La’Mer

Digital diary ;)

[lamerro]

[lamerro]

[lamerro]

Im Rapunzel and ur Eugene

[lamerro]

كيف ابلك ناس من حياتي و ابدأ في سيرفر جديد؟

[lamerro]

Wish i could teleport

And time travel

Or know every conversation anyone has ever had about me.. mostly the good ones, and the ones people i don’t speak to anymore have

Every time someone would ask me if i had a super power what would it be? I would say “have the power ‘to have any power that comes to mind’ cuz then i can have whatever whenever!”

Clever huh?

[lamerro]

Make me a time machine

[lamerro]

My name literally means the loving ocean.

+It’s a mix of Arabic and French which are considered two of the most romantic languages to ever exist.

It’s so me I love it🤍🌊

[lamerro]

Im so aware im scared i might snap anytime soon

Im mad and irritated all the time, everyone pisses me off and my sleep schedule is fucked

I sleep for either 4 or 12 hours and still wake up exhausted

I feel worn out and drained and i hate everyone around me

Is this a seasonal thing? The shittiest depression I’ve ever had to go through started almost a year ago. I haven’t been the same since.

I don’t feel like i used to anymore but i feel empty

I read a comment on TikTok that said sadness can become an addiction, It can feel safe.

I felt so connected to that but shes right.. what if thats my case? But i always see the joy in everything even though there is this unexplainable amount of sadness inside of me

I need to get out. Life is so much more than that.

[lamerro]

Nostalgia is insane

What do you mean i miss moments that don’t exist anymore??

I didn’t even think these moments would turn to memories i just lived them carelessly and i was so happy.

But now i cant enjoy a moment because i try so hard to take it in and not miss anything, i forget to ACTUALLY enjoy it and live it.

It’s kinda performative atp idk i just sabotage everything

[lamerro]

I miss you, please be real I genuinely need you.

[lamerro]

Fuck everyone who twists stories up to make you seem like the villain when talking to other people

They know exactly what they’re doing, how, and when to do so

makes you look awful and wrong when your intentions where purer than their heart will ever be

[lamerro]

Ugh i miss the American vibe

I miss how open minded everyone was

I miss the old jeddah

[lamerro]

I miss america

I feel like i took my last trip there for granted but i tried so hard to enjoy it

Depression really does something to you

+ the people you’re forced to be surrounded with don’t make it any better

[lamerro]

Remember that when u look at people from certain perspectives

You also see urself from one

Your number 1 bully is urself (ur brain to be exact)

Im so much more than all of that

I realized this today bc many people have told me that the first time they saw me they wanted to befriend me cuz I looked cool

I always said to myself that they were lying you know self sabotage n all

But what if they were being honest? What if they genuinely ment it? I mean why else would they bring it up for no reason

Stop looking down on yourself, you’re so much more than what ur brain limits you to be

[lamerro]

Why does one crave death when they have such big dreams they crave every night?

Is it because said dreams feel impossible?

Or does escaping feel too hard that only imagination allows one to feel free

To genuinely enjoy and feel

I want so much yet i have so little energy

In my head im the best version of myself and every time I try and achieve that vision somethings just don’t stay consistent

I feel the urge to start a new life, one of my own. One where I’m free and have people who genuinely love me. One where I’m the person i want to be. Not irritated, angry, or always holding a grudge.

I can achieve that now.. just not with the people I’m around.

But again, i don’t want to die yet i think about it every second I’m alive

Death just feels like a shortcut to peace but there is so much i want to experience in this world

Life is so much other than a broken home with a floor of eggshells. Anything you do or say may and will be used against you.

[lamerro]

I miss you more when you’re not around.

I miss the person you are when we are far from each other, we had more connection then than we do when we are physically in the same place.

I miss the sister you were a month ago, thats the closest we’ve ever been since childhood.

[lamerro]

Fuck i miss my will to live