Where ideas go to die

Because it's all fun and games. Until you start writing.

[angelas-extrasandstuff]

I would like to share this beautiful passage with all of you, it’s long, but worth it. And I swear to god I didn’t alter any of this. 

….

Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.

Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which is seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.

Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.

As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm. “Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”

Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.

“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.” Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently. Hilda looked at him expectantly. “Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”

At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.

Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.

Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.

Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!

The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room. Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.

She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”

But her bed was empty.

Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.

….

[thewintersoulja]

i fukcing lost it at meat wand

[delete-the-wife]

Guys someone did a dramatic reading of this!

[whyarewereadingthis]

“dick Parkinson’s”?????? Guy, I think you seriously need to see a doctor about that.

[flowerqueenclary]

So this is what the headmistress on “10 Things I Hate About You” wrote…

[captainstudmuffin-deactivated20]

SPONGY LOVE MOUNTAINS

[swanscaptn]

DICK PARKINSON’S OMFG

This is both the best and the worst thing I’ve read in my life.

[killiansbutt]

@joneskillian

[shady-swan-jones]

throbbing meat wand

[penandinkprincess]

@thebibliosphere MOM, YOU NEED TO READ THIS. 

[thebibliosphere]

Ah yes. galloping abs. The abs that gallop.

[mother-of-a-murder-archives]

DICK ANEURYSM OMFG 😂😂😂😂 @maxwell-demon @elfpunk @angelsseb @angryschnauzer @sarabeth72 @angelus80 @icybluepenguin @storiesitellmyself @adamcansuckme @morriggannlostinfandoms @lokilickedme @lokiwholockfactory

[marveloznerd-deactivated2018111]

oh my god I laughed so hard I’m dying. 

‘Entered her like a lottery’

At least she’s safe from being plagiarised?!

@ancientfinnishgoddess @devikafernando @writerlivinginadarkworld @prplprincez

[suotar]

I reblogged this once and I’m reblogging this again just because this is golden 😂😂😂

[pinknoonicorn]

There is so much that is good in this! OMG! It brightened my day so much! @incredifishface @fourletterwordsstartingwithl I think you both need this! And @angrymadsygin too.

[keeper0fthestars]

@earrinde-lancaeriel @fromthedeskoftheraven @indomitablemegnolia @little-red-83 @lonelygoddessy @leepacesweetfantasy and anyone else needing a laugh 😂😭😭😭😭

[little-red-83]

I can’t breathe. 😂 Someone call an ambulance!!! @everyjourneylove @drabbletastic @averil-of-fairlea @fromthedeskoftheraven @oakenshieldgisborneandwinchester @snugsbunnyfluff @letsgetoutalive @chaos-and-the-calm67 @ozhawkauthor @lark-cale @audlie45 @lonelygoddessy and everyone else who needs a laugh…. I can’t even.. I’m dying here.

[drabbletastic-deactivated201905]

DICK. ATTACK. WHAT?!

[technoelfie]

I will get a book out into the world someday. Where there’s room for this, there’s room for my humble efforts. <3

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU DESCRIBE ABS

[dauntlessmetalmom-deactivated20]

Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.

Her snooch got all warm, too.

@jaijacked @oddsnendsfanfics @frecklefaceb @mimigemrose @sparklemichele @beautifulramblingbrains @nickysurfer28 @felyneve90

[beautifulramblingbrains]

I was all sleepy and about to rest my head and now I’m ROFL!!!! OMG the best thing i have ever read! x Needs more tags @clublulu333 @murmelche @equalstrashflavoredtrash @iammarylastar @insertamazingwords @pathybo

[trishbo]

I think this is hilarious 😂 @beautifulramblingbrains Dick Parkinson’s, seriously??? 😂😂😂😂😂😂 @branflakes82do you think our Eric should have one of those on Hard to Trust ? lol

[branflakes82]

@pathybo only if our girls “smooch got all warm”!! Lol

[ladydarkdeer]

I haven’t laughed like this for ages. Seriously, 10 minutes of actually loling. “The fading sound of galloping abs.” I’m dying. :D

[ladydarkdeer]

I know that Shakespeare gave us iconic characters, timeless themes to explore, brilliant language to draw from, and all that but, seriously, you‘re still gonna find the best of drama on Tumblr. :D

[trait-deactivated20221010]

BREXIT: what the heck does it all mean?

A lot of people have no clue why Europe is currently in a state of uproar and the only word people seem to be saying is “Brexit” so here’s a not-so-quick and easy-breezy explanation on the past 24 hours of CHAOS that has ensued:

The European Union (EU): an organisation of European countries that follows similar laws, allows for freedom of movement/labour, easy travelling (@people who planned on doing Eurotrips, not sure if you can count the UK in that anymore!) and trade with each other. The EU is important because before it was formed, the European continent was ravaged by 2 world wars, and a division because of the Cold War. This organisation has provided all the stability we’ve seen in the past 40-odd years.

So what the heck is a “Brexit”? Basically, the UK has just voted to leave the EU. 52/48 majority. Now this doesn’t seem like a TERRIBLE thing, but there are some serious political and economic consequences.

Economic implications:

- The British pound crashed from 1.5 to 1.3 in 6 hours, the lowest value in 30 years, which in turn affected the US dollar which affects all other global currencies. I wish I was joking but I’m not: South Africa, Poland, Norway, Mexico. Hungary, Australia, Switzerland all saw their currencies plummet. Countries that don’t rely on exports as their means of production cannot have a devalued currency. IT’s not good. The Japanese Yen which has been strengthening reached an all-time high which is terrible because Japan is trying to reverse its deflationary state. The Bank of Japan is now out of options and Japan literally STOPPED TRADING IN BRITISH STOCKS/INVESTMENTS.

- A devalued GBP means that the Bank of England is going to have to hike interest rates to prevent inflation (domestic prices going up even further) whicH WILL CAUSE A RECESSION. SOUND FAMILIAR ANYONE? YEAH. FINANCIAL CRISES.

- The UK leaving the EU means its market has gone down a LOT in size making them a less attractive destination for trade partners/investors. They’re going to have to draw up new trade agreements with basically the whole world since all their trade was previously tied to the EU. This will be tricky because countries liked having a market with a population of ~500 million compared to the UK’s size of ~50 million.

- GDP will go down. Retirement income will go down. The British economy is in a state of panic. The global economy is basically, fucked. For now at least.

The thing is, given the precarious nature of the economy right now with markets out of control and stagnant growth practically everywhere, it was a really really bad time to have this referendum - a lot of countries have been banking on a “Bremain” before making their next move when it comes to monetary/fiscal policy. The IMF has predicted that 2016/2017 will see the worst years for growth, but we might see upward growth trends from 2018 onwards.

So how does it still get worse?

- Scotland showed an overwhelming majority of votes to remain in the EU. It’s likely that they’re going to call for a referendum (again) to leave the UK.

- Northern Ireland also wanted to stay in the EU.

- Wales voted Leave but with a slim majority. 

- David Cameron has just announced that he will be resigning in 3 months which means that extreme conservatives who managed to sway the vote in favour of Leave could come to power. That’s right. We’ll be stuck to suffer with the likes of Farage and Johnson. 

- Brexit triggered a lot of nationalist/extreme right-wing movements in the rest of Europe. Some leaders already calling for “Frexit” (France), “Itexit” (Italy) and..”Nexit” (Netherlands)? We may see more in the next few days.. A disintegration of Europe is risky business because Europe has not been able to remain stable until the EU was formed. This could give way for an assertive Russia too, who is, as most countries would be, looking to gain more power over weak/vulnerable European states. This will trigger US skepticism and we all know how that goes. 

SO HOW DID THE GOVERNMENT LET THIS HAPPEN?

Basically David Cameron came up with the idea for the referendum because he was desperate to gain support from anti-EU parties like UKIP during the general elections last year. Except now he’s resigning. So. 

During the campaign, Michael Gove, Boris Johnson (conservatives) and Nigel Farage (UKIP) stressed on immigration laws if the UK leaves the EU because immigration/refugees have been a big problem for the UK as its reducing jobs being given to UK locals/residents and they think the UK is becoming “overcrowded” so the Leave campaign was like WE WILL TIGHTEN OUR BORDERS! YEAH! Except now they’ve displaced millions of UK citizens living/working in the rest of the EU. Let’s see how they figure that one out.

Additionally, they talked about the economic benefits because if the UK were to leave, they would be able to allot the money that goes to the EU to other things like the NHS (national healthcare) etc. The Leave campaign went on about how the UK spends 350 million pounds a week on the EU but actually it spends less than half of that, so really, their campaign was built on scaremongering and lies. EDIT: Farage has announced the 350mil will NOT be spent on the NHS.

EDIT: People have mentioned the fact that unstable EU economies were relying on capital inflow the “Big 3″ (UK, France, Germany). This is true and this was being used as an argument - however, leaving is a Pyrrhic Victory! the UK will most likely have to spend MORE rebuilding its independent economy. However, once markets stabilise, we will see.

Article 50, aka the means of exiting will be triggered in 3 months when the new Prime Minister is announced (most likely one of the extreme conservatives who are riding high on their “Independence Day” fuckery which is even more proof of xenophobic, colonialist bullshit) after which the UK will have 2 years to complete its official withdrawal so hopefully that will provide short-term stability.

But the world is in a dark place right now and everything is terrible. 

I KNOW ITS LONG BUT PLEASE READ THIS IS IMPORTANT THIS IS GOING TO GO IN HISTORY TEXTBOOKS

[ladydarkdeer]

Great summary. Also, I do appreciate the irony of Nigel Farage sitting in the European Parliament for 17 years (!!!), shamelessly getting paid by the very same institution that he criticizes and despises for taking money out of poor UK’s pockets, when his sole purpose during those 17 years was to achieve the UK’s secession from the EU. It’s not like he NEEDED to sit in the European Parliament for so long (or even at all) to achieve what he and his friends have now attained. He could’ve done it without being an MEP and without getting about 1.5 MILLION euros in wages (plus however much in travel expenses compensation etc.) . He is a fricking hypocrite, and the British public took his bait - hook, line, and sinker. 

[ladydarkdeer]

I'm translating a few episodes of Say Yes to the Dress, where a 2000 dollar budget for a dress is called "limited". So somebody, please, explain to me why I'm feeling guilty about drooling over a beautiful, one-of-a-kind handmade dress that costs 300€. Oh, the joys of not wanting to waste money on a wedding, but still wanting to look like a freaking fairy sent from heaven.

[ladydarkdeer]

I love puns. I really do. Not when I have to translate them, though. That's just the worst.

[ladydarkdeer]

"Do you like cat?" she said. "Yes," said Richard. "I quite like cats." Anaesthesia looked relieved. "Thigh?" she asked, "or breast?"

Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman