He holds my hand when we sleep.
I’m a restless sleeper, a worried one.
And the other night I rolled to be soothed by him.
He didn’t wake, but his fingers reached out and found mine.
He curled close.
And there, caught in his warmth, smelling his sleepy skin smells, I felt safe.
I slept again.
It hasn’t always been this way with my relationships.
There was a partner once, and then again and again, who would pull away from me seconds after making love.
He’d turn on his side and turn on Netflix,
Blocking me out without saying a word.
It’s fine, I’d tell myself. It’s fine.
But it wasn’t and in my core, I knew that too.
There was another who expressed annoyance that I was there at all.
‘I’m not sleeping well because of you,’ he said early on.
I was guilty, ashamed, determined to do better.
So I’d crinkle into a corner of the bed, tiny, unmoving.
‘I’m trying so hard to sleep small,’ I’d whisper my apology.
But I could never shrink enough.
Looking back now, it horrifies me that I settled for so little,
For so very long.
And I know I’m not alone.
So here, today, if this sounds like you,
Know this:
You deserve more than the crumbs of love.
You deserve the meal. The feast.
Not because of what you can do.
Not because of how you can look.
But because of YOU. Your unique combination of marvel and magic and DNA.
You are a marvel.
And you are worthy of love that holds your heart, your hands,
Even in the darkest of nights.
izzy806
dailybridgerton
