And then I laughed

Thoughts are both my prison and my refuge.

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Jazz, Wine, and Poetry. 

Medicine for the lonely at heart <3

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Compliments

While getting of the train after an incredibly long day, I looked around my neighborhood and realized I loved it. People were on the street, the sun was low in the sky. Warm, more like an urban movie set. I was in my own world trying not to bump into anyone, when I noticed this nicely dressed Black man behind me. I try to hurry so that he doesn't think that I'm slowing down to get his attention. This continues for a block or so. Eventually he comes beside me and say your hair is really pretty.

Now this really isn't that big of a deal, but my springy nappy twist out was ecstatic. A return to the root of who we are perhaps? 

Nappy and Proud

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The Beginning of the End

It has been close to a month since I've arrived from Ghana. Believe it or not it has taken me this long to understand what I had just experienced. When I first came back I felt very uncomfortable. As if I had just woken up from a dream about a utopian world of no pain or responsibilities. Disembarking the plane in D.C. was when I was greeted  by reality and heartbreak.

So a month later, in my new Chicago apartment, I feel/believe/see the blessings in my life. Proud of the growth I’ve undergone as a person. Excited for what has yet to come. I recognize the love of family even if we don’t always understand each other. I'm aware of the importance of friends who are positive and dependable.

And in regards to the state of Black/African Americans (descendants of slavery) we truly have a long way to go. In a world that encourages the constant shedding of an ethnic identity, we are too often the first to do so. Having the opportunity to witness firsthand the slave castles and full proof evidence they took the best of best (because only the best would have been able to survive such a horrific passage) is a cry for help. How did such a strong people with an amazing song stray as far as we have?

Let us not forget but remember, and continue.

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Things I wont miss

Ants running across the computer screen as I type.

Mosquito bites that scab over and leave scars up and down my legs.

Lack of cheese

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Random Thoughts

I think to travel the world is truly a skill. I'm not sure if I would ever be able to go from place to place with no emotions or feelings. I came to Ghana trying to discover what my mission in life is and learn to let go of the past. For the most part this mission has been accomplished.

The human error of my summer has been honesty. Not just on the part of others but perhaps myself as well. At times I have foolishly fought everything inside of me to  have an experience that I believe I need or deserve. And in all cases the others involved prove to me why i should have let that one go. At my expense of course and often through lying.

My impatience has made me to rush into less than perfect relationships time and time again. I think I should learn to be patient or continue to be disappointed. Not in all aspects of my life, but some.

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With one week to go...

With one week to go I'm filled with so many mixed feelings. I'm excited to be connected with my family/close friends, to hug my mommy, to sleep with my cat, and eat cheese. But I'm devastated to leave all of the amazing people I have met here. The question now is how do I maintain this happiness and equilibrium when I return home? Yoga or meditation? Read the bible everyday? Sob while I look at pictures of Ghana? I'll take the last option.

Without a doubt there has been some culture shock, but not nearly as much what I think will happen when I return. It's all good though. My view of the world has changed greatly. I don't always agree with how my proffessors teach but the wisdom they have shared has me all topsy turvy.

The people here, not just Ghanaians, but from all over are soo special. I hope I stay connected with them always.

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My Rainy Month Fund

Though I never like to admit it whenever anything crazy happens in my life my first instinct is to run.  Though I hardly ever get the chance to do so. Coming to Ghana has revealed to me the surreal feeling of being abroad. No true connection to your home or responsibilities, just straight chilling. Like your on some reality tv show or something.

When I get bored or just want to make my life more interesting I act like the International Student Hostel is a season the real world. In all honesty they should make it one. I don't want to be on it though.

Anyways back to my point, I'm starting a rainy month fund. A fund which will allow me to escape for a month when life just gets to become tooo much. Like that unbearable crying every day kind. Just so I can go, put my head  back on straight and dance. For a month.

Any takers?

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No Need for Viagara

Today my social delivery systems class visited Kama pharmaceutical company. It was founded by a Ghanaian man who went to school in the U.S and brought his business back home. He is now providing pharmacies with medicine for a decent price and giving scholarships to needy individuals in rural villages. From the little time spent with him he appeared to be a lot of fun and genuine.

In the beginning of his presentation he went on about how Ghana was the most amazing place on earth that acted like a magnet for those who came to visit. His proof was a girl who came and fell in love. Refusing to return home until her parents and Universities called their lawyers and forced her return immediately. Only by force was she able to leave. I thought for a moment of the reaction of my family if I were to not board my flight next week. I have no idea what they would do. So, Mom if your reading this. I'm not coming home. I know this is slightly awkward for all involved.

Lol I wouldn't dare. I'm totally kidding.(this is really the only way I communicate with anyone back home)

Any who so  back to the guys presentation. There are these long chains of beads that  women wear around their waists. He claimed that these beads were so amazing that they if put on a young girl she would grow up to have an S shaped body. A step further, the mere sound of the jingling beads would have men lining up. With no need for Viagara. Hhaha sooo uncomfortable.

I bought a pack of ten.

Okay I'm done

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My Feminist Thought

As soon as women can truly come together and stop selling each other out for the fleeting attention of men, there will be no more need for feminism. The men will know whats up.

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I love this place

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Champs

I'm gonna try something new and give a rundown of my night out. As usual I'm such a weirdo about everything in life. Blowing the world out of proportion. Last night the plan was for us to go to Champs, this restaurant/bar place to sing karaoke. At first I was crazy into it, but then I realized that its a place for tourist and mostly serves an older white crowd. My thought was, why would I pay 10 cedi to hang out with a group of ppl that I don't even at home?

After mad fussing, and a promise that we would go somewhere else I get ready and we all headed out to leave. The tactics people use to get me to do things is unbelievable. As we walk out the door, comes the announcement that we are actually going because everyone will be there. Poor Zion, she puts up with so much from me. I pouted the entire walk across the field, not having it, only to get into the cab.

I must have a horrible gage (or however you spell it) of how nights will go because it actually ended up being sooo much fun. With the lights turned down low and decent music playing the place sort of transformed.  I really like to dance and more specifically alone. I kept doing that annoying tossing of the hair thing because I didn't have a hair tie. Being so dramatic I scratched a layer of skin on my forehead off. Very unattractive.

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Girls Night Out!!!

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Favorite picture ever!

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Universally Men don't Understand

The first things most of the girls noticed when we came was the way men and women interacted. Well more importantly how men pursued us foreigners. Aggressively but a little sweeter than in the U.S. A smile and a million follow up questions about what we were doing here. The entire time hand in hand or on the shoulder. Some type of touching is involved. As opposed to the "Baby, how you doing can I get yo number?" Last week when the girls and I went to Ethiopian food we talked about how the Ghanaian men were raising the standard for the rest and how we should be treated in the states. At first I agreed wholeheartedly! Here I was a beautiful queen greeting her subjects each day with a sly smile. At home I was the brown thick girl. Not easily able to separate lust from love. Eventually I realized its the same story just wrapped a little differently. During the past week we traveled up north. The first day one of the girls was groped at the waterfall. Three days later my friend and I were in the middle of a market. Out in the open in front of everyone. Where is the standard? Yesterday one of the guys that always make me laugh with his crazy antics (such as the claim that he saw me walk off the bus the first day and knew instantly I had good vibes) had a very interesting book on his bed. The gynecological guide to women. I doubt it told him to fill out an application for my heart but he is doing it anyway. I just wonder where men learned to do/say such ridiculous things. And why did we start believing and liking the mess? My real questions is what do I think is the proper way to court a women? Whatever it is, men don't understand.

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The Best of Me

Time and time again the world proves me wrong. The queen of drastic decisions, I jump to conclusions constantly in order to protect myself. Foolishly believing I'm a step ahead, instead of the self-fulfilling prophecy I truly am. As of now I'm attempting to seek the best in people. Dramatic as this may sound, coming to Ghana with 30 other strangers to stay and live with for six weeks has been one of the most rewarding experiences I've had thus far. Those who know me know that underneath my constantly smiling face and friendly demeanor is one that is very suspicious of the motives of others. Trust issues that go beyond making friends but even at times people in authority. Rooting from my the occasionally horrible experience in high school I adopted an unrealistic me against the world attitude. Blaming of course everyone else for not recognizing the gem within myself. Ghana has taught me otherwise. Letting me know that I'm not as fierce as I pretend to be. I want to open up giving everyone a fair chance. Not judging them on past experience of those who have wronged me. In the same breath I have come to terms with everything that has happened thus far in my life. Forgiving those who hurt me beyond words, at times literally taking away my spirit. The day we drove to Cape Cost I prayed the entire time. Asking God to speak through the ancestors and lead me in my path. As weird as this may sound to some, I felt it was one of the first things I needed to do in the country of my origin. A sort of paying of homage to those who died and survived the horrific journey of the middle passage. I think they told me to let it all go. Leave the pain and take the lesson learned. No longer is my burden to carry the emotional pain/suffering of those before me or even in my walk. But to instead allow god to smile through me. And I'm doing just that. I hope that from now on, in all that I do I offer the best of me. Not the battered, scorned or bitter. The best of me, the cream of crop ensuring that there is nothing left to winds of shoulda coulda woulda. The best of me.

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Out and About...

Last Thursday I went to this club Aphrodisiac. It was much nicer than a lot of the clubs in Chicago. The dance floor was freezing, which was good because you know a girl was working up a sweat dancing. Beautiful people were everywhere, towering above me in their stiletto heels. In my black/white sundress and embellished sandals I was beyond under dressed. I don't know how/why they let me in. But of course you know a girl got it like that ;)

My friend and I danced all night long.  I think my moves made up for the fact that I looked crazy. On Saturday the group went to  Ada beach which was also a lot of fun. We took a boat down the river. Joe kept teasing us that we were going to where the ocean and river met. When we did that in Papua New Guinea it was horrific. Thank god it was a joke.

Last night me and a few of the other Black American girls went to eat Ethiopian food, which was also amazing. I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating everything but I'm on sensory overload. I really enjoyed eating from one plate. Made me feel a certain kind of way ;)

This weekend we are traveling around Ghana. Pray for safe travels.

More to come

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Black American

There is this little spot I like to go to. Sort of like a cafe, it mostly serves breakfast food. They have an amazing iced coffee that reminds me of the coffee milk my Granny used to make me. Often I will go by myself, attempting to blend in and perpetrate like I'm Ghanaian.  Everyone knows what I really am though.

This morning, a man came and sat next to me. The first thing that he said was, "Black American, am I right?". Since I cant speak twi without an accent I had to admit. We began talking and he told me a little about himself; Ashanti, a law student, used to be in the seminary, and wanted to marry a Black American. The last bit was a shocker. I asked him why, and he said our complexion was a beautiful mix of the races. White and Black coming together, Beyonce was proof of this.

The idea that we are a mixed race is one that for many Americans is foreign. We usually see ourselves as just black, nothing but a color. After first coming to Ghana this stuck with me even more though it eventually went away. Where do I fit in the world? Can I really be classified as African without any designation of a country, ethnic group, or language? But what does America even mean? And after years of being here, I highly doubt that my people have finally completely assimilated.  Why aren't we considered a separate ethnic group with our own culture, music, food, and language?  For once can we make claim to the contributions we have made to American society? Jazz anyone?

We are the original tragic mixed race. Created through hate and oppression we have still been able to overcome it all. The problem now is that we have forgotten where we came from in our attempt to assimilate. We have let so many of our children follow false prophets and worldly idols. Since being here I have prayed for answers about my next move. I'm trying to free people that don't even know they are imprisoned.