kestrel.

 𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞.

[ladywhitestone]

cassandra de rolo of critical role campaign one / the legend of vox machina. private + low activity. written by elias ( 21, they/he, acst. )  work in progress.

google doc. prompts. metas.

[ladywhitestone]

[A letter, written in a fine hand, addressed to Lord Percival de Rolo. The envelope is sealed with a deep blue wax bearing the crest of the de Rolo family.]

     Percy,

I am not certain upon the time this letter will finally reach your hands. You did give me the address of the Vox Machina keep in Emon, however I am aware that the life of an adventurer is one that must take you to the farthest reaches of Exandria and thus it may be many moons before you return to the keep. 

As I am writing this, it has been six days since you left Whitestone. Even in that slim period of time, the atmosphere has shifted so dramatically. It is as though the city itself has been holding onto a breath during the years Sylas and Delilah ruled, and now it has been exhaled. There is a strong fellowship between the citizens in their efforts to begin rebuilding, no doubt in part to the presence of Yennen. The farmers and stockmen living outside the city proper have expressed their gratitude to the groups we organized to give them support, as they had been left to flounder and their crops waste with nowhere to send them. I have only had the chance to venture into the city once, but still there was a warm welcome and only a scant number of angered glares at me. 

Unfortunately, the Council has kept me far too busy to have a more direct hand in these efforts. We have busied ourselves with the task of contacting all our old allies, drawing up new treaties and trade agreements. While those from before the Briarwoods are still sound, having the Council formally recognized as the head of Whitestone rather than the de Rolos will be of great benefit in future. We have yet to receive word from Emon, but I trust that should you have visited Sovereign Uriel, you would have explained everything to him and they will be receptive to our circumstances.

It is important work and it keeps me distracted from my thoughts. There is a deep upset in my stomach whenever I walk through the halls of this castle, as though I expect to turn a corner and see Oliver and Whitney chasing each other around, or hear Mother calling us to dinner. In the quiet moments, I am reminded simply of the size of the castle, fit for a large family and all their staff. Rather now it is only myself and the other Council members during the day. I have considered having a lady in waiting, however I am far more than capable of tending to myself. She would serve mainly as a companion, and perhaps I may be able to teach her such as we were taught, a chance that she may not have otherwise. Of course, I wish that you were here to fill part of this silence, but my wishes rarely bear fruit. 

Enough about myself though. I simply ask that you do not be a stranger, @imyang. Although I wish circumstances were different, I understand what you must do. It does reassure me knowing that the company you keep seems to care for you, particularly Vex’ahlia and Keyleth. You should be thankful for them. However, I will also ask that you write back with many stories of your travels. While you have your responsibilities and I have mine, it does not mean I do not still deeply dream of a world outside Whitestone and what adventures could await me beyond. I am prone to my flights of fancy, the ones that irritate you so fervently.

I look forward to hearing back from you, and further still to the day you come home.

With all my love,      Cass

[ladywhitestone]

i may or may not be tossing up giving cass a grisha verse if only to give her options. hrngh

[behindfairytales]

MILLIE BRADY as Queen Aethelflaed The Last Kingdom (5.01)

[ladywhitestone]

🧍

[cutsdeeper]

MARASENNA — “The Marasenna catalogs the creation of the Awoken, including the creation of the Distributary and the Awoken’s history until some left for Sol under the command of Mara Sov.”

“Cut too deep and too quick, and you will kill the thing you want to know.”

“Think too eagerly, and as the digging hand leaves its print in soft earth, so you will find only the image left by your own presumptions.”

“We were made to pay this price.”

“You cannot help but love Earth if you grow up in space.”

“Humanity as a cocoon, an instar, a form ready to be shed.”

“There are those who will give anything to feel that void.”

“I really don’t care what risks you take.”

“It is one thing to have a particular power over people. But it is another to deny that you are using it.”

“What people make of you, what they create of you—even without your consent—becomes a kind of responsibility.”

“I keep an ear out for… curious personalities. People who awaken when others sleep.”

“We have a decision to make.”

“We’d be dead before we saved a single soul.”

“We don’t owe those people our deaths. We don’t owe them our dreams.“

“We go onward. We do not turn home. Our fate lies ahead, not behind.”

“Too much power has gathered here.”

"Sun is the cradle of life, but we cannot remain in the cradle forever.”

“What am I?“

“I remember the danger was appalling. I remember we were born in death.”

"Nothing has one beginning.”

“Why do you love lies so much?”

“We could not ever have been gods with this flaw in us!”

“You’ve brought him here to die?”

“I cannot live while you live, but I cannot bear to kill you.”

"You don’t care about him? It would mean nothing if I maimed him?”

“Your life is at stake.”

“Let us take the stars together.”

“My work is done, and I will stomach no more.“

"Our world is a gift. And we must refuse it.”

“All I offer you is hardship and death.”

“You will walk in a deeper dark than this world has ever known.“

“I have been the best thing I can think to be.”

“Is this the best thing you could think to be?”

“Do you understand what you’ve done? Have you reckoned the full cost?”

“You’re the devil.”

“I will do it out of hate for you.”

“No forgiveness. Do you understand me? It is unforgivable.”

“I’m not coming with you.”

“There is a war, and its name is existence.”

“You’re absurd.”

“It feels as if all these old wounds in my soul are opening up again.”

“I saw your face in my dream. I saw your eyes. I heard your voice.“

"We’re in Death’s dominion now.”

[jnjo]

Curled Up Roger Parry, 1965 / Sb, 2018 / Pictor Mulier, 2018 / Paul Gauguin, 1921 / Stefania Panelli, 2006 / Bastiaan Woudt, 2020 / Quang Ho, 2014 / Svetlana Tartakovska, 2019

[xenosagaepisodeone]

let it be known that this blog supports misunderstood, hysterical women and believes they are soothsayers for the inevitable destruction of society that we only ignorantly turn a blind eye to

[taylorkawaii]

The good old days🥺

[ladywhitestone]

it says a lot how cass went through the briarwoods, the rebellion, and leading whitestone on her own — but it took until she actually died before she began to fall apart.

[ladywhitestone]

aesthetics for the entities, part i.  bold what applies to your muse, italics what applies situationally or only in certain verses. rest of the fears here.  this is based on a horror podcast;  potentially triggering and / or upsetting content ahead!

i.  the buried.   weighed blankets.  drowning.  the comfort of a loved one’s weight.  soil and sand piling on top of you.  hugging so hard it hurts a little.  cramped hiding spots.  letting out air underwater to sink to the bottom of the pool.  walls pressing in on you.  not moving from a position even though you’re cramping a little.  dragging the last second before you have to inhale.  lonely subways.  feeling like one with the earth.  a layer of dirt on you.  looking for something below.  cardboard boxes and tiny pillow forts.  hands calloused from digging.  knowing that your purpose is just below the surface.  entering your final resting place before it kills you.  a storm drowning you out.  dust and sand speaking to you.

ii.  the corruption.   insects.  a close imitation of the natural course of life.  an illness in a community.  a rag that dirties more than it cleans.  an untreated wound.  containment.  breaching containment.  unbreathable air.  fungi.  one with that you love.  one with what loves you.  a corpse unfit for a glass case.  hearing a song in the sound of tiny wings and legs.  honeycomb patterns.  an ecosystem within a person.  a curse passed on.  the hubris of a scientist.  an ugly death where a glorious one is owed.  blood on a handkerchief.  parasites.  something pushing up the sewer.  a mask to keep something out.  trypophobia.  knowing you belong.  death weeks after impact.  fever.  food that’s gone off.  pandora’s box.  death behind a glass.

iii.  the dark.   shadows.  lights that turn off by themselves.  the feel of cold marble.  a beaked creature in the night.  the difference between seeing darkness and seeing nothing.  touch of something you can’t see.  hiding under a blanket.  white, clouded eyes.  months without going outside during sunlight.  pouring dark.  unscrewing lightbulbs.  black matter.  light sensitivity.  a starless night.  time before light was created.  a shadow on the wall without a body to attach to.  withering plants.  a world without a sun.  footfalls in an empty house in the night.  a light that doesn’t reach as far as it should.  desperate reach for a flashlight.  clothes that hide your shape. staying unperceivable.  winter months in the north.  an empty church.

iv.  the desolation.   senseless pain.  warmth of faith.  wax where skin should be.  a blazing fire.  heat without a source.  the third or fourth tragedy in the family.  losing everything you’ve ever held dear.  so much to live for, gone so soon.  the smell of gasoline.  touch that scars.  coffee cup that never goes cold.  scorch marks on wood.  inescapably warm air.  a child born in fire.  death of a loved one.  a candle without a flame.  an altar in the middle of the woods.  animals with burnt fur.  plastic explosives.  burning hot metal.  sweating in an interrogation room.  never touching a loved one.  disfigurement.  a kiss that ruins you.  the scent of burning fat.  a tattoo that terrifies its viewer.  the agony of hellfire displayed as art.  auburn hair.  little clothing in cold weather.  a ripple in the air.  trying to cool down in vain.

v.  the flesh.   body horror.  factories.  a hunger for something more filling.  never quite happy with how you look.  the terror of an animal waiitng for slaughter.  a very good meal.  the liquid of a perfect steak.  fighting your worst survival instincts.  a twisted bone.  long nights working out.  more than one heart.  appearance that shapes like clay.  a bag of bones.  bone broth in a pot.  knowing to fear pigs.  the butcher’s shop.  plastic surgery.  something alien inside your body.  a hunger in the gaze laid upon you.  unwitting cannibalism.  forgetting what you used to look like.  being admired for your appearance and appearance only.  teeth marks on skin.  scars from wounds that should’ve killed you.  cooking in scarcity.  fenced in with one way to go.

vi.  the end.   the last page of a book.  nightmares that don’t feel like nightmares.  a skeletal hand.  the grip of the grim reaper around your throat.  existential pain.  ivory dice.  flatlining in a hospital.  gambling with death.  as old as the universe.  soul and spirit tied to an object.  a dream where you die.  closing your eyes for the last time.  the plead of a dying one.  knowing the fate of someone you know and being unable to prevent it.  a thousand cords tugging you towards your end.  skin that’s freezing to the touch.  an act of desperation.  someone’s life for yours.  an eternity spent alive.  the cost of your selfishness.  watching your own burial.  causing your own burial.  the smell of death.  numbness to fear.  words from someone gone.  meaninglessness of the actions or lives of single people in the universe.  multiple near-death experiences you refuse to die from.

vii.  the eye.   googling something you shouldn’t have.  eureka moments.  the unforgiving lens of a camera.  witness reports.  hidden libraries.  eyes of different colours.  feeling of being watched.  a death recorded in tape.  a tragedy you can’t watch away from.  endangering yourself for knowledge.  truth.  analog records.  a symbol of an eye.  a watch tower.  compulsion to document.  turning on recording devices without thinking about it.  saving the evidence before the person.  extracting information.  truth or dare, without the dare.  a thirst for knowledge.  books that speak to you.  coordinated shelves.  cataloguing systems.  voyerism.  police report you can’t put down.  reasoning your way out.  smell of old papers.  books that read you back.

TAGGED BY: stolen from myself TAGGING: you!!

[holyisthenameofmyruthlessaxe]

a child learns the world by putting it in her mouth, a girl becomes a woman and a woman, earth. Body, they blame you for all things and they seek in the body what does not live in the body.

Firing Squad, Ilya Kaminsky (via deformititties)

[ladywhitestone]

     the dress is waiting at the end of her bed when she exits the bath.   the design is simple and modest,  made of a deep red silk crepe.   she notes the black collar and sleeve cuffs that immediately gives away the person who gifted it.   cassandra had already received instructions to wash herself and prepare for dinner,  but the new dress alluded to something further that delilah had planned for her.   something certainly more sinister.   when she turns to fetch her old dress,  the same one she had been wearing since that day,  it has disappeared from the bathroom.   the meaning could not be clearer.

    once she sits at the vanity,  her gaze does not waver.   she looks at the mirror,  at the girl in the mirror,  at herself.   she is looking at herself but all she can see is delilah.   the long dark hair,  the skin paled from lack of sunlight,  the red  (always the same red,  dried blood splattered on the dungeon floor).   despite the bile rising in her throat,  despite her hands violently shaking,  cassandra does not look away.   neither does she notice dr. ripley entering the room until she sits down behind her,  already creasing at the corner of her eyes.   she says something that doesn’t register and her features cross into frustration.   ripley speaks again,  her voice falling on cassandra’s ears like through glass,  calling her a brat.   she still has not looked away from her reflection.

    suddenly there are hands in her hair;  the first thing that brings her closer back to her body.   her attention shifts upwards where ripley is pulling out the pins temporarily holding back her hair.   she moves with absolute precision,  no love held in the actions,  the touch of a scientist.   yet the feeling draws something up from the depths,  breathing oxygen into the embers.   the motions mirror her memories of her mother braiding her hair for special occasions.   she allows herself to slowly close her eyes and let the sensation wash over her,  shoulders beginning to slacken.   the fingers combing through and sectioning her locks into a tight braid do not belong to johanna klossowski,  but she is able to pretend for a brief moment.   she can hear the soft humming,  feel the accidental brush over the tip of her ear.   with her eyes closed,  cassandra de rolo exists again.

@catharsy:   [  groom  ]  sender  tries  to  make  receiver  look  more  presentable

[ladywhitestone]

consider........ mackenzie foy as younger cass

[ladywhitestone]

the kestrel’s musings, date unknown.

[ladywhitestone]

lady cassandra de rolo, of the first house of whitestone.   ( mutuals may reblog! )

[kaotic-youth]

When Richard Rorh said "Pain that is not transformed will always be transmitted.“ and when C.S. Lewis said “I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief” and when Anne Carson said “Why does tragedy exist? Because you are full of rage. Why are you full of rage? Because you are full of grief.” and when Alfred Mac Adam said  “What is a ghost, after all, but a repressed memory, the past demanding to be heard in the present?” because what is malevolence but a kind of sadness and what is rage but a kind of grief

[catharsy-archived]

@ladywhitestone