[valtsv]

me every time my fave gets into a situation that should get them killed but the writers let them live

[thebootydiaries]

me: im adorable like im literally the cutest person in every room i walk into

me 4 seconds later: behold the trash lord

[rohie-deactivated20191102]

2 AM laying in bed thinking about everything i’ve ever done

[pr1nceshawn]

The Best ATM Withdrawal Defense

[alexanders-archives]

I’m here for women with powerful dogs!

[urocyonfox-deactivated20210104]

My land lady is a 90lb 88 year old woman with 5 full grown Rottweiler boys. They sit around her when she gardens and watch her like the secret service. If you show up to pay rent they all stand up and stand between you and her.

It’s intimidating to have 5 pony size boys all staring at you until she stands up realizes it’a you and walks to you.

My favorite part is she wades through them like swamp water saying in her cute old voice ‘move’ ‘move please’ and each one she nudges to move wags his whole body at her touch and stumbles out of the way like he’s been knocked over by a truck. It gives me life paying my rent.

[whitesunshine]

I’m really glad I was born with brown skin

[thebootydiaries]

Me: *withdrawing money from the atm*

Girl Scouts posted up across the ATM: Wassup playa!!!

Me: OH SHIT!!!

[melonmemes]

[snorlaxatives]

no offense to people named aaron but who the fuck decided two a’s were necessary??? now i can’t converse with someone named aaron without calling them a-aron

[unculture]

not to be That Bitch but it’s another example of an anglicized disaster of a name from biblical hebrew, which was aharon and imo infinitely more badass than aaron others in this cursed category: elisheva (elizabeth), yirmiyahu (jeremy), mikha-el (michael), matisyahu (matthew), shoshana (susanna)

[snorlaxatives]

you really are that bitch huh i feel educated as fuck right now

[jewlikeruth]

Here I always thought the double a was a mistake caused by Moses having a stutter.

[purronronner]

Aron: Moses, my long-lost brother!

Moses: A-aron, it’s g-good to see you!

Aaron: well I guess that’s my name now

[anxietyproblem]

[mysimpsonsblogisgreaterthanyours]

[onlytwitterpics]

[owlapin]

MICROSOFT WORD HAS A FUCKING “INSERT CITATION” BUTTON WHY THE FUCK DID NO ONE EVER TELL ME THIS IS SIGNIFICANT INFORMATION FUCK THE SCHOOL SYSTEM THIS IS MICROSOFT WORD 2007 I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MADE AWARE OF THIS IN HIGHSCHOOL WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I HATE EVERYTHING

[owlapin]

you can fucking log your sources into your document and then at the end press a fucking button and it makes a bibliography page for you im

[owlapin]

im not even lying im so mad

[historianista-blog]

Posting to save a grad student’s life.

[ruinedchildhood]

[bloomflowersbloom]

[bloomflowersbloom]

im screaming once I was just staring at myself for 5 minutes convincing myself that i wasnt that drunk then i threw up and was like must of been the food i ate

[reshipped]

ME LMAO

[unpretty]

[officialsnakeplissken]

Neighbor boy knocked on my door. Often he needs his soccer ball inflated and asks me to use my air compressor. He’s holding a giant ass jar of minced garlic. And I’m like “So uh…what’s going on? We have Italian or what?”

“Umm. Umm. Grandma can’t open the jar and I’m not strong enough. Can you?”

So I open the jar. He runs back and spills the entire jar on the sidewalk.

[trashcanbees-deactivated2019120]

I’m the kid

[tredlocity]

Shrek might be a meme nowadays but that last part where Shrek and Fiona kiss, and Fiona remains an ogre and Shrek tells her it’s because she’s already beautiful is so good and was years ahead of its time.