My trip to GA was definitely a blessing in disguise. Most of our time was spent in the car commuting back and forth to our destinations. These commutes were at least 40 minutes apart, so you pretty much had all the time in the world to talk about anything really. I usually hate car rides due to major car sickness, but surprisingly I enjoyed every second of the commutes. Honestly, it was probably because I was accompanied by a good friend.
There was a specific time when he and I dove into a serious talk about life. Well, let me first back track. Previous to our conversation in the car, we’ve already talked about our struggles in life through message. He’s always been very upfront, transparent and open about anything, and that’s what I adore about him. Me on the other hand, I’m more hesitant and only share enough to go by. lol. There were times when he would ask for prayer requests, and I’ve shared a bit with him how I’m still wanting that peace from a previous heartbreak. Fast forward to us in the car, my buddy genuinely asked me “How are you, Lastly? Found peace yet?”. And I had told him that you can’t just find peace overnight. It’s going to take some time. I wasn't expecting a response from him. If anything, I honestly just thought he was going to give me a typical sappy answer and move onto the next topic. But instead he replied back with, "You don't wait for peace. You look for it." In that moment, I just wanted to bawl my eyes out. (Don't worry, I didn't though! Lol!) I literally just sat there in silence for a good moment and said “Yeah.” Sometimes a phrase can leave such a weight on your heart that it makes you speechless. In my case it was the most simple phrase ever, and yet it left the deepest impression on me.
I’ve been moping for a year now over my past relationship that I held very dear to my heart. I’ve asked for peace countless of times, and signs for me to proceed with life. I guess you can say I was waiting for an extravagant answer from God to fully move on. Just like when Elijah (1 Kings 19) was at his lowest. God didn't approach Elijah through a spectacular encounter. He instead spoke to Elijah through a simple soft whisper. I’m sure that aside from the things He told Elijah to do, God also reassured him that he was not alone. Whatever was said gave Elijah peace to move onward with his journey. Now my buddy wasn't a divine presence but his simple words were for sure, and I KNOW what he said was God’s nudge for me to move on. I’ve been in my own self pity for too long.
"You don't wait for peace. You look for it."
That was the truth that I've been avoiding this whole time. No one likes to hear the truth, because Honesty has a bad connotation of being hurtful. But I've come to realize that Honesty isn't trying to hurt me. It's trying to heal me.
What hurt the most was how quick he ran to someone else. That I can never understand and comprehend. But I give God so much credit for allowing my heart to still love him. He found his comfort and peace in someone else, but my God, what else is expected from a man that doesn’t have a relationship with You? I am so ready to move on and accept God’s blessings. And when I say move on, I mean going forwards not with bitterness and anger, but with love and happiness for him, her, and myself.
Father, thank You for giving me clarity in the midst of the heartbreak. Thank You for showing me the better things in life. I thought that what I had was good, but what is truly good will ALWAYS work out for Your glory.
Brothers and sisters, I ask that you pray for me to continue on to seek and pursue peace. And not peace of this world, but peace of God.
snowghoul
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
vaporwave
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