[ NSFW!!!!! ] Change to fit your muse & pronouns
“I’m not even supposed to be here today!”
“You come in on your day off, you assume responsibility that isn’t yours - you buckle like a belt.”
“I don’t know if you know this or not, but cum leaves streaks if you don’t clean it right away.”
“You’re a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you’re cute as hell.”
“I’ll fuck anything that MOVES!!!!”
“Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement.”
“Buncha savages in this town… ”
“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.”
"Hey, I’m a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.”
“I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal.”
“Doesn’t that mother fucker owe me 10 bucks? You know, fuckin’ tonight, we’re gonna rip off this fucker’s head, and tear out his fuckin’ soul.”
"Hey, what’s up babes? What’s up, sluts?”
"37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!”
“I mean aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. I mean that’s what high school was about, algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.”
"It’s important to have a job that makes a difference. That’s why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.”
“Did he say ‘making fuck?’”
“I hope it feels so good to be right. There’s nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?”
“What do you mean there’s no ice? You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot?“
“Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that came out last year?”
“You’re living in denial and suppressing rage, motherfucker!“
"You men make me feel sick. You’ll sleep with anything that says ‘yes.’”
“Will you let me maintain some semblance of managerial control here?”
“All I’m sayin’ is, if you’re gonna be insubordinate, you might as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.”
"I hate it when people can’t shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines.”
“I don’t even see how you can romanticize your relationship with her. She broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles.”
"If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn’t be allowed to spit water at that guy. But I did.”
“People dictate their own behavior.”
"You are a danger to both the dead and the living.”
“People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl ‘Mom.’”
“I’m stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages.”
“I’m working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet, and I smell like shoe polish.”
“My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks.”
“She’ll get over fucking a dead guy, my mom’s been fucking a dead guy for 30 years. I call him ‘dad.’”
“I don’t care if she’s my cousin or not, I’m gonna knock those boots again tonight.“
“He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.”
“What kind of convenience store do you run here?”
“I rented Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.”
“I’m offering you my body and you’re offering me semantics.”
“’Empire’ had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader’s his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that’s what life is, a series of down endings. All ‘Jedi’ had was a bunch of Muppets.”
“My friend here’s trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels.”
“There you go again trying to pass the buck. *I’m* the source of all your misery.”
“Who tried to win back his ex-girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one? You wanna blame somebody? Blame yourself.”
"Nobody twisted your arm to be here today. You’re here of your own volition.”
“You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulders. Like this place would fall apart if you weren’t here.”
"You overcompensate for having what’s basically a monkey’s job. You push fucking buttons. Anybody can waltz in here and do our jobs!”
“We look down on them as if we’re so advanced. Well, if we’re so fucking advanced, what are we doing working here?”
“I had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me is weed and shit.”
“There’s a million fine looking girls in the world. But they don’t all bring you lasagna to work. Most of them just cheat on you.”
origamiaround
turnnoffyourmind
snowghoul
dededos
gummygunk
areudirty
pixelskylines
kaledo-art
