood

[l0v3lyb0n3sxx]

Liking someone romantically and being as fat as I am is genuinely so embarrassing

Like why tf would he actually like me back? I’m disgusting and feel like a nasty sewage creature pining after a human

I just want to be worth loving but Ik I’m not :(

And it surpasses just weight tbh

I frequently $h, isolate myself, and I’m chronically ill with disorders I’ll never fully get rid of. why would he ever want to deal with me? I feel so selfish for even considering it.

I kinda hope I run him off before I get too attached-

Obv not bc I don’t like him but bc I’m just…me yk?

[staticmourning]

I never wanna eat ever again.

[l0v3lyb0n3sxx]

F o o d d i a r y

Still remembering-

Kk I had:

2 diet mt dew (0 cals)

1 alani (15 cals)

And some lays poppable’s thingys (140 cals)

155 cals in total for today. :)

Didn’t add this in yesterday’s but I also had some poppables very late last night to (hopefully) get my sodium up along with some electrolytes. :)

Makes sense as to why I didn’t feel good bc I haven’t really been watching my sodium levels like I’m supposed to, I am definitely going to try to monitor it better to have less calorie intake

That’s honestly been my biggest issue recently, I’ve had an €d for a long time but as of recently I’ve put on weight from my calories being higher and my exercise lower bc I’m a lil bitch and don’t want to work out while being in a flare up-

I genuinely don’t feel like myself anymore and it makes me sad :(

[deerprincess23]

“we’re going out to eat!”

[l0v3lyb0n3sxx]

Food diary!

We’ll see how long i remember to do this lol

2 alani’s (30 cals)

And a zero sugar 7brew energy drink thing (I’m guessing around 90 cals but it’s hard to tell since I was unable to find the total on their menu)

120 cals in total tho :)

Literally all caffeine (this will be a common theme ❤️)

[ricecakes-and-jello]

“when can i see you” when im at my ugw ❤️

[l0v3lyb0n3sxx]

Only good thing about being chronically ill is that I can use it as an excuse for my £d 🫶

[ta-millieure-amie]

I actually hate everyone who let me get f@t

[l0v3lyb0n3sxx]

I might start keeping a food diary on here but idk bc I’m likely to forget-

Anyways

I ate:

Exactly 4 lo mein noodles (like individual noodles which is supposedly at most 4 cals but idk)

And an alani (15 cals)

Idk how to make this polished sooooooo…

[l0v3lyb0n3sxx]

I’m genuinely so glad tumblr is still a thing, I always come here when I want to binge :,)

[cantlarp]

being woke af and having ed is terrible cause why am i promoting women weakness but then i remember that im fat

#guilty

[l0v3lyb0n3sxx]

Idk about anyone else but I think I’ve had to be “strong” for so long that the thought of getting to be “weak” is actually becoming appealing.

I just wanna feel safe bro wtf

[bonedbatwingz]

just imagine....

your clothes are gonna feel so much better when your body isn't stretching them out <3