ellievsbear
★
blake kathryn
YOU ARE THE REASON
Today's Document
noise dept.
Kaledo Art
Game of Thrones Daily
Peter Solarz
Claire Keane
Keni
PR's Tumblrdome
$LAYYYTER
KIROKAZE
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❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
@theartofmadeline
Stranger Things
we're not kids anymore.
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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seen from United Kingdom
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seen from Finland
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@lastlife-line
Introduction
My name is buba
My pronouns are he/they
I suffer from depression anxiety sh ana panic attack night terrors BPD Tourettes
Things I like
Art
Music
Anime
Movies
Nature
Post/Reblog
Ed content
My own experience
Journal updates
Poems
Thinspo
Stats
Gw 80
Cw 130
Hw 130
Lw 88
Updated 26/7/2021
I have no control over my body
I have no control over my body
I have no control over my body
I have no control over my body
I have no control over my body
I have no control over my body
I have no control over my body
I have no control over my body
I have no control over my body
Haha my mom just handed me 15$ and said get something to eat my answer ‘yes of course I will’ in reality I’m buying some 10cal monsters to last me my Xmas diet
I’m stating my xmas diet today
Please remember if your doing this diet eat sufficient food so you don’t pass out. And eat more if you do pass out don’t kill yourself over something you saw on tumblr
Sometimes bad or unhealthy coping mechanisms save us. While healthier ones are ideal, they aren’t always what got us through.
You did what you had to do to survive. Please forgive yourself for it.
I am NEVER asking for help ever again!!! I’m so fucking done with everything especially my fucking mother. I ask to come home from school 1 hour early that’s it just an hour and she is making me be attached at the hip while my 12 yr old brother gets to stay home alone!!! Im fucking 16 yrs old I don’t need to be babysat!!!!!! I hate this dam life I have to live!!!
Lunch
People aren’t noticing that I’m starting to relapse.
I’m not eating
Working out more
Sleeping more
Never leaving my room
Long baggy clothes
I was going so fucking good for 3 whole months Ed wise, I was so so good for eating but I was in so much mental pain gaining weight now my gut is 85cm around and none of my clothes fit me I am so fat right now I just need to loose a bit of weight.
TW!!!
Ana talk with bubs🥲
My new rules
DO NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS RELAPSE ASIDE FROM TUMBLR!!!!
No food 5pm to 9am
No fried or greasy food
Follow through with workout schedule
Liquid cals count
No fast food if preventable
5000 steps minimum
Never pass 1000 cals
10 cups of water or 2 full water bottles
Never vomit up food!!
Log all in take
My mom is making me eat out again I’m already fat enough why can’t she see that. I just want to be skinny. My stomach is 80cm around and it’s disgusting
Well I haven’t written on here in a while, I’m fucking fat now. 120 I think. We don’t keep a scale in the house anymore so I don’t know anymore. I wish my mom would just give up on me already. I just want to be skinny. I want to be skinny so so badly but nobody will let me. I want to workout and stop eating again but if I do I’ll be sent back to hospital again and they will tube me and force feed me I don’t want that. Nobody cares what I want. My legs are HUGE I’ll post measurements tomorrow but I think they are 70 cm around and that makes me feel sick. I want those twig legs and bony arms and beautiful collar bones. But nobody will let me I don’t know what to do.
I’m relapsing all over again. I haven’t eaten in days, and I’m shing I just want the pain to stop.
I have to eat takeout fat food, I feel like im going to throw up. I wish my family would let me just be skinny and perfect.
I have therapy today I’ll edit this later as an update on how that goes. I feel like shit today and I just want to sleep forever.
I’m back, tried to start over and recover but it didn’t go well. I can feel ana creeping back in, I’m smoking cigs again, and today I relapsed with my sh after a month and a half I don’t know how I’m going to tell my mom or anyone to be fair. I just want the pain to stop I just want it all to stop. Thank you for listening to my Ted talk
I’m not dead
In ed program probs gonna relapse and I’m already self harming go me/j
I’m at 114 and I want to die lmao
