Gramophone

ع الرف جراموفون.. يعمل يدويًا بالمنافلة..

[lastoadri]

I hope I don't screw it this time.

I hope it works, because I want it to.

I hope I accept me as I am and take it easy with myself.

I hope to stop stressing about the unknowns and expecting the worst.

I hope I can realize when I need to continue and when to shutup.

I hope I forgive myself if it didn't work out at the end, and have the capacity to start it all again.

I hope.. I really hope, it would work out this time.

[lastoadri]

I woke up and felt extra melancholic today. I have alot on my plate for this week and I feel already tired..

I also woke up to 3 rejections and a response that did not show up yet.

I know this phase will be a thing of the past so soon.. but now, I want to cry.

[aforeignobject-deactivated20240]

والنبي بقى يا شيخة والنبي

[lastoadri]

Self distractive behavior..

[lastoadri]

قول للزمان إرجع..

رجع..

[lastoadri]

سألت نرمين النهاردة "ليه؟".. قالت لي "عشان ربنا لم يرد"..

ممتنة لأصدقائي اللي دايما بيفكروني إنه مافيش صدفة..

[lastoadri]

"It is hard not to talk about something, that is constantly on your mind."

[lastoadri]

Let it go..

Let it be..

[lastoadri]

I need to stop explaining myself..begad!

[lastoadri]

I also need to stop talking.. I talk too much and change my opinions too fast..

[lastoadri]

I don't like going through my old stuff and writings in this phase of my life.

Sometimes I see how stupid I was. Some other times I see how narrow sighted I was. It makes me feel ashamed, and it makes me want to slap that version of me to wake up. But it is what it is. There is no use of looking back at things and wishing you can change them. Actually I don't want to anymore. I only wish my future self do not hate me too.. I am doing myself. I hope that my best is enough for her to forgive me when she can, while she can..

I am now trying to forgive my past self, but I know how hard it feels sometimes.. I hope it won't stay that hard 10 years from now.

[lastoadri]

I miss an old friend one tiny bit more tonight..

[lastoadri]

Dear Blog,

Disclaimer: It might happen that I may come back to you in few weeks time crying my luck.. and lashing my stupidity. That's Okay. Try to remind me that this was my decision and that it will pass. It will be Okay eventually. I will be Okay eventually.. Life will go on. We must move on. We don't have too many years to waste.

Only, if only..

[lastoadri]

I don't know how many times I will keep repeating how weird life is. My life. How weird things are going. How uncertain things seems to be. How I can not Invision my life a year from now.

It used to be simpler before. Yet don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. Actually I am the furthest from that.. But, I am describing a phase I feel intrigued about, and kind of enjoying it's rollercoaster in every little aspect of my life simultaneously and enthusiastic to see how it might turn out to be. It all happened when I decided to say "yes" to whatever came my way.. even to experiences I knew that they won't pass through. As Amal told me, it will eventually add up to the book of experiences which we are going to jointly write one day.. who knows?..

I want to read this post again.. a year from now.

[lastoadri]

الدنيا دي بجد عجيبة قوي..

[shakhabata]

[lastoadri]

Do you know when you want something so badly that you would cry?

I want something so badly that I would cry.. this is the persisting feeling I have for the past 7 months.. and still.