warnings: death, seggsual jokes😏, mc bein a true chad, they could be possibly ooc
there was an attack. an unpredictable one, where mc had been cornered on an unsuspecting street. a demon— a hungry and vicious one at that— had taken one look at them and lunged at them. the demon left gashes and teeth marks all over their body, but bolted before they could finish the job; the ominous footsteps approaching the scene had scared them into not finishing their meal.
MC is left bleeding out, laying on the cool cobblestone within the alleyway. one cough spews blood into the air, causing MC to slightly choke on the crimson liquid pooling in the back of their throat. their hearing fades in and out, as does their vision; the sight of the dark sky has frayed edges like a burnt photograph.
so this is it, they think to themselves.
muffled screams, the sound as if their head was underwater. the voice is one they recognize, a voice they’ve grown fond of.
he rushes over, dropping to his knees next to them. he had a feeling something would happen, but not even his gut instincts could prepare him for such a sight.
lucifer
- lucifer tries to keep calm, panic never helped a dying man. but there’s so much blood, is there a way to save them right now? his mind was racing a mile a minute, questions whirring past without answers.
- “lucifer,” MC coughs, blood dribbling from their lips, “there’s something i must tell you.”
- lucifer is quick to try and silence them,“MC you shouldn’t be wasting your breath-“
- “no, listen to me,” MC strains weakly, “lucifer i…i know you don’t wash your ass in the shower.”
- he’s taken aback by their comment. he almost doesn’t know what to say, they’re dying and now they’re talking about him washing his-
- “wha-“ he tries to speak, but they cut him off.
- “w-wash your ass, gross musty demon boy…”
- their pulse can no longer be found. and neither can lucifer’s dignity.
- when lucifer returns to the house of lamentation in a gloom and breaks the news to his brothers, all of them are devasted; completely broken.
- “lucifer, d-did they have any last words?” satan asks, trying to keep his voice steady.
- lucifer’s face darkens as he lowers his head, a red tint across his cheeks. he doesn’t dare answer.
- “lucifer? tell me what they said.” satan urges.
- “….”
- satan is beginning to lose his patience, gritting his teeth, “what did they say?!”
- there is no way lucifer can actually tell them, but he knows they won’t stop asking until he reveals the truth. he’s conflicted.
- meanwhile, MC watches from beyond stifling a laugh. will lucifer ever be able to pass on their last message? they may have to spend eternity watching to see.
mammon
**i sent this one to @obeythebutler already but i wanna use it again because i can’t stop laughing at it**
- his human? that's his human? bleeding out in the alleyway? it doesn't feel real, this can't be real.
- words are flying out of his mouth faster than he can comprehend them. chants of their name, pleas for them to stay alive, stutters of disbelief. he wonders if he'd be able to get them human medical services in time, there's no way he's letting them die here! they're not dying on his watch.
-mammon's state of denial as he cradles their head in his lap almost causes him to miss their quiet voice. he gasps, straining to hold back his sob as he looks down at them.
- "mammon...i have something to say, before i-"
- "no MC don't talk! you'll choke-- oh god, it's so big! h-how-"
- MC cuts his ramblings short by calling his name. he instantly stops, his lip quivering and tears running down his cheeks. they cough, splatters of blood landing on their chin. and then, they smile.
- "that's what she said."
- the color fades from their eyes. the smile slowly falls, the muscles in their body in full relaxation. they're gone.
- mammon can feel a laugh bubbling in his esophagus, but what comes out is a mix of a sob and chuckle. they're dead, but even when dying they were funny. how unfortunate.
- mammon goes back to the house of lamentation that night, absolutely heartbroken. the moment keeps replaying in his mind, and the more he remembers it, the harder he cries. but a wobbly smile somehow always makes it's way onto his face at the killer delivery.
- he explains to his brothers what happened, violent sobs racking his body. the brothers are speechless, each of them processing the news in different ways. lucifer, as much as he wants to scold mammon and hang him by his feet, he simply asks if they had any last words.
- "t-they said...that's what she said!" mammon wails.
- belphie, who was trying to muffle his cries, instantly starts snickering. goddamnit, MC, he thinks.
- they watch from beyond, laughing at belphie's conflicted state. at least they left them with a lasting memory of how goated they are.
levi
- the rare time levi leaves his room, just to have his vision filled with the sight of MC's bloody body. no amount of video games could prepare him for this.
- he's almost scared to touch them, like contact from him would make it worse. the tears fall from his eyes before he can attempt to stop them. he's frozen. what is he supposed to do? they're dying!
- his eyes spot the giant gash on their stomach, causing the color to drain from his already pale face. this is a lot more than what ruri-chan bandaids can fix.
- "levi..." they cough, springing levi from his thoughts.
- "y-yes MC! i'm right here, i-it's gonna be okay!"
"levi...find candice." they weakly say.
- "c-candice? who's candice?" he asks with a watery voice.
- levi doesn't leave his room hOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO CANDICE IS??
- "f-find...candice." they repeat with a cough.
- "w-who's candice?!" he asks again, a bit frantic.
- "candice...weiner fit in your mouth." MC smiles, a chuckle taking up their last breath.
- levi sits there speechless, from both disbelief and disgust. he can't believe such a lame joke could be their last words, but at the same time he's ashamed he fell for it.
- his tears fall onto their cold skin like a light rain shower and his cheeks burn. how is he supposed to explain this to his brothers? it's both devastating and embarrassing!
- MC watches from beyond, a slight smirk sitting on their lips. they beat him at his own meme game. a victorious day indeed.
satan
- he's gonna rip them to shreds. whoever did this is not living to see another day. they did this to them...
- satan's wrath was boiling, rising to the surface. he holds MC in his arms, their cold body only making his heat to intense temperatures. he almost doesn't know what to say. there's nothing he could say to make this any better.
- he wracks his brain for any spells he remembers that can rapidly heal someone, but he struggles to remember the ingredients and incantations in his panicked state.
- "satan...it's okay." MC smiles weakly.
- "no! no, MC, this isn't okay at all!" he exclaims.
- he grits his teeth, trying to maintain his composure in front of them. his anger won't help right now, he knows this.
- "i'm gonna die. it's okay, satan."
- "how can you say that?" he practically whispers, a lump building in his throat.
- "listen please. i...need to say something." MC pleads with a cough.
- "stop...talking. please." satan screws his eyes shut, his cries being ignored.
- “i love you, satan. you...and you’re tiny peepee”
- his eyes fly open. they said what?
- they stop moving, their breath no longer able to be felt. satan feels so conflicted; on the one hand he feels completely devastated. on the other, he feels anger towards the demon who did this to them. and on the other other hand he feels offended that they called his dick small.
- the tears continue streaming down his face as he deadpans. that's not what you said last night, he thinks. he quickly shakes his head, no they just died! but my dick isn't small! goddamn you, MC.
- MC watches from beyond cackling. they can only imagine the thoughts going through satan's mind, they can practically hear them all.
asmo
- asmo has never run so fast. he was instantly by their side, shaky hands careful when touching them. his new nail polish color was eerily similar to the color of their blood.
- asmo had found himself rendered speechless around them a couple times, but none of those memories could compare to this one. he always said red was their color, but now he couldn't stand the sight of it.
- "oh MC! oh my god, what happened? w-what do i do?!" asmo's questions were rapid firing, before quickly coming to a halt.
- MC's quiet, straining voice reaches his ears, "a-asmo, unlock my D.D.D."
- asmo's eyes widen, his hands quickly reaching for their D.D.D, "oh yes! let's call lucifer, he can get human medical service-"
- when asmo unlocks the device, his frantic speech is cut off by the loud techno of a song. he freezes. what's going on? why is this song playing? and why can't he turn it off? THERE'S AN EMERGENCY WHAT'S GOING ON-
- "MC i-i can't turn off the-"
- "we're no strangers to loooove, you know the rules, and so do iii~" two voices sing from a small distance behind asmo.
- asmo's head darts to the opening of the alleyway expecting to see the owners of the voices. they sounded oddly familiar. he watches the shadows grow on the cobblestone, but before he can see anyone appear, he feels a weak hand on his cheek.
- he turns back to MC, the tears in his eyes making it very hard to see them. their voice fills his ears, but he doesn't really know how to feel about it.
- "never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, n-never gonna run around and...desert you..." they sing, their eyes slowly closing.
- their hand drops from his face, the cold feeling of their skin leaving his cheek. he sobs; he can't believe they're gone. in utter disbelief and immense grief, he hears the two voices from earlier grow closer. he turns his head towards them and his eyes widen at who it is.
- "never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna-- woah woah asmo what happened?" solomon asks, looking down at MC.
- "they're dead! and this stupid song hasn't stopped playing!" asmo wails, gesturing to the discarded D.D.D
- "oh my goodness, stay here asmo! we'll grab human medical services!" simeon exclaims before he and solomon run out of the alleyway.
- the song finally stops playing for some reason, leaving asmo to grieve in silence. his sobs fill the air as he pulls MC's lifeless body closer. he can't believe they're gone...at least the song stopped, though
- or so he thought. another song plays instead, the techno once again filling the air.
- "i just died in your arms tonight~"
- asmo starts wailing even louder
- meanwhile, from beyond MC struggles to hold in their laughter. they didn't necessarily mean for that song to play, but the irony was too rich.
beel
- no. no, not again. oh god, not again!
- those are the only thoughts running through beel's head when he finds them. his vision narrows and all he can see is MC and the blood pooling around them. please, not them! not another, he thinks.
- his hands immediately start applying pressure to the biggest gash on their body as he frantically asks them what happened. a conflict in his mind of wanting to hear their voice, but not wanting them to speak and instead save their breath. the questioned slipped out his mouth before he could finish processing it.
- "i-it was ligma, beel." they reply weakly.
- ligma? were they a new student at R.A.D? he's surely never heard of them. beel shakes his head, those thoughts don't matter right now.
- "d-don't speak anymore! save your breath MC!" beel frantically exclaims, seeing the blood continuing to spill through the cracks in his fingers.
- "it was ligma." they repeat, coughing up blood.
- "ligma?" he asks, assuming the name is important.
- "yeah, l-ligma...ligma balls." MC practically whispers, their last breath stolen with the wind.
- "MC? MC! no, please no!" beel cries.
- their last words struggle to process in his brain. ligma balls...whoever they are, they won't go unpunished.
- for the first time that beel can recall, he's not hungry; not in the slightest. the grief swimming in his stomach has consumed every square inch. ligma balls, you won't get away with this.
- from beyond, MC watches with a smile of amusement. they know beel would be a bit too dense for the joke, so they look forward to seeing what events will take place due to the mysterious ligma balls
belphie
- he must be dreaming. yes, that must be it. another nightmare, but this time about MC and not lilith. yes, it's all a nightmare.
- but if it's a nightmare, how come he can clearly feel the silkiness of their hair, and the blood coating his hands when he tries applying pressure to the large gash on their chest. no nightmare could feel this real, out of every one he's ever had, it's never been so surreal.
- the disbelief makes his mind spiral, blaming himself again for yet another death. if he would've went with them tonight then he could've protected them, and he wouldn't have to sit here with this annoying lump in his throat.
- only one thought in his mind remains a constant; vengeance.
- "w-who did this to you?" he asks shakily.
- "belphie it was-" they pause, coughing up blood, "it was joe."
- a name. belphie can feel his hands shaking, but he can't tell if it's from his anger or his panic.
- "WHO'S JOE? I'LL KILL THEM-" belphie grits his teeth, but they cut him off.
- "joe mama..." MC says, breathless.
- the rise and fall of their chest stops, water droplets mixing with the blood splattered on their face.
- belphie's shoulders shake, his sobs mixing with a silent laugh. what kind of person makes a joe mama joke while they're dying? MC, apparently. he can't tell if he's more impressed that they pulled off the joke or pissed that he fell for it.
- damn MC, what a chad. you'll be dearly missed.
- they watch from beyond with a smirk, they finally fuckin got him. if the circumstances were different, MC would be rubbing it in his face.
I get so mad when anti-vaxxers pick on autistic people. My good friend is autistic. If you say that autism will make your child unable to function and mentally handicapped… Guess who just got accepted early into a neurosurgical programme at the university of her first choice, full scholarship. My autistic friend. Vaccinate your damn crotch goblins!!
Fun fact: there’s a law that prohibits college professors from discussing a student’s academic performance with anyone (other than fellow employees of the school) without the student’s consent.
Let me tell you, helicopter parents hate FERPA. “I’m paying for this school, I have a right to know how he’s doing!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your son is over 18 which makes him a legal adult and federal law protects the privacy of his academic record regardless of who is paying his bills, and I’m not going to jail for you.”
I adore how she carries his head low, at her side, and not aloft in triumph. This is not a self-aggrandizing hero lauding her great deed. This is a woman who wanted to be left the fuck alone.
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