La Debrouillarde

Celle quit sait se débrouiller

[ladebrouillarde]

4. Smiling at men on the street When you’re walking down the street thinking about the day ahead of you or your problems with your roommate and a guy you hadn’t noticed before tells you you’re too pretty not to be smiling—it’s not your job to acquiesce. As hard as it may be for this guy to see a woman who isn’t thrilled to be in his presence, your only job in this situation is to walk down the street however you damn well please.

via Thought Catalog

[ladebrouillarde]

I'd make a great manager

If I were the boss, I'd fire people for being awkward. It contributes to an uncomfortable, unproductive work environment. It erodes morale.

Every time someone has to stop what they're doing to listen to your nonsense and/or roll their eyes at you, that's time lost.

You're fired!

[ladebrouillarde]

Oh shit. #fireworks #summer #virginia #boom #bigbadaboom #nosmoking (at Bradlick Shopping Center)

[ladebrouillarde]

“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”

Maya Angelou

[ladebrouillarde]

For so much of our romantic life, we are not treated with respect. We are called at from the street, we are looked at in ways that feel almost physically aggressive, we are pushed to go farther in bed than we ever intended. If we don’t bend to these things, we are called names and rejected and told that it was our fault.

"What Most Girls Want in a Boyfriend," via Thought Catalog

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If I have something good in front of me -- it doesn't matter if it's a person or a pair of shoes -- I'm not going to test something else. It's insecure, and it's immature."

Zoe Saldana

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Spinnin' like girl in a brand new dress

We had this big, wide city all to ourselves

We blocked the noise with the sound of "I need you"

And for the first time, I had somethin' to lose

  And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story's got dust on every page

But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd

  Cuz darlin', it was good, never looking down

And right there where we stood was holy ground

[ladebrouillarde]

If we could take the same urgency, enthusiasm and clarity of vision you need to get elected to government and apply those to governing, can we fix some problems? Yes we motha fuckin' can.

Jon Stewart - America's Heroes Return: Operation Enduring Wait

[ladebrouillarde]

When my class complains about proper grammar, I want @ladebrouillarde to be a guest speaker. And give all the male students something to respect and all the female students something to emulate.

The Nicest Thing Anyone Has Ever Said About Me, by Christopher Daniel Howard

[ladebrouillarde]

Fuck you, Time magazine. Every generation thinks it's all about them. By the way, thanks for all of the economic and geopolitical disasters, Baby Boomers.

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Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.” Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

via A Daddy's Letter to His Little Girl (About Her Future Husband)

[ladebrouillarde]

One intrepid journalist joins a sugar-daddy dating site

So I'm just going to go for it and postulate that probably 90% of men -- whether they know it or not, and most often they're not self-aware enough to realize -- are only looking for A) A soft, warm sex doll, and/or B) An emotional slave.

Let me clarify. We're all familiar with the guy who's just out to get laid. And also his cousin, the guy who makes a flimsy commitment because he wants to get laid regularly and he wants to be the only one doing the laying.

The other breed I speak of is the kind of guy who wants a sidekick. Someone who does what he wants to do, goes along with everything he says, and listens to all of his emotional crap.

Because yes, men are filled with emotional crap, and for whatever reason they rarely express it to anyone except the person they're dating. However, these men often lack the emotional aptitude to deal with anyone else's crap, and so it becomes an arrangement where she is constantly soothing him while simultaneously soothing herself because he's incapable or uninterested.

Slavery, essentially. I know. Women use men, and often. And most of the time people use each other. But this is for the purposes of a "compensated relationship," as Helen Croyden calls it.

(As an aside, I've never once seen a woman I know string a guy along, use him for superficial reasons, or otherwise toy with his emotions, but I've seen it done to them plenty of times)

So if in 90% of entanglements a woman is just being used for a man's sexual and/or emotional gratification, why not get something, anything out of it?

Why not put your cards on the table and say, "Look. I want to see you every couple of weeks and live my life in the interim. I'm not going to tell you I love you or buy you an engagement ring, but I will pay your rent."

Seems fair to me. I don't think I'm quite that jaded yet and honestly, men with money make me nervous, but I can't knock anyone who chooses that path.

It's honest. That's more than can be said for probably 95% of relationships.

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Oh, there's my heart. Right where I left it. #sanfrancisco (at AT&T Park)

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If there are any obligations in your life that you continue to uphold, even though you aren’t particularly excited about them anymore, consider just dropping them.

The Hidden Cost of Commitment, by David Cain

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Once a man whore, always a man whore?

There's this very popular narrative wherein a young man sows his wild oats from maybe high school through his early 30s, but then he meets the one and settles down and it's all locked up.

What's less talked about but just as commonly known is that many of these men never actually get that slutty urge out of their systems, if they're even faithful at all to their partners to begin with.

Maybe they keep it together for five, 10, 15 years, but at some point, a lot of those men crack. You can only keep up that charade for so long.

I don't want to be judgmental, because I know a lot of marriages cool off and basic needs fail to be met, but I'm not talking about sexless, multi-decade marriages here.

I'm talking about the men who convince themselves that they've found the one, maybe keep it in their marriage for a couple years, but eventually start to stray just the same.

What I'm saying is, men who sleep around: do they really grow out of it?

You're perfectly faithful in relationships, but you're bed hopping in between? Can they really turn it on and off like that?

When you're passing your dick out like candy, is it ever really different from one woman to another?

Can you really be one person in a relationship and a totally different one when you're single? I feel like one of those personalities must be an act, and it's probably not the one you have when you're free of any sort of constraints.

I know that people evolve and you can't judge someone by their sexual past, but you also can't be naive enough to think you're the person who turned it all around.

So. Assuming you're privy to this information, do you turn away the guys with a tendency to screw anything in their path when there's nothing better to do? Or, do you just chalk it up to idle testicles?

I tend to feel like someone's true nature comes out when there are no rules. If you're down to bang anyone who'll have you when no one else is holding you accountable, what difference does being in a relationship really make?

There have got to be men out there who can come up with something other than humping to keep themselves entertained. Right?

[ladebrouillarde]

All of the reasons my life is great right now

I'm not gonna lie. 2013 has been a pretty rough year so far. I've experienced a sort of despair that permeates every minute of every day, a kind I didn't even know I was capable of feeling.

But I'm coming through the other side. The loose ends are tying up. After four months of everyone around me trying to remind me that all isn't lost, I'm actually starting to believe it. Not only that, but I'm starting to believe that I'll be able to replace what was lost, as well.

So naturally, I feel like I need to write down all of the good things, if only so I have a master list I can refer back to when I start to feel a little sketchy.

Herewith, in no particular order, everything I have to be excited about:

1. It's baseball season. Enough said, really. They say happiness is having something to look forward to, and I know that nearly every day, no matter what else is going on with my life, I can count on the Giants to take my mind off of things for a few hours.

It also means live games. Since I left San Francisco, I've been to three very aggressive Nats games, plus a lackluster Cubs game and a lame-as-hell Yankee game. On Monday I'm heading back to AT&T and I CAN'T WAIT.

2. I love my job. I really do. When I took a position at a niche publication that is only tangentially related to what I really wanted to do with my life, I was nervous about being pigeon-holed. Then I remembered that I felt that way about Macworld, and look how well that turned out. Experts will say that you need to pick a specialty and stick with it, but I'm still young, and I think there's still something to be said for being well-rounded.

And despite that, I love it. I look forward to coming to work every day. I definitely feel an immense, all-consuming anxiety when I don't have a story to work on some weeks, but I feel like I'm starting to hit my stride. 

I've developed a bit of a canon, even: http://search.armytimes.com/sp?skin=&aff=1100&keywords=%22meghann+myers%22

3. I'm really doing it on my own. All I've ever wanted to be in life was self-sufficient. I wanted to make my own money, call my own shots, and do it without having to answer to anyone.

I've got a job, a retirement plan, my car is now my sole responsibility. I've finally transitioned from student and post-grad to young professional. And the best part is, I've learned that I'm more than willing to build my life with someone else when it's appropriate, because I can do it on my own as well.

4. I'm moving. I moved into the house where I currently live mostly out of desperation. It's expensive, the neighborhood is a little sketchy, but it served its purpose. Now it's my mission in life to move somewhere that I really want to be.

5. There are jobs, and I am qualified for them. I had this revelation when I was visiting New York last weekend that I'm kinda over moving to New York. The more I visit, the more I realize that it's a place I like to visit, but I don't know if I'm up for living there.

Then BuzzFeed is looking for a breaking news reporter. Dream job. I'm going to apply, just to see what happens. But I will admit, I immediately hopped on Craigslist to see what the housing situation is looking like, and honestly, it's not looking that bad.

But there are also opportunities in DC. Maybe I'll even test out LA or by some miracle find something at home in San Francisco. It's all doable.

6. I'm living comfortably. I'm making more money than I ever imagined I would at my first big girl job. Somehow I've got enough for high DC rent, my student loans, my 401K, my IRA, savings and plenty of travel and nice things. I'm savoring it.

7. I've lost 15 pounds. I know that's vain, and I know I shouldn't be placing the way I look on my list of accomplishments, and I know that anxiety was a really bad way to lose weight, but here we are!

My skinniest jeans fit like a dream and I feel more comfortable both clothed and naked than I can ever remember feeling. So that is something I will take pride in.

8. I have really great friends. Admittedly, all but a few are hundreds to thousands of miles away, but through the miracles of Gchat and text messaging, I have a whole line-up of people whom I can turn to whenever I need to laugh (or cry).

Seriously, though. I turned into a Carrie Bradshaw-Mr. Big disaster for a minute there and they never judged me. Very few people are that lucky.

9. I love living in DC. Literally, I can do anything I want here. Bars, brunch, culture. I can rent a beach house or a mountain cabin, I can fly down to Miami or take the bus up to New York. The options are endless. I can't understand why anyone would ever want to limit their options.

10. It's nearly summer. I'm ready to be outside. I'm ready to float down a river. I'm ready to run into the ocean. I'm ready to lie by the pool. I'm ready for barbecues. I'm ready to sit outside for extended periods of time.

Yes, I hate the humidity. But I am ready.

11. Sara and I are planning a trip to Mexico. I had some grand designs on a romantic all-inclusive beach getaway. That's not going to pan out, so I'm going with an equally good thing. We're going to lie on the beach, sip cocktails and devour mountains of fresh fruit. Yes, please.

12. I am so young. I mean, really. I am totally free. I can go anywhere I want and do anything I want. I'm unencumbered by physical restrictions and haphazard commitments or a rigid framework I've set out for my life.

I used to be all about having a plan. Now I'm totally over it. I followed my heart and it wasn't happily ever after but it was great and I'm gonna do it again.

There are a few milestones I want to hit, but the whens and wheres and hows are up in the air. 

Circumstances will evolve. I'll seize the opportunities as they come. I'll take a chance if it feels right. My instincts are batting about 1.000 right now. 

~~~

it's good to let something turn you inside-out every once in a while. I've questioned everything I've ever felt, believed or wanted for myself, and I learned things about myself I probably wouldn't have known otherwise.

[ladebrouillarde]

Sean Hannity says private citizens should be ashamed of spending their own money as they see fit

I have to preface this by saying that there is no pleasure in calling out someone like Sean Hannity. First of all, you can't troll the King of Trolls. Second, he's such a joke that making a joke about him kinda makes me a joke. 

Having said that, if there was ever a moment to say something, now is the time. Exhibit A: 

As millions of Americans continue to make do in the Obama economy, the president, politicians, comedians, the Hollywood elite and members of the media gathered over the weekend for the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner. It was just another self-congratulating display of opulence amidst an otherwise trying time for many Americans.

Now wait one goddamn Ronald-Reagan-minute -- are you trying to stay that a privately funded professional organization shouldn't be able to throw its annual gala because the economy is rough?

The economy has been rough for what...12 years now? Did you have a problem when George W. Bush was cracking wise at the dinner for all eight years of his presidency, as men and women gave their lives for our freedom (your words, not mine)?

Should Mitt Romney stop flying in private planes? Should the Bush family stop summering in Kennebunkport? 

Hrm. Are you saying rich people shouldn't use their money to throw rich people parties? Aren't you the one shitting your pants on national television daily about the right of rich people to hoard as much of their money as possible, as an essential tenet of American freedom?

But see, this is the genius of Sean Hannity and all of Fox News. Sean Hannity knows that the White House Correspondents Association is funded by memberships and donations and that though the president is invited every year, tax payer dollars do not fund the banquet.

He knows this. He also knows that his reptile-brained audience doesn't make that distinction, and that's why he makes an issue of it. All you have to do is work "Hollywood elite," "media," and "Obama" into a sentence and the ignorant masses flare up like hemorrhoids. 

Never mind that Hannity is a very popular talk show host with a multi-million dollar contract on America's most-watched cable news network, which I think makes him about as mainstream and decadent as a person can be.

I feel like my lungs will fall out of my body if I say this one more time, but here goes:

There are myriad reasons to denigrate the Obama administration. Really, I could make a whole Tumblr dedicated to the shitty things he has done and allowed to be done while in office and it would be miles long.

So why hone in on something so innocuous, so irrelevant, as his attending a privately funded event? Particularly when it doesn't serve your narrative.

You're shitting on private citizens for spending their money as they see fit. Isn't that what you're all about?