Healing Is Not Linear

I’m April. I’m 32 and from Canada. I am a trauma survivor, and hope to offer support and validation to other trauma survivors. Please read my pinned post for more info. My personal is aprilthebookqueen

[traumasurvivors]

Hi, I’m April!

32 • Canada • Married • Dog mom to my mastiff, Kumi

I created this blog to cope with my trauma, and it’s now a space for validation, resources, and community support for survivors

About This Blog:

Mostly positive and validating trauma posts

Resources, info, and reminders are for any trauma survivor

Check out my Trauma Website for guides, validation, and coping ideas.

Trauma FAQ: [link]

Tags I use so you can filter them out if you want are: 'april answers' for asks, 'allaboutapril' for personal posts and 'april's poetry' for poetry.

Trauma Content on Other Platforms

Trauma Survivors Facebook: [Here]

Trauma Survivors Instagram: [Here]

Other Blogs & Projects:

BPD Blog: @borderlinereminders (Post general communication and emotional regulation advice too)

Disability Positivity: @disabilityreminders

General Positivity: @somepositivityforyou

Cute Animals: @nothingbutadorableanimals

Activities & Coping Tools: @traumasurvivorsactivities

Awards: @youdeserveanaward

Main/Personal: @aprilthebiqueen

Fidget Toy Business: @flappyhappystim

Ask Guidelines:

I love asks for validation, advice, or peer support, but I can’t answer everything

I don’t answer diagnostic questions (like “Do I have PTSD?”)

Please know I may clear my inbox sometimes to protect my mental health

About My Approach to Asks I try to answer even difficult or hurtful asks with compassion because that’s the tone I want for this blog. I assume good faith, knowing that if an ask wasn’t in good faith, responding kindly still denies them the reaction they were hoping for.

If an ask genuinely upsets me, I block and delete it. I only respond to the ones I feel safe answering. So if you see me reply to something that seems harsh, know that I’m okay and I’m choosing to handle it this way intentionally.

Optional Support (a couple people have asked): [Ko-fi link] | [My Fidget Toy Business] (never expected, always appreciated!)

[traumasurvivors]

If you've spent years asking yourself whether your trauma was "bad enough," I hope you'll begin asking yourself a different question instead. How did it affect me? Because that's the question that I found led to my healing.

You never needed to win a competition you didn't know you were competing in. Your pain was never required to reach some invisible threshold before it deserved compassion.

What happened to you mattered because it mattered to you. And that's enough.

Find Me Elsewhere: Facebook | Instagram | My Trauma Website

[writingwithapril]

The Weight We Carry Outline

I've had a few people ask how my upcoming trauma book is coming along, so I thought I'd share my current table of contents!

Like my BPD book, I'm using years of existing writing as a foundation, then expanding, combining, reorganizing, and adding a lot of brand new material to turn it into a cohesive book. Every chapter also includes new reflection questions, activities, Recovery Toolkit additions, and more.

The built from use the titles of blog posts on my website (www.fortraumasurvivors.com) that I am using as a base for the chapters, or to take ideas from. I noted (website pages) for ones that aren't coming from blog posts, but pages on my website.

I'd like to note that I am building on these blog posts. For example, the Intimacy After Trauma blog post was 1,800 words and the final chapter is 5,800. I am using my blog posts as starting points. I put a lot of work into my blog posts, but for an actual book chapter, they're lacking lol.

Key

[Done] = Rough draft complete (awaiting final edits)

[Writing] = Currently writing

[Planning Complete] = Chapter outlined and relevant blog posts noted

[Planned] = Planned, but not yet developed

I'll come back and edit and update this post as stuff is completed, or planning changes, etc.

The Weight We Carry

[Done] Author's Note

[Done] Introduction

[Planned] My Story (Brief chapter about where I'm coming from when I write this book.)

Part One: Understanding Trauma

[Done] Chapter 1: What Trauma Actually Is Built from: About Trauma (website page)

[Done] Chapter 2: Does My Trauma Count? Built from: Was It Bad Enough?, Trauma Imposter Syndrome

[Planning Complete] Chapter 3: Different Types of Trauma Drawing from: Specific Trauma Experiences (website page), Medical Trauma, Parentification, and maybe some of Grooming in Adult Relationships (I also have more planned to describe different types of trauma such as other trauma experiences and types of abuse. It's just not "pre written")

[Planning Complete] Chapter 4: How Trauma Can Affect the Brain and Body Drawing from: The Subtle Ways Trauma Can Show Up in Everyday Life

[Planning Complete] Chapter 5: Why People Respond Differently Drawing from: Trauma Responses (website page), personal stories

[Planning Complete] Chapter 6: Trauma Misconceptions Drawing from: Trauma Misconceptions (website page), Victim Blaming, Grooming in Adult Relationships

Part Two: Living With Trauma

[Planning Complete] Chapter 7: Flashbacks Drawing from: Flashbacks, Managing Flashbacks (website pages)

[Planning Complete] Chapter 8: Triggers Drawing from: Managing Triggers (website page), Triggers (website page), Why Triggers Aren't Failures

[Planned] Chapter 9: Hypervigilance

[Planning Complete] Chapter 10: Dissociation Drawing from: Dissociation, Managing Dissociation (website pages)

[Planning Complete] Chapter 11: Nightmares Drawing from: Nightmares, Managing Nightmares (website pages)

[Planning Complete] Chapter 12: Hypersexuality & Sex Repulsion Drawing from: Hypersexuality & Sex Repulsion

[Writing] Chapter 13: Missing an Abuser Drawing from: Why Do I Love and/or Miss My Abuser?, Trauma Bonding, You Can Understand the Abuse and Still Miss Them, Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships

[Planning Complete] Chapter 14: Shame & Guilt Drawing from: Guilt & Shame (website page), Why Trauma Can Make You Feel Dirty

[Planning Complete] Chapter 15: Self-Blame Drawing from: What if I Caused the Abuse?, The Weight of Self-Blame, Why Childhood Abuse Is Never Your Fault

[Planned] Chapter 16: Avoidance

[Planned] Chapter 17: Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn

[Planning Complete] Chapter 18: Anger After Trauma Drawing from: The Validity of Anger in Your Healing Journey, To the Abuse Survivors Who Are Still Angry

[Planning Complete] Chapter 19: Grieving What Was Lost Drawing from: Grieving the Childhood You Didn't Get, Embracing Your Inner Child, Who You Were Before Trauma (Important to note that while my blog posts pulled from are focused on childhood, this chapter will focus on more than that since a lot of people have trauma later in life and I want to include them. I just don't have prewritten content for that and need to write that from scratch.)

Part Three: Relationships After Trauma

[Planning Complete] Chapter 20: Trust Drawing from: Trust & Attachment (website page), Don't Tell Me I'm Lucky

[Planning Complete] Chapter 21: Boundaries Drawing from: Boundaries (website page), Creating & Enforcing Boundaries, Please Don't Touch Me, When a Third Party Is Used to Get Around Your Boundaries, Are They Trying to Manipulate Me?

[Planning Complete] Chapter 22: Healthy Communication Drawing from: You're Allowed to Be Hurt Even if They Didn't Mean It

[Planned] Chapter 23: People Pleasing

[Planned] Chapter 24: Dating After Trauma

[Done] Chapter 25: Intimacy After Trauma Built from: Navigating Sex After Trauma, Hypersexuality & Sex Repulsion, personal experiences, and substantial new material

[Planning Complete] Chapter 26: Talking About Trauma Drawing from: The Stigma of Talking About It, How to Tell a Loved One About Your Trauma

[Planned] Chapter 27: Feeling Like a Burden

[Planning Complete] Chapter 28: Supporting Someone with Trauma Drawing from: How to Listen to Someone Talk About Their Trauma

Part Four: Coping, Healing & Moving Forward

[Planning Complete] Chapter 29: Grounding Techniques Drawing from: Grounding Techniques, 5-4-3-2-1

[Planned] Chapter 30: Panic Attacks

[Planning Complete] Chapter 31: Safe Spaces Drawing from: Create a Safe Space

[Planning Complete] Chapter 32: Self-Care Boxes Drawing from: Make a Self-Care Box

[Planning Complete] Chapter 33: Types of Therapy Drawing from: DBT Skills, Tips & Questions for Finding a Therapist

[Planned] Chapter 34: Journalling

[Planned] Chapter 35: Flashback Plans

[Planning Complete] Chapter 36: Crisis Plans Drawing from: Make a Crisis Plan

[Planning Complete] Chapter 37: Traumaversaries Drawing from: Trauma Around the Holidays, Navigating Traumaversaries

[Writing] Chapter 38: Why Healing Can Feel Harder Than Before Drawing from: Why Do I Feel Worse After I'm Finally Safe?, Healing in Secret, Why Calm Can Feel Wrong After Chaos, When Healing Feels Boring (And Why That's Actually Good)

[Writing] Chapter 39: The Reality of Healing Drawing from: Healing Isn't Fair and It's Okay to Admit That, The Myth of Fully "Moving On", Forgiveness & Healing

[Planned] Chapter 40: Building a Life After Trauma

[Planned] Chapter 41: A Letter to You

[traumasurvivors]

For those that don't know yet, this is a book I'm working on! Using a lot of my written blog posts and new content. You can follow my writing blog for updates. Here is the planned outline so far!

[traumasurvivors]

Some of us aren’t strong. We survived because there was no alternative. The only way through was… through.

But it’s okay if we aren’t one of the strong ones. We are still just as valuable and deserving of credit and support for surviving.

(And before anyone comes on here to tell me that I’m wrong and I’m strong, that’s not your place. I’m not strong. And I don’t say that as a bad thing. I’m okay with it and admitting it has allowed me to heal. It isn’t a moral failing to not be strong.)

[traumasurvivors]

Love seeing this in my notes again!

Just want to say a reminder that I’m not saying trauma survivors as a whole aren’t strong, but that we have a right to decide if we personally consider ourselves strong or not. Every time this turns up in my notes again, I get a comment or ask telling me off.

And to those of us who don’t feel strong, then you deserve to know that’s okay! You’re still valid and worthy of love, support and healing.

Like is it my instinct to think someone else is strong even if they don’t feel it? Yes, absolutely. But as someone on the other side, I don’t think it’s up to me to disagree with their feelings. And for me, what helped me was thinking it’s okay to not be strong rather than convince myself I am strong. Everyone is different though. If this rubs you wrong, then the post isn’t for you.

[traumasurvivors]

The truth is, trauma isn't something you earn by surviving the worst thing imaginable. It isn't measured against someone else's experiences, and there isn't an invisible line you have to cross before you're "allowed" to call what happened to you traumatic.

Find Me Elsewhere: Facebook | Instagram | My Trauma Website

[traumasurvivors]

When will the trauma book be available?

Hi anon!

There is still a lot of writing to be done. I'll have a better estimate once it's written and the editing is being done, but my best guess at this point is late 2026 or early 2027!

I'll try and post updates here, but I'll be sharing a lot more updates on my blog for my books. @writingwithapril

[traumasurvivors]

Can you be hypersexual but also asexual/sex repulsed?

Absolutely! A lot of people are both, or fluctuate between the two.

There are no rules for this, and you aren't alone in this. Whatever your experience with hypersexuality, sex repulsion or both is valid.

[traumasurvivors]

any chance you can share the sex chapter? i really like the blog post and i'd love to see what you added. i imagine publishing is months away and i'm impatient lol

Here you go, anon!

Please note that this has not been edited by me, nor my husband! In other words, please don't hold little mistakes against me lol. (You're valid to point them out if you want, but I'd like it to really be noted this is an extremely rough draft.)

[writingwithapril]

One chapter, and an Author's Note done out of... 40 expected chapters for The Weight We Carry.

I thought that would be an easy chapter to start on since I had written a good blog post on it. Navigating Sex After Trauma. I thought it would mostly be a copy and paste. Haha, I was very wrong.

I wanted to expand on it a lot for the book so I think it ended up 2-3x a long with some structural changes.

That was a chapter that I think required a lot more care so I don't think that they'll all be so challenging and long to write. Probably a great one to start on though!

[traumasurvivors]

Oof, perspective. My original blog post is 1,825 words. The chapter is... 5,830 words. Some of those are headings and reflection questions and an added activity. This did take a few hours though... Dang.

[traumasurvivors]

Healing doesn't have to mean getting the old you back. Sometimes healing means building something new instead.

[traumasurvivors]

Trauma may change what intimacy looks like, but it doesn't make closeness, trust, laughter, affection, or love impossible.

[traumasurvivors]

Navigating Sex After Trauma

Many people who have been through trauma are extremely hesitant about sexual activity.

I'm turning this into a chapter in my book. Some new sections in the book chapter are: It's Okay to Change Your Mind, Desire vs Obligation, There Is No Timeline, Grieving Changes Your Relationship With Sex, If You're the Partner of a Trauma Survivor, Reflection Questions, and an Optional Activity (Building an Aftercare Plan) I've also expanded the sections on consent, and broken after into 'aftercare' ideas but then also talking about unexpected feelings afterwards.

That said, I do really like the article on this I wrote, so I'm sharing it again! (The consent page link no longer works I will say though sadly.)

[writingwithapril]

borderlineremindersbook _--> writingwithapril This is to include that this blog is now about two books.

My first book, Too Much & Not Enough: Surviving and Living with BPD, is a compassionate, practical guide to understanding Borderline Personality Disorder through both lived experience and evidence-based coping strategies.

My second book, The Weight We Carry: Surviving and Living After Trauma, which explores trauma, healing, relationships, and recovery with the same honest, conversational approach.

The first is not available yet. It's still going through edits with my husband, but I am done with it!

I tag each book accordingly when making posts so you can filter out one if you don't want to see it. The tags are below in this post.

[traumasurvivors]

Hmm, thinking of the title

The Weight We Carry: Surviving and Living After Trauma

So far, I have laid out all the current chapters I have planned with their headings and general formatting, and wrote an author's note. The layout of a book in microsoft is the part I hate the most, so getting that out of the way makes this feel so much more doable. Not bad for about an hour and a half of work!

[traumasurvivors]

I have several hours today free to work on this so I’m gonna settle in with some coffee and see what I can do!

[traumasurvivors]

I may or may not be 'plagiarizing' myself. I just went through every blog post I wrote on my website to note down blog posts that I can use as a skeleton/idea in chapters. And came up with some new chapter ideas too. I'll obviously be editing them and making them book ready, but it's nice to not be starting from scratch.

[traumasurvivors]

Is it normal to not want to engage with books and content about trauma healing etc after an attempt to heal and seek help? Because when I've tried everything went well for like almost year (still had episodes where I was depressed but it was still manageable) but after severely spiraling for months everything went downill. Since then I can't even read or watch content about healing trauma etc because they trigger me

I think almost anything is 'normal', anon. Trauma and healing are complicated. There is no right or wrong when it comes to what triggers you. Triggers just are.

I'm sorry it's a trigger for you. If me talking about my book is a trigger, I will be tagging it 'The Weight We Carry'.

(Also, unsure if this means you follow me but it's also okay to unfollow if you are feeling trigger about the content I post. I don't really look at the follower count or anything like that and think it's valid to unfollow and follow as you want!)

[traumasurvivors]

Hmm, thinking of the title

The Weight We Carry: Surviving and Living After Trauma

So far, I have laid out all the current chapters I have planned with their headings and general formatting, and wrote an author's note. The layout of a book in microsoft is the part I hate the most, so getting that out of the way makes this feel so much more doable. Not bad for about an hour and a half of work!