Biography

[lalalish]

Abandon me

I can't do it. I can't dare to show my face to you again, let alone make you feel that I exist in this house. I want to go far, far away from you. selfishly, because I can't bear to feel the rage that you hold against me. As always, I am still very selfish.

[lalalish]

Cedula

Hello, today I lost my mother's original copy of her cedula. She doesn't have a backup copy of it, so I immediately knew that I messed up. She is very angry, and I think that it's valid, so why am I upset when I'm totally in the wrong? Why is it that I am shedding too many tears when I am the one who lost them? I am the one who caused her inconvenience. I hope I can go back in time in order to correct my mistakes, or is it better if, from the beginning, I just don't exist at all?

[lalalish]

Passion and Freedom

I was quietly walking in the mall when I saw a free-to-try stall. I was surprised when I saw the very cleanly cut fruits made by the vendor. So I asked him what's his secret to being that good, and surprisingly, he answered that it was his dream to become a cook; it was his dream to study culinary, but unfortunately he cannot afford it, so instead he's here working to help his family. And through that interaction, I came to wonder about the gap between freedom and passion. In your chosen career, if money or the opinion of others didn't matter, would you still be there?

[lalalish]

just between us, i remember it all too well.

i remember it all; i remember it too well when i wish to forget about it instead. i remember how you two fought due to much stress when our bills were piling up when we had nothing. i remember you working hard and putting the blame on him because he couldn't be of any help. But what you don't know is his secret wish to just go abroad to help us with our needs. If i were rational, i would've liked it, but i am not, and i will surely miss him unbearably much and i know you would too. i remember him ranting because he wanted to help; he really tried, and he still tries, but you never saw it; he never said it. He's always been like that, just keeping everything to himself. You hate how he's always voiceless. You want him to speak up to say what you want to hear, to say what he should've said, to speak out for all the mistreatments that he received, but he never did. And you were disappointed, but i always knew that he was like that, i myself was also like that. and like him, i want to help but how? i ask that simple question to myself every night when i have nothing to do but stare at the ceiling questioning every existence. how?

[lalalish]

and yet another sleepless night for me

[lalalish]

I once believed that love would be black and white, as that was the only feeling that I received from my peers and parents, yet what I didn't expect was for it to be golden. Meeting you was my awakening. Your golden light never failed to make me feel at ease. You are and will forever be my daylight.

[lalalish]

I was too oblivious.

Too centered on preserving our friendship that I didn't even consider the idea of you liking me back.

But was it really as impossible as I thought it was?