He wondered if the old gods were anything like his. The seven for all its popularity held judgment. Seven gods staring down, waiting for a mistake to be conjured so that repentance would have to be made. He accepted long ago that he would never join his gods. His very existence was a sin. Rodrik would never make up for that sin by praying to them. Often forgetting the lines he should say before they reach his lips. It felt foolish to kneel and ask mythical beings in the sky for help. He would not appease them with marriage or children. And he made a living hurting and killing others. Perhaps he would have faired better in the Isles. Their god promoted drink and salt wives. Violence was desired and playing house was not. He once heard the old gods were cruel. Harsher than the seven, yet just as ironic. They had to be, for choosing a tree with tears of blood as an idol. Maybe they wouldnât frown upon her the way his gods would. Maybe they would smile knowing a lady had betrayed everything she knew. Or there was the possibility they wouldnât do anything at all.Â
His thoughts consumed him enough that he just noticed how close she was. Enough that he could pick up the scent of her, and let it consume him. Nothing was quite as sweet without being overwhelming. He searched far and wide for something similar. Yet there wasnât a shop keeper that could mimic it with their endless vials of perfume. Though Rodrik felt a sentiment to that. Knowing that there likely wasnât another woman in the world that could remind him of her. None that smelled so sweet, with a touch as gentle.Â
Despite that gentle touch he flinched when soft fingertips brushed his flesh. Unexpected, it took the breath right from his throat. In the privacy of the Godswood there was no longer the worry that one would find her stroking the fresh scars that painted his face. But Rodrik hadnât prepared himself for how much he longed for her touch. Or how much he longed for her to graze more than just the scars that plagued his face.Â
He reached up and grasped her hand, though quite unsure what to do with it. He found himself intertwining his fingers with her own, bringing their conjoined hands down toward his chest. How long it had been since he grasped her hand in his he could not remember. Too long it seemed. âYou notice everything, donât you?â He quipped. A slight smirk tugging at the edge of chapped lips. He only noticed the sadness in her eyes since their last meeting. But she had lost a father since then. And while he did not weep when his own father died, he imagined it was more difficult for her to stomach than it was for him. âYou bear new scars I cannot see, yet they still bring you pain. I know Iâm to blame for some of them, more than Iâd like to admit.â
She wondered if she had perhaps moved too quickly, if he still thought them too out in the open, when he flinched at her touch. Though it was true they could potentially be seen here, visitors to the godswood were often afforded generous privacy. Northern men and women took their religion quite seriously and it had itâs pros and cons. On the one hand, she felt quite safe and secluded here with Rodrik. On the other, if they were caught, the gods and their followers would be quicker to condemn than to forgive. But the eyes of the weirwood tree had seen them here before and its wooded lips had never once betrayed them.
Then her hand was in his, pulled to his chest, and any nagging thoughts in her mind fled. On some level, Altheda knew it might be wiser to keep some of her attention outwards, to glance towards the doors and windows occasionally, perhaps to guide them to a more secluded alcove among the trees, but once she could feel his heartbeat, she was anchored in place by the steady rhythm. Though faint while buried under thin, worn furs, the pulse meant he was here, right now, with her.
Altheda hadnât yet abandoned her inspection, moving her eyes from their intertwined hands back to the new mark on his face. It was small enough she might not have noticed if only he had been a stranger. Rodrik was not a stranger, though he should have been, and Altheda knew every inch, even those she couldnât see -- the scar on his neck that disappeared beneath his cloak, the burns on his shoulder, the countless other markings of other injuries sheâd absently traced before falling asleep.
The indirect mention of her father, the man she had told the guards he was here to honor, caused her to meet his gaze once more. âI hardly knew him,â she admitted, âyet I mourn him. I have struggled to find the words to express the loss I feel but... he was not so old, he was healthy, and now is... gone.â She exhaled, shook her head, looked up to the cloudy sky above. âItâs not pain you bring, itâs what remains when youâve left.â There was always the moment of vulnerability to admit things Rodrik already knew were true, even when she had so much evidence to believe they were reciprocated.Â
"Everything is so uncertain. The fragility in the North, civil war in the Trident, my father... I--â she met Rodrikâs eyes again, absently tightening her grip on the hand she held, âIâd like to be certain youâre safe.â