all's well that ends well

[only-lana-del-rey]

[languidlimbs]

jarel has been pulling his sex card a lot recently

like the “i’m so stressed at work and want to come home and relax and get my dick sucked” card

which is not okay with me

i’ve been having a lot of issues with my body and eating lately, which he constantly exacerbates by commenting on how “unhealthily” i’m eating etc etc etc. not to mention that mother fucking joe has been a constant in my brain for well over a solid month now (just when things were starting to get normal again) which kinda makes me automatically connect sex and anxiety and guilt and pain

i am sorry, but i cannot deal with petty male ejaculatory needs right fucking now

right before christmas i pushed passed my bullshit and i made him cum four times in one week

i realize how sad that number is, especially to a man

but i literally cannot tell you how happy i was that i did that. that i was fucking ABLE to do that. i was able to have sex without crying!!!!!! without feeling like i couldn’t breathe!!!!!! without actually having severe flashbacks to his body on top of mine!!!!! 

i don’t understand why jarel can’t see that as what it is: a mother fucking victory

why do i have to be automatically made into some goddamn sex machine?

i love jarel to fucking death. i am marrying this man. i would die for this man.  it’s not like we’ve never talked about it. honestly, we probably talk about it at least once per month. usually after i freak out about sex.  but somehow he doesn't understand. somehow he doesn’t get that sex is not what it used to be for me, and it won't be for a long fucking time - if ever. that doesn’t mean a year, or two, or any fixed amount of time altogether.  it means that i am in pain. that i am hurting. guilting me into fucking you is not helping me, but keeping me in the loop i’ve been stuck in for a year and a half.

i need to heal.  i need to feel like my pain is valid. i need to feel like i am worth more to him than what is between my legs.  i need to be human.

[creative-commons-cats-deactivat]

[languidlimbs]

Oh btw I'm officiating a wedding on Friday for my friends Brooke and Casey which I feel will be an appropriate conversation piece on Thursday with my Trump supporting parents \m/

[languidlimbs]

Buying a house at the end of your lease seemingly makes sense until the last month/weeks of your lease arrives and you find out you aren't closing until several weeks after your lease expires AND YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU ALREADY GAVE YOUR ONE MONTH NOTICE

[languidlimbs]

In little over one year I went from spending time drinking with my college roommates on weekends to drinking two bottles of wine alone on a Friday night watching HGTV with my animals

[zzzze]

Edward Weston, Cats on Steps, 1944

[artemeis]

million dollar man // lana del rey

[languidlimbs]

I just want to feel like myself again.

[languidlimbs]

hey youre back! are you ok?

Hi!!! I'm trying to be back! I've taken a long enough break to realize that I need something like tumblr in my life. I'm okay! Just living and all. How are you?

[languidlimbs]

Jarel and I just had one of his friends move in yesterday and I feel super awk and antisocial because I'm so used to our apartment just being our lil place. It's been like this for almost a year. Now I can't just walk around the house without pants on or a bra or whatever and there are other people occupying our living space and it's freaking me out a lot.

[100sportscars-deactivated201804]

[snailbasket-deactivated20170826]

tag yourself i’m needs an adult

[1000drawings]

Flower sketches by Bernadette Pascua

[onlytwitterpics]

[eggdropsoupe-deactivated2016050]

[languidlimbs]

Hi my name is Hannah and I am drowning in negative thoughts tonight

[languidlimbs]

Ya know it really fucking sucks when you've been in recovery for almost 2 years and your fiancé has eating issues so you don't have food in the house ever and never wants to buy food. Like making it really hard on me to keep my head above water, ya fuck.