I'm sure everyone has heard Beyoncé's song Who Runs the World? I chose that song as my intro because it amps me up and in some of the verses she references the power that we as women hold, 'women smart enough to make millions, strong enough to bear children'. Those things are absolutely true but we have to choose to use our power. Let me say that again, we have to choose to use our power. Society wants us to believe that we are inadequate or incapable of making sound choices for ourselves (Hello, men in Congress who are incapable of menstruating or bearing children deciding on women's reproductive rights). But, we are absolutely capable, in every area of our lives!
The moment we decide that we want something, we activate our power. This is your one life, if you don't create the life you want right now, you will not get another chance. We make tons of choices each day: will I brush my teeth (I hope so!); will I go on a date with this guy, will I save a portion of my paycheck? Some of our choices are mundane, others are life altering. Will I have this baby? Will I take this job and move across the country? Will I join the military? But, these choices are yours and mines to make. And indecision is also a choice and often times it leads to a less than desirable result. So, first thing decide what you want in life.
Next, you need to act. Take some action, one small step toward your goal every day. In order to take action, you need a plan. For me I find it easiest to write things down the old fashioned way with pen and paper (I'm an early Millennial and this is how we learned in school). Big decisions might require taking it to pen and paper making a list of pros and cons. For instance, when I'm deciding between two job offers, I take the information I have available like salary, location, benefits, paid time off and the company' reputation and list each item as a pro or con. Then I weigh what's important to me and I either accept or decline one or both job offers. Following that decision I list what I want from the job. I show up for work each day and work to attain a certain skillset, leadership position or income level.
Sometimes, as we're carrying out the plan we get bored or our expectations are no longer being met and what do we do...persevere. I've been in jobs and even relationship where I've stayed beyond the expiration date. Nina Simone said it best "you've got to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served." And that goes for any type of relationship, family (we don't get to choose them but you can certainly love from a distance), platonic relationships with other women - if they're jealous or want your life, you don't need that energy and they aren't doing you any justice. Lastly, in romantic relationships, if you are not happy or getting what you need or deserve - don't stay! I dated a guy once and though he was a nice guy things were missing. I could point to the things that I'd helped him with but I couldn't pinpoint how my life had improved during the relationship. He wasn't stimulating my mind with interesting conversation about current events, or books he read and he was indecisive. We talked about what was and wasn't working, nothing changed and ultimately we broke up. Because, I wasn't getting what I needed it made no sense to continue being unhappy for the sake of being in a relationship. I had to accept who he showed me he was and the nice guy just wasn't enough (that's a prerequisite in my book). I got confirmation on this from a blog I read called A Belle in Brooklyn, it's written by a former Essence magazine relationship editor, Demetria Lucas, and one of her posts said "just because he's a good guy doesn't make him a good guy for you". Check out her blog and her books A Belle in Brooklyn and Don't Waste your Pretty. Now, if you're in a job and "love" is no longer being served, you can't just give up or leave without consequences. So, you have to persevere until you can move on. During that period of perseverance you pray or follow your chosen spiritual practice, whether its Reiki or meditation, you do your best at your job and you take on a second job of finding a new job. Go to work from 9-5 and from 7-9 spend time re-writing your resume and applying to new jobs. But, you have to persevere. Keep doing the job you hold and don't let your performance suffer.
Lastly, with each victory or goal accomplished celebrate and reflect. Pat yourself on the back and remember how far you've come. Those victories build your courage and self confidence. The journey tests your mettle but you can do it! Decide what you want, create a plan to get it, take action, persevere when life gets tough and celebrate the victories - no matter how small. One last thing, I'm sure by now you can tell I like quotes so here's one to chew on, it was penned by Audrey Lorde, "if I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive." Ladies, activate your power through your choices.
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