before this, lazyguts was called something else . . . something else was her christian name * private writing blog for an original character by ciara (22/uk/she/her). rules found at @redheid. info.
YOU ARE THE REASON

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@lazygut
before this, lazyguts was called something else . . . something else was her christian name * private writing blog for an original character by ciara (22/uk/she/her). rules found at @redheid. info.
w . childactress as in like ONE star can’t you see i’m TRYING?
❝ sooo… write some more. ❞ fade in on mara banks, 27, confused — isn’t everybody as good at speaking as she is? on second, indulgent note, no, that’s just her. ❝ i’ll give it a star rating. out of five, y’know? ❞
‘ i would’ve written good dialogue if i could write good dialogue. ’ and isn’t writing just lying to yourself over and over until you hit a word count? and then and then and then, except it’s all fiction? that’s like lying. that’s an excuse. i’m not good at writing my inner dialogue either. ‘ i don’t think i want any rating, ’ i say. ‘ that’ll give the bad dialogue more attention. i don’t think i want any attention to it. ’
a flash piece i wrote came out this morning in here it’s This is a Grounding Technique and I’m v pleased😌💖
something else was her christian name , private original character by ciara
w. chopinsque as in mums in cahoots?
“ sounds like something my mum used to say. ” it comes out more as a mumble than anything else, gaze drooping down to the ground momentarily, tracing the scuff marks on the tip of her boots. she’s aware of the acute irony to be found in how her mother would push for politeness and then, in the next breath, rant and rave about the government or the neighbours or the trees in the garden, if it was a slow enough day. it’s nothing more than an acceptable form of hypocrisy, she thinks, and she won’t involve herself in it. “ i think you’re the first person to say that to me, y’know? ”
‘ maybe our mums are mates. they could’ve gone to school together. ’ so the politeness police is a multi - mum thing. i always thought the phrasing on politeness being the cornerstone of being was weird, a bit stilted. so lives the legacy in the polite children’s heads. ‘ are you nice to service workers? i can take the advice back if you’re not. then politeness is the cornerstone of being. i can sell that then. ’
all vik does is be insecure and lie lie lie
the searcher, pt. 2.
dialogue prompts from the searcher by tana french.
people always believe the worst, whether there’s a reason or not.
don’t be believing everything anyone tells you.
i came looking for peace and quiet.
i’m taking what’s come to me, same as you.
you don’t strike me as the kind that scares easy.
i’m not scared. i don’t get involved in things.
didn’t hear you. i was thinking.
i like having someone to talk to from time to time.
if you don’t have a code, you’ve got nothing to hold you down.
i’m not a baby.
this isn’t going to have a happy ending.
i’m just sitting here enjoying the view.
i’m in a talking mood, not a fighting mood.
i wanted to see what would happen.
you just had a bad dream. it’s gone now.
you want me to stick around a while?
no bullshit this time.
i’m after answers, not trouble.
just get all the rest you need.
if you ever need a favor, you know where to come.
can i invite you to join us for dinner?
i’m pretty banged up, but i’ve taken worse.
all you can do is your best.
are you done doing stupid things yet?
wake me up if anything happens, even if it seems like nothing.
i don’t know your standards. i’d rather trust my own.
can i ask you to stick around a while?
i don’t take well to people trying to push me around.
you gonna tell me what happened?
you’re giving me the fidgets.
i was never much of a believer in exercise for its own sake. too lazy for that.
you’ve got a terrible habit of thinking the worst of people.
ᶦᵗ'ˢ ʰᵉʳᵉᵈᶦᵗᵃʳʸ ` 𝑖 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑚𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑏𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑑 …
i’m just saying but i’m so obsessed with vik already like i just keep thinking up new things i wanna write for/w her and.... <3 <3 <3 YESSS that’s exactly what i wanted. i’m so pleased i’m so pleased
w . distantsuns as in i’ll omit this part from my diary tonight
❝ You are OUT of your mind. ❞ Look, I’m a reasonable man, or at least, I think I am. I’m not quite sure who the fuck this bird thinks I am, though. First, the facts. It’s always good to start with the facts. I’m broke, down on my luck, and a second-year theatre student at uni who doesn’t know how to talk to people. Great combination. Second, I’ve just been making small talk with this girl— says she was close friends with Olivia, but funny how I never heard Olivia mention her, but girls are weird. And we’ve gotten into this heated debate over music— and see, that’s the one thing that really gets my blood boiling, properly, ‘cause no one talks shite about the Beatles and gets away with it. Not on my watch. ❝ Y’know news reports don’t mean shite, like, anycunt can just print whatever the fuck they like and publish it. Just ‘cause it’s in the news or in a book doesn’t make it TRUE. ❞
‘ that’s why i said a heavy book. ’ it’s hard to explain how i got caught in this. like it would be a task to explain why too.
talking gets me into this. it gets me into everything, and, truth told, there’s not enough space in my head to reserve for facts or genuine hard held opinions on the beatles. most things, actually. i never put the thought in. lies, i said, is a song by the beatles when he had said something about liking them. that it is my favourite song by the beatles. he said, that’s not a beatles song. i continued on as if i could name any beatles song other than hey jude. in this place, for no reason at all, i am the self proclaimed mega fan that knows fuck all about anything.
‘ like an encyclopaedia, ’ i say, ‘ like a really . . . trustworthy book. you know. really unlikely that it’s faked. something in the non-fiction section. i - i’d believe that. ’
‘ do you think sometimes on weekends when it gets light you could swim there? maybe if the water was clear. ’
w . @bundledmisery
@chopinsque i’m not interested in being polite.
i’m at a recital. this is public speaking. there’s crowds of eyes watching me and the practised speech needs to run its course. i like that more than having to come up with something on the spot. in my mother’s voice, i say, ‘ politeness is the cornerstone of being. ’ i don’t mean it.
i’m not at a recital. there is maybe one pair of eyes on me. this is called a conversation. this girl is called alice and canned responses don’t bode well because i can never expand on them. my straight face falls, i smile and it’s out of nervousness. it’s polite. ‘ or something . . . you don’t have to be polite. ’
vik is very unsocialised and it shows
“i’m the main character” girl you’re the unreliable narrator
@distantsuns what would it take for you to believe me?
‘ news report. ’ easy. believing is a fool’s game. stubbornness lands a space in the same territory but being stubborn and wrong versus stubborn and sceptical but non - committal till you see solid facts are vastly different things. you look like an annoying cow for the latter but the long run feels immediately less embarrassing for choosing it.
‘ or, ’ i start and my eyes start darting around. they do that. that’s what being knowledgably sceptical is, right? like... looking for the truth? eyes darting, never resting till the truth is uncovered. proper sherlock holmes shit. something like that. not just the thought of looking someone in the eye for too long making my skin hot and my whole body start shaking like fuck in that embarrassing way it does. ‘ or something in a book. something in like . . . a heavy book. i know news reports may not be accessible or realistic. ’ my eyes land back on him. ‘ and i don’t accept proof in pamphlets because i know people can just make a pamphlet and copy it at the library in like, what? an hour? that won’t fool anyone. ’