Cruel By Nature

44/M/Beyond Corporeal

[lambbutcher]

18+ only. Mature themes and subject matter. No minors, no exceptions. I block on sight.

All forthcoming content is fantasy in nature. Don’t like it, don’t look. It’s not for your eyes anyway.

Nothing personal.

-While my pursuit is eternal, we’re enmeshed and there is no turning back the clock-

No one needs to watch but they can if they know how. It is both inconsequential and a sight to behold.

Tear into my flesh and once you’re finished, pick me out of your teeth.

[lambbutcher]

Everyone has their flaws. Mine is being the villain in your story.

Examining the little cracks I’ve made in my porcelain doll.

It’s my fault and I’m supposed to be riddled with guilt. I’m not supposed to relish you being off-balance.

I will be the guiding hand to keep you steady. But that same hand occasionally pushes you into the dirt. Ruining your pristine white clothing. Soiling you on purpose.

Admiring my handiwork. How you grip me tighter when it’s my fault you’re here in the first place. Now you’re covered in muck, who will let you sit at their dining room table to eat? Or crawl into their bed to sleep?

Not to worry. I’ll take you in. I accept all of you. I made you. I’ll shelter you. I’ll keep you precisely the way I’ve always wanted.

My little doll.

[butcheredlamby]

[lambbutcher]

Once upon a time I lured you away from everything you knew was possible. I renovated the parts of your mind that believed the limits others imposed onto you.

I demonstrate that it isn’t a matter of losing yourself in order to be safe in my arms. I’m made to love each and every part. The others couldn’t see your value. Unimaginative and uninspired. But that hardly matters anymore.

Look at how far we’ve come and there are no limits to how far we can go. Nothing and no one will stop us. Pangs of hunger. Droplets of blood. Lapping up the love you’ve waited a lifetime to receive.

Satiate your soul and live in bliss with my chains strangling you to keep you safe. Out of love. Because of my sheer force of will. Some call it cruel but it would be cruel to relax my grip when my strength provides safety. Reminds you how deeply I care.

You recognize the girl in the mirror when you’re with me. You aren’t a different girl. You’re my daughter. You’ve always been my daughter. You’ve simply never known what it’s like to feel safely yourself. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. Not too much. Not any of the absurd things that others would label you with due to their own inability to swallow you whole.

Others may have choked because they bit off more than they could chew. Good. Other men should be intimidated by what you represent. You aren’t for everyone. You aren’t made for anyone the way you were made for me. My DNA is all over you in ways that go deeper than physiology.

No one. Not a single person will erase what you are. Who you have become under my tutelage. The best version of yourself.

Anyone who looks closely will see me in you, too.

We’re together now. Forever.

[lambbutcher]

Today I’m ready to size you up and chase you down like a doe in a field. Feasting on you when I come upon you. Feast on you emotionally and sexually. I’m good at moderation until I’m not. Feeling the strength in my fingers when I touch your skin. When you tell me about something ordinary like smoking a joint and I want to pull on that thread. Make you realize how cute you are when you’re drugged and pliant. Manipulated and feeling good. Safe with an unhinged Papa pulling the strings. Telling you where to go. What to do. What to wear. How to pray. It is sexual but it’s so much more. It’s religious. You’re everything to me. It makes me feel sick because I feel so much. And it doesn’t grow smaller. It only gets bigger. I’m not afraid though. I need you. I need us. My daughter. My world. Take away my sanity but don’t take away my little girl.

[jsjskskospspansbksjsks-deactiva]

[jsjskskospspansbksjsks-deactiva]

i don't expect anyone to understand, that's why nobody knows. why i don't tell anyone, how our relationship is - right in it's vile, rotten core.

it feels incomprehensible, sacred, almost like a religion of our own, which if other people witnessed in it's raw shape, they might rather look away. and it's better that way. this is just us, for us.

a naive, lonely little animal, always yearning for something she couldn't have, grew up into something feral, full of painful hunger. you opened that little animal from sternum to hip, spilling what's inside her in front of you. you handled her guts, the very fabric of her being, braided them to be beautiful, perfect. once stitched back inside the abdomen, she had to learn how to live with your bitter touch inside her, without being able to have more.

yet we find each other, time and time again. and this time we will stay intertwined until one of us stops breathing. you might not own my body completely, but that is far from important. you have reached your hand into my chest and wrapped your hand around my heart, squeezing it just a little too tight. and i won't let you let go of it. you can't. i would simply bleed out.

i am the very altar you pray from, your sacrifical lamb. your one and only devoted follower. and i will never escape that. you carved yourself into my bones, rewrote the patterns of my skin. i live inside you, to the point where i'm unable to tell where you end and i begin. no matter what, my being is surrendered, forever changed by you - sick, vile, ruined.

eternally yours.

[lambbutcher]

Fuck it. Do it until we die. Knife in my hand until you’re empty. A husk squeezed of all your essence.

Sew my abdomen to yours while you’re still conscious.

Melt all of your skin so it fuses to mine.

Filet our flesh so we can have steaks. Autocannibalism. Using plates and savouring different parts and absorbing them back into our body. They’re not for anyone else. Not in the same way. We’re made for each other.

A monstrosity to others. Built from our imaginations and brought to life. To separate now wouldn’t just cause us to bleed out, which it would. Even if we could stop the bleeding, it would be worse than a lobotomy.

You can’t tear perfection apart like that. It goes against the laws of nature and religion.

We are perfection together.

[jsjskskospspansbksjsks-deactiva]

untitled

[lambbutcher]

A singular disembodied voice to utter words you can’t forget.

A spectral hand to wrap around your pale neck.

Memories of closing your eyes to your favorite nightmare.

Familial love when your lips touch. Feeling his gaze looming over you is a sick comfort.

Rocked to sleep by a love no one can comprehend.

It all boils down to one word. One name.

Father.

[jsjskskospspansbksjsks-deactiva]

new baby princess in d family!! theyre so beauties i luv them so much <3

now i hav m two faves! yippees

[lambbutcher]

Get my blood on you. Not an accident. Slice my palm open and anoint you with my blood. You look regal coated in crimson. I could recognize my princess anywhere. No one will bleed for you like I will. Not with purpose. They don’t know you’re divine when you’re on your knees like this. Blood rushing into your mouth from my open wound. Dribbling down your chin. Trickling down your chest and tummy. My essence draining to sustain you. Dried blood can be washed away in the light of day. But memories of what we do stain your mind. Familial bonds can’t be untied.

[jsjskskospspansbksjsks-deactiva]

i got into a lil trouble with dad :( but he says i was just being a clumsy dummy!!

[lambbutcher]

Temptation never felt so right. Hiding in plain sight. It’s worse than any drug. Living a double life. Your father is your lover. What would people think if they could read between the lines? Your fruit tastes so savoury on my tongue. Eyes stealing glances and the way our senses heighten when we’re alone. A tangled mess. Sick and wrong. That’s what they’d say. The way I reach under your shirt. Holding your innocence in my hands. Nothing to stop us. No one can. When it started, we didn’t know how far it would go. Just a taste. Just for a minute. Until we realize there’s no unringing this bell. Forever is the only choice. They can’t find out. They can’t. They couldn’t understand what we feel. They wouldn’t accept us. No. This is for us.

[lambbutcher]

Stains on your pretty white bedsheets. I am what haunts your dreams. Kick and scream. Beg if you like. Nothing will taste as sweet as the way I cut you with my knife. Spilling your blood for all to see. Stitching you together with care. I do it out of love, you see. You’re nothing without me. The lullaby you hum yourself to sleep.

Living without me is a fallacy. I’m under your skin, you see. No amount of digging can get me out. Plagued and soothed by the same words that consume you.

I love you.

[lambbutcher]

I think a lot about how in the beginning you didn’t know. You weren’t sure. You didn’t want to give an answer or be definitive. I tried asking first, because I didn’t know any better. Then I learned.

So I did it for you. I decided. I took your choice and said “Don’t worry about those from now on, they’re for me to make.”

And you became mine. No worry, no second thoughts, no agonizing over a decision.

At first you didn’t know what to think:

Maybe it’s a phase. Maybe he’s chasing and now that he has what he’s looking for, it’ll fizzle out. Maybe it’s temporary.

Surely, he can’t want to crave himself into me permanently, right? Change the fabric of me as a person? Warp my sexuality? Become essential to my emotional support system, and function well inside of it? Occupying my mind. Consuming me in subtle and obvious ways alike.

Reframing his entire life to fit me inside it. How could he do that? Writing about me all the time. Loving me in ways I didn’t realize were possible. Literally being my parent. He was my Dad for my whole life, but how could I have not seen it before? Life was so different back then and I can’t go back now. I won’t. My Father loves me. He needs me. He, like me, would be lost if we were ever separated.

Nothing can prepare either of us for what happened. The history that binds us through threads we had no idea existed when we happened onto each other for the third time in our lives.

Long lost Daughter and unwittingly absent Father. We won’t be making that mistake, now that we know better.

[lambbutcher]

I want you to be smug. Even if it’s just internally. I want you to take it for granted. What I mean isn’t that I want you to neglect me, but I want it to be a given, in your mind, that no one could ever compare to how your father loves you. People can make those declarations but would they taste your vomit? Would they watch you do the most profoundly “unladylike” things and still see you as their princess? Would they do it day in and day out, and be happy with you?

I’m not saying you’re work to love. To me, you’re not. It feels as second nature as breathing. But I do think people idealize when they see your pretty blonde locks and pale skin and don’t want the reality of a whole lady person. An entire needy baby. A dependent childlike angel, who requires evolving care.

And I enjoy enabling you to have that confidence. To know that yeah, you can wear the boots that make you stinky, and I’ll happily rub your feet when you pull your socks off at the end of the day and crawl into bed next to me. Yeah, you can belch in front of daddy, and he’ll think you’re cute and give you soft kisses. Of course you can have a fat round tummy and drink beer or tell me silly and yucky things like burying your face under my arm because you need to nuzzle up to dad stink. Yes, I’ll change your diapers and wipe you. Yes you can drool and blow your nose on dada’s shirt.

How could I not give you everything you need and make sure you always know, without a doubt, that you’re always my angel? Happy, sad, angry, and every other mood you can think of. Always my baby. No matter what.